What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

[TronRP]

I think my brain checked out a couple of hours ago and my body has just been on autopilot.

Work Zombie...🧟‍♂️

[TronRP]

I'm amazed at how fast these days are slowly passing by.

[TronRP]

With the way the weather has been, I believe the first day of Spring is going to hit with a vengeance.

[kat (1)]

 All I wanted was the non chex pieces in this chex mix and now I've eaten over half a bag trying to dig for the non cereal pieces. I was craving salt today which is weird because I don't normally eat chips and stuff like this. I'm a sugar person damn it! 

Guess I'm going to visit doctor Google about salt cravings. 

[TronRP]

13 minutes ago, kat said:

 All I wanted was the non chex pieces in this chex mix and now I've eaten over half a bag trying to dig for the non cereal pieces. I was craving salt today which is weird because I don't normally eat chips and stuff like this. I'm a sugar person damn it! 

Guess I'm going to visit doctor Google about salt cravings. 

~~~~~

If you don't get enough salt intake in a regular diet, your body goes into crave mode to replenish low reserves.

[kat (1)]

2 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

If you don't get enough salt intake in a regular diet, your body goes into crave mode to replenish low reserves.

It's also the first time in almost 20 years I'm not on an Antidepressant. The doctor told me to stop what I was on on Tuesday so I did, she told me about something new..it supposedly "works differently,  it does something different " she was going to give it to me and she said that it can make u feel a little confused at first 🤔🙄 as someone who is on a migraine pill that's main side effect is um, cognitive shit I asked if that was really good to mix two confusing meds together 😆? Lol

She paused, " well, you can go research it yourself " I come home and research this new groundbreaking thing...it's, *drumroll* basically wellbutrin and....COUGH SYRUP! This is the groundbreaking new depression medication.  I have an old bottle of wellbutrin in my closet and some cough syrup why not just mix up my own batch right now? Anyway. I'm really not sure what the hell is going on with big pharma anymore,  I think they're getting high on the good stuff and leaving us with shitty ass Tussin. Not even the real stuff. They're to busy on tinder and tiktok doing stuff to make real drugs anymore they just say here smoke this blunt and drink equate tussin. 

Oops, anyway what was I talking about?

[TronRP]

12 minutes ago, kat said:

It's also the first time in almost 20 years I'm not on an Antidepressant. The doctor told me to stop what I was on on Tuesday so I did, she told me about something new..it supposedly "works differently,  it does something different " she was going to give it to me and she said that it can make u feel a little confused at first 🤔🙄 as someone who is on a migraine pill that's main side effect is um, cognitive shit I asked if that was really good to mix two confusing meds together 😆? Lol

She paused, " well, you can go research it yourself " I come home and research this new groundbreaking thing...it's, *drumroll* basically wellbutrin and....COUGH SYRUP! This is the groundbreaking new depression medication.  I have an old bottle of wellbutrin in my closet and some cough syrup why not just mix up my own batch right now? Anyway. I'm really not sure what the hell is going on with big pharma anymore,  I think they're getting high on the good stuff and leaving us with shitty ass Tussin. Not even the real stuff. They're to busy on tinder and tiktok doing stuff to make real drugs anymore they just say here smoke this blunt and drink equate tussin. 

Oops, anyway what was I talking about?

~~~~~

Yeah, they've got all the good mushrooms...

[kat (1)]

14 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Yeah, they've got all the good mushrooms...

Omg 🤣💯 truth!

[kat (1)]

So I'm going to just raw frog it through life without antidepressants.  Frog. I  said Frog.... pervs. 😇

Edited March 11, 2023 by kat

[Trene4000]

Guess I missed the Board Domination round out.

[TronRP]

6 hours ago, Trene4000 said:

Guess I missed the Board Domination round out.

~~~~~

Nope, that ends tonight.  You just made it.

[TronRP]

Those window installation guys really knew their stuff.  They were in and out in less than an hour and their work is beautiful. 

[kat (1)]

Just now, TronRP said:

Those window installation guys really knew their stuff.  They were in and out in less than an hour and their work is beautiful. 

I wish my landlord would fix my window situation. It sometimes rains in my apartment.

[TronRP]

1 minute ago, kat said:

I wish my landlord would fix my window situation. It sometimes rains in my apartment.

~~~~~

Dang....

 

They should be held accountable. 

[kat (1)]

I was in the thrift store today,  a woman goes, you're hair is beautiful,  I turned around to say thank you and she said I was beautiful and she wanted to sing me a song, so she started serenading me, the song "You are so beautiful"  twice.. the 2nd she turned into a hymm. I actually have never been so flattered and simultaneously embarrassed in my life but I remember her from before at the gym years ago. She is different,  claims she was delivered from being a lesbian and drugs and mental illness and stuff. I remembered everything from meeting her like 8 years ago, when she prophesied to me at Planet Fitness. I'm pretty sure I posted it here even. It was a strange day. Strange, but sadly,  the most romantic thing someone has done for me in years. I don't think she's delivered completely and it's ok to be a lesbian lady now drop your number..(kidding ) seriously,  idk why she equates it with other stuff but I'm thinking it was her church. In my humble opinion,  but glad she feels better and is happy with her life. I mean I did ask God yesterday if I was ugly 🤷 

Edited March 12, 2023 by kat

[kat (1)]

I need to wash my mind out with soap.

[kat (1)]

Maybe I should take a walk? 

[kat (1)]

I thought I had such a perfect time with my ex from 25 years ago,  we spent his bday together and everything was perfect,  I even cooked for another human.  I was curious about his old tattoo of my name in old English letters across his heart that he covered with a tiger,  so I asked to see the tiger and he said it was a terrible job, the tiger was basically gone,  he's had two laser treatments for that shitty tattoo, two laser treatments and a cover up and my name still shines through. You can see it no doubt. So as I sat her crying because my little fairytale,  he's a man man and his arms make me feel safe and protected and that's literally all the fuck I need. I will bow down just to feel safe like that but you denied something stupid,  something silly, you had a picture of our friend who I thought I remember you were seeing after the fact and when I casually mentioned it you loom at me like no. My ex and her years ago hung out, I dropped it because I was like just casually asking but like my mom called me and said that she hoped it was a friend hang out thing because she heard he was dating Jenny like very recently and than I said omg that's why he has her picture and omg he is probably omg he just lied to me and omg that's like my cousin we been friends since toddlerhood and omg I am now balling to my mom and my moms like omg do you like him like that, I said yes, and I just broke my own heart and now my mom's ready to cry and she said omg no I didn't know and now I broke your heart and I shouldn't have said anything and now I'm crying,  my mom's about to cry because I'm crying. I am so sorry for crying and he is obviously not being honest because he wants all the girls obviously but did he think that I wasn't going to ask my friend? I'm not beautiful like her so I lose obviously because duh, right? I don't share with my friends that's gross and I'm devastated but I have to move on. I'm done part 50. I don't want to die without that genuine feeling. Genuine.  Not someone who lies and than thinks he can manipulate the situation because my feelings were brought back for him..probably just nostalgia because it was clearly one sided. I hate my unrelenting need for warmth and affection exchange with another soul. I hate my unrelenting need to feel chemicals between me and another man. I hate that I know that exists even.  I hate that I am addicted to the feeling of being in tandem with another soul because I don't know if I will ever truly find it.  I know what it is but I guess I'm not beautiful enough to be worthy of such a deep connection.  

[TronRP]

17 minutes ago, kat said:

I thought I had such a perfect time with my ex from 25 years ago,  we spent his bday together and everything was perfect,  I even cooked for another human.  I was curious about his old tattoo of my name in old English letters across his heart that he covered with a tiger,  so I asked to see the tiger and he said it was a terrible job, the tiger was basically gone,  he's had two laser treatments for that shitty tattoo, two laser treatments and a cover up and my name still shines through. You can see it no doubt. So as I sat her crying because my little fairytale,  he's a man man and his arms make me feel safe and protected and that's literally all the fuck I need. I will bow down just to feel safe like that but you denied something stupid,  something silly, you had a picture of our friend who I thought I remember you were seeing after the fact and when I casually mentioned it you loom at me like no. My ex and her years ago hung out, I dropped it because I was like just casually asking but like my mom called me and said that she hoped it was a friend hang out thing because she heard he was dating Jenny like very recently and than I said omg that's why he has her picture and omg he is probably omg he just lied to me and omg that's like my cousin we been friends since toddlerhood and omg I am now balling to my mom and my moms like omg do you like him like that, I said yes, and I just broke my own heart and now my mom's ready to cry and she said omg no I didn't know and now I broke your heart and I shouldn't have said anything and now I'm crying,  my mom's about to cry because I'm crying. I am so sorry for crying and he is obviously not being honest because he wants all the girls obviously but did he think that I wasn't going to ask my friend? I'm not beautiful like her so I lose obviously because duh, right? I don't share with my friends that's gross and I'm devastated but I have to move on. I'm done part 50. I don't want to die without that genuine feeling. Genuine.  Not someone who lies and than thinks he can manipulate the situation because my feelings were brought back for him..probably just nostalgia because it was clearly one sided. I hate my unrelenting need for warmth and affection exchange with another soul. I hate my unrelenting need to feel chemicals between me and another man. I hate that I know that exists even.  I hate that I am addicted to the feeling of being in tandem with another soul because I don't know if I will ever truly find it.  I know what it is but I guess I'm not beautiful enough to be worthy of such a deep connection.  

~~~~~

It's not that you're not worthy of having a relationship, it's that you haven't found the right soul to have a relationship with.

Edited March 21, 2023 by TronRP

[TronRP]

Back to chocolate chip cookie time!!!

🍪

[TronRP]

Contemplating what to use for background noise right now.  I've binged watched MHA so many times that I'm a bit hesitant to continuously run it -- they probably think I've been manually redrawing the series frame by frame. 😆

[TronRP]

I knew this would happen because I have too much to do today.  I stepped out of the house, at 2:22pm, to return a cord to the service guy and drop of supplies at the HomeHouse and 3 hours later, I'm just now getting back to work at 5:22pm.

[TronRP]

Gummy bears...

[TronRP]

So, the boy is now on Spring Break.  I wonder if he is going to consider this to be worst than "The Worst Break Ever" because I'm going to put him to work.

 

He called Winter Break "The Worst Break Ever" because I asked him to look up a single word and he considered that to be "school work".  So at least this time I will give him something to complain about.

[kat (1)]

On 3/20/2023 at 11:10 PM, kat said:

I thought I had such a perfect time with my ex from 25 years ago,  we spent his bday together and everything was perfect,  I even cooked for another human.  I was curious about his old tattoo of my name in old English letters across his heart that he covered with a tiger,  so I asked to see the tiger and he said it was a terrible job, the tiger was basically gone,  he's had two laser treatments for that shitty tattoo, two laser treatments and a cover up and my name still shines through. You can see it no doubt. So as I sat her crying because my little fairytale,  he's a man man and his arms make me feel safe and protected and that's literally all the fuck I need. I will bow down just to feel safe like that but you denied something stupid,  something silly, you had a picture of our friend who I thought I remember you were seeing after the fact and when I casually mentioned it you loom at me like no. My ex and her years ago hung out, I dropped it because I was like just casually asking but like my mom called me and said that she hoped it was a friend hang out thing because she heard he was dating Jenny like very recently and than I said omg that's why he has her picture and omg he is probably omg he just lied to me and omg that's like my cousin we been friends since toddlerhood and omg I am now balling to my mom and my moms like omg do you like him like that, I said yes, and I just broke my own heart and now my mom's ready to cry and she said omg no I didn't know and now I broke your heart and I shouldn't have said anything and now I'm crying,  my mom's about to cry because I'm crying. I am so sorry for crying and he is obviously not being honest because he wants all the girls obviously but did he think that I wasn't going to ask my friend? I'm not beautiful like her so I lose obviously because duh, right? I don't share with my friends that's gross and I'm devastated but I have to move on. I'm done part 50. I don't want to die without that genuine feeling. Genuine.  Not someone who lies and than thinks he can manipulate the situation because my feelings were brought back for him..probably just nostalgia because it was clearly one sided. I hate my unrelenting need for warmth and affection exchange with another soul. I hate my unrelenting need to feel chemicals between me and another man. I hate that I know that exists even.  I hate that I am addicted to the feeling of being in tandem with another soul because I don't know if I will ever truly find it.  I know what it is but I guess I'm not beautiful enough to be worthy of such a deep 

I suppose I may have overreacted, jumped to conclusions, went off the deep end. Grrr. I feel bad because he had no idea what I was upset about and was blocked by the Time he got home. That's mean. Childish. I finally grew a pair after he actually asked me what he did to upset me and I told him..everything I wrote,  fuck it, he knew me since I was like 12 and knows I'm emotional and sensitive and easy to stir and he used to pick on me so much before we actually went out with each other.  For years...because I had a crush on him forever,  that's why he jumped off the paddle boat and swam to the shore and left me in the middle of the damn lake on the boat at my friends uncles house when I was 15 by myself, freaking out and laughing at my ass..he's like well I came back to get you! You could have just paddled the boat 🤣🤦‍♀️  He's goofy and silly and a big dork like me.  Smdh.