What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

[kat (1)]

I wish I had extra money to invest in like Smith and Wesson stock or something, Kimberly Clark, etc..idk.

 

 

However,  I'll just do what I do best and talk about sex..

write a couple shitty lines and pray for the best.

 

 

(Also, penis.)

Edited January 13, 2021 by kat

[kat (1)]

I have another sleep study tonight..blah I keep rescheduling it but I should just get it done probably.  It's stupid though,  I can't wear the shit because I have a unique face shape appearantly so they recommended that implant thing, this thing: https://www.inspiresleep.com/

It seems so psy fi but after the weirdest time in the history of our lives nothing is bizarre to me anymore. 

Edited January 13, 2021 by kat

[TronRP]

6 minutes ago, kat said:

I wish I had extra money to invest in like Smith and Wesson stock or something, Kimberly Clark, etc..idk.

~~~~~

That is so interesting because I was thinking the same thing.  I need to do some type of investing for financial security for the future.  Every year, the insurance company keeps trying to find a way to stop paying for Trene to have attendant care services...a.k.a. me.  This time they made the cutoff being January 2021.  Hopefully, all of the right people have sent in all of the correct documents.

[kat (1)]

I been watching this https://www.webull.com/activity/get-free-stocks?source=google-search-pp-gw&gclid=Cj0KCQiA0fr_BRDaARIsAABw4EvV6KTpv9rflaxrXvFpx8hyjatrq60wzcvLgBEsxuzZqqNEtWEO-2MaAi_uEALw_wcB

I was going to use stimulus $ but I'm living off that this month. I pay 600 a month rent for the little place I have but want to move because I don't have an oven and have no room for one and all I have is a shower. This is good for a bachelor pad. It was the old maintenance persons apartment here my sis and me was thinking maybe but I am paying a little more than half my income to rent alone so every month I have to hustle somehow lol. I'm aloud to work and have tried to take little jobs here and there but I get anxiety so bad that my brain keeps telling me stuff that is false but I end up quitting because I let my negative internal chatter work me into an internal web of dread, panic, anxiety, doubt, inattentiveness, feeling incompetent  and doom even when I'm sitting at a job, kicking ass at it, getting compliments on my abilities, knowledge, etc. I let my self consciousness make me just give up. I'd actually be pretty successful probably if I could fix that problem. My mental health has been my main problem for me in holding a job, I am tired of denying it. I need to just not have so much anxiety and just do something already and tell my negative thoughts to go burn in hell but it's a hard world right now to actually try to think positively. I will also no longer have my anxiety pills after this month,  I tried to rationalize this being a bad idea for the current world we live in that taking a person off klonopin is a bad idea but he wasn't having it. Omg this was a reply about the stock market and I just gave you an entire update on my life.  🤭 🤣

💜💜💜.

Anyway,  in short yea stock market seems to be a good idea.

Edited January 13, 2021 by kat

[kat (1)]

Omg I called the tobacco quitline a couple weeks ago and they are really helpful.  They sent me a box of the actual brand name Nicoderm CQ patches and those things work! The generic wasn't doing much for me but the Nicoderm cq brand itself is amazing. I actually tested it yesterday and I didn't really have bad cravings and was excited to see that! I actually tried smoking and it was weird.  I am really excited about this but nervous because I did buy a bunch of candy to help with the oral fixation part. They don't lie when they say food tastes better as if, I, who has a slight binge eating thing need food to taste better. I can eat and eat bad like I have a Double chocolate donut from Tim's sitting in a bag right now waiting to be devoured.

Edited January 13, 2021 by kat

[TronRP]

5 minutes ago, kat said:

I been watching this https://www.webull.com/activity/get-free-stocks?source=google-search-pp-gw&gclid=Cj0KCQiA0fr_BRDaARIsAABw4EvV6KTpv9rflaxrXvFpx8hyjatrq60wzcvLgBEsxuzZqqNEtWEO-2MaAi_uEALw_wcB

I was going to use stimulus $ but I'm living off that this month. I pay 600 a month rent for the little place I have but want to move because I don't have an oven and have no room for one and all I have is a shower. This is good for a bachelor pad. It was the old maintenance persons apartment here my sis and me was thinking maybe but I am paying a little more than half my income to rent alone so every month I have to hustle somehow lol. I'm aloud to work and have tried to take little jobs here and there but I get anxiety so bad that my brain keeps telling me stuff that is false but I end up quitting because I let my negative internal chatter work me into an internal web of dread, panic, anxiety, doubt, inattentiveness, feeling incompetent  and doom even when I'm sitting at a job, kicking ass at it, getting compliments on my abilities, knowledge, etc. I let my self consciousness make me just give up. I'd actually be pretty successful probably if I could fix that problem. My mental health has been my main problem for me in holding a job, I am tired of denying it. I need to just not have so much anxiety and just do something already and tell my negative thoughts to go burn in hell but it's a hard world right now to actually try to think positively. I will also no longer have my anxiety pills after this month,  I tried to rationalize this being a bad idea for the current world we live in that taking a person off klonopin is a bad idea but he wasn't having it. Omg this was a reply about the stock market and I just gave you an entire update on my life.  🤭 🤣

💜💜💜.

Anyway,  in short yea stock market seems to be a good idea.

~~~~~

I am glad you are sharing.

 

Believe it or not, I was the exact image of what you wrote.  The only difference is I didn't have any way to see a doctor for meds due to no medical coverage at that time and if I had quit my job, my mother would have kicked my a** all the way back to the office building.  I suffered for years in my head over every little thing as if people around me could hear my thoughts, yet I was constantly told how good of a worker I was.  And when I was "let go" by my supervisor by what she called "Voluntary Termination" meaning I could return to the workplace in the future, I was scared nearly to death because I had never been without a job or studying some form or education since I was 11 years old.  However, I still had responsibilities because the courts had designated me as assistant to my mother as she was made to adopt her grandchildren a few months later. 

 

Unfortunately, I beat myself up nearly everyday due to what had happened.  Then I was given the position of legal guardian and DHS Chore Worker for Trene and that helped get me out of my head somewhat.  But it wasn't until I started posting on DGN that I started spilling my guts about my life's story and realized that there were people who had never met me, but actually cared about what I had to say.  Some were in the same boat, others were the voice of reason.  It made me feel like I finally found a place where I belonged.  No one judged me for having a thought that I decided to express.

 

It is liberating for me being on this forum.  That's why I tell you to post without fear of ridicule.  You have the right to be heard.  If someone doesn't like that, they have the right to not read what you wrote...simple as that.

 

...and don't delete your stuff...

 

[kat (1)]

17 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I am glad you are sharing.

 

Believe it or not, I was the exact image of what you wrote.  The only difference is I didn't have any way to see a doctor for meds due to no medical coverage at that time and if I had quit my job, my mother would have kicked my a** all the way back to the office building.  I suffered for years in my head over every little thing as if people around me could hear my thoughts, yet I was constantly told how good of a worker I was.  And when I was "let go" by my supervisor by what she called "Voluntary Termination" meaning I could return to the workplace in the future, I was scared nearly to death because I had never been without a job or studying some form or education since I was 11 years old.  However, I still had responsibilities because the courts had designated me as assistant to my mother as she was made to adopt her grandchildren a few months later. 

 

Unfortunately, I beat myself up nearly everyday due to what had happened.  Then I was given the position of legal guardian and DHS Chore Worker for Trene and that helped get me out of my head somewhat.  But it wasn't until I started posting on DGN that I started spilling my guts about my life's story and realized that there were people who had never met me, but actually cared about what I had to say.  Some were in the same boat, others were the voice of reason.  It made me feel like I finally found a place where I belonged.  No one judged me for having a thought that I decided to express.

 

It is liberating for me being on this forum.  That's why I tell you to post without fear of ridicule.  You have the right to be heard.  If someone doesn't like that, they have the right to not read what you wrote...simple as that.

 

...and don't delete your stuff...

 

I never knew that about you thank you for telling me 💜 you know,  I bet there's so many who struggle with this stuff too. I don't know how I was approved for SSA because I meet people who are struggling with trying to get it but I'm grateful,  bored as hell, but grateful.  It's been less than 2 years since I was approved and I'm dying of boredom lol.. I need a actual job or consistant hustle,  like I wish I could sell lyrics but lately I can't finish a song at all and I lost alot of my past writing. I am really thinking about trying to see what I need to do, if it's even possible. I used to think my words were not worth anything but now that I hear the current songs that sell I'm like dude, I should have never stopped writing.  Lol

Seriously though,  I've written poems since I was a kid. They kinda started sounding more song like when I was little and that's when I realized that I was actually writing lyrics and didn't even know what it was I just knew I had something inside that needed to be shared. Damn, I miss that part of me. I feel a piece of it coming back the more I have been either off meds or weining off. 

Edited January 13, 2021 by kat

[kat (1)]

22 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I am glad you are sharing.

 

Believe it or not, I was the exact image of what you wrote.  The only difference is I didn't have any way to see a doctor for meds due to no medical coverage at that time and if I had quit my job, my mother would have kicked my a** all the way back to the office building.  I suffered for years in my head over every little thing as if people around me could hear my thoughts, yet I was constantly told how good of a worker I was.  And when I was "let go" by my supervisor by what she called "Voluntary Termination" meaning I could return to the workplace in the future, I was scared nearly to death because I had never been without a job or studying some form or education since I was 11 years old.  However, I still had responsibilities because the courts had designated me as assistant to my mother as she was made to adopt her grandchildren a few months later. 

 

Unfortunately, I beat myself up nearly everyday due to what had happened.  Then I was given the position of legal guardian and DHS Chore Worker for Trene and that helped get me out of my head somewhat.  But it wasn't until I started posting on DGN that I started spilling my guts about my life's story and realized that there were people who had never met me, but actually cared about what I had to say.  Some were in the same boat, others were the voice of reason.  It made me feel like I finally found a place where I belonged.  No one judged me for having a thought that I decided to express.

 

It is liberating for me being on this forum.  That's why I tell you to post without fear of ridicule.  You have the right to be heard.  If someone doesn't like that, they have the right to not read what you wrote...simple as that.

 

...and don't delete your stuff...

 

Thank you so much.  I am lucky to be graced with a friend like you.  You are a blessing and a gift to this world. We need more of you. 

[TronRP]

12 minutes ago, kat said:

I never knew that about you thank you for telling me 💜 you know,  I bet there's so many who struggle with this stuff too. I don't know how I was approved for SSA because I meet people who are struggling with trying to get it but I'm grateful,  bored as hell, but grateful.  It's been less than 2 years since I was approved and I'm dying of boredom lol.. I need a actual job or consistant hustle,  like I wish I could sell lyrics but lately I can't finish a song at all and I lost alot of my past writing. I am really thinking about trying to see what I need to do, if it's even possible. I used to think my words were not worth anything but now that I hear the current songs that sell I'm like dude, I should have never stopped writing.  Lol

Seriously though,  I've written poems since I was a kid. They kinda started sounding more song like when I was little and that's when I realized that I was actually writing lyrics and didn't even know what it was I just knew I had something inside that needed to be shared. Damn, I miss that part of me. I feel a piece of it coming back the more I have been either off meds or weining off. 

~~~~~

Maybe you might want to try out for The Voice.  CJ found out that they are taking auditions and you don't even have to leave home.  With your voice, you could actually get a spot to be noticed and then you would have professionals helping you write your songs.  I say go for it.  You have the time...

[TronRP]

9 minutes ago, kat said:

Thank you so much.  I am lucky to be graced with a friend like you.  You are a blessing and a gift to this world. We need more of you. 

~~~~~

[kat (1)]

7 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Maybe you might want to try out for The Voice.  CJ found out that they are taking auditions and you don't even have to leave home.  With your voice, you could actually get a spot to be noticed and then you would have professionals helping you write your songs.  I say go for it.  You have the time...

 I know some people who have tried out recently for one of them it was virtual auditions too. CJ is so talented.  I was amazed at how beautiful she sang, her Amy Lee is just stunning. I hope she tries out.  I'd be routing for her all day. 

[TronRP]

2 minutes ago, kat said:

 I know some people who have tried out recently for one of them it was virtual auditions too. CJ is so talented.  I was amazed at how beautiful she sang, her Amy Lee is just stunning. I hope she tries out.  I'd be routing for her all day. 

~~~~~

Over the past few days, she has actually been compiling songs to determine which to use as an audition.  You should definitely go for it.  I'll help you out if there is an audition fee.

[NocteSpiritus]

I had a friend audition for the Voice, but didn't make it. 

 

Also need to call the firing range and ask about the next available Ladies Night/Safety class so I can get my dad's 9mm (S/W) from my mom. She took all the guns from the house when my dad died.

[NocteSpiritus]

Need to go through my collection of books and get rid of some before buying more. I bought the collection (at the time) of the Twisted Fairy Tales (Disney based) over the summer when I was laid off. I have a list of books I wanna buy and read/re-read.

[kat (1)]

19 hours ago, NocteSpiritus said:

I had a friend audition for the Voice, but didn't make it. 

 

Also need to call the firing range and ask about the next available Ladies Night/Safety class so I can get my dad's 9mm (S/W) from my mom. She took all the guns from the house when my dad died.

Did they do the virtual tryouts? Alot of people I know seem to be doing it this year,  so far noone has said anything about going through. 

[kat (1)]

Hell yea! My 65 year old upstairs neighbor is jamming out to Portishead. Does pilates everyday than gets stoned.. that's not a bad retirement plan I suppose but I'd be in a warmer climate that and I'm not a good weed smoker. If I smoke it I usually start thinking Jesus is mad at me and it trips me out and stuff. I probably shouldn't mess with it,  usually I just hit it if someone has it around me but still, it makes me really paranoid. 

[NocteSpiritus]

4 hours ago, kat said:

Did they do the virtual tryouts? Alot of people I know seem to be doing it this year,  so far noone has said anything about going through. 

 

Yeah, they did the virtual auditions.

[TronRP]

OK, now I know I'm done...19 year old Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell is now referred to as "Legendary recording artist Billie Eilish".  I never even knew the child existed until last Summer and I thought people were talking about a dude.  Apparently, she got noticed back in 2015 after uploading a song to SoundCloud.  But hey, the internet worked for Justin Bieber (and I suppose he is "legendary") so why not.

[creatureofthenyte]

I’ve been on this board 15 years now 😮

[TronRP]

I think I will turn in now.

[BadKitty]

I've been thinking about the changes just a small amount of money would do; a modest lottery win... assuming these amounts were after taxes.

 

For instance... a hundred dollars would fill my gas tank AND my husband's (he drives an old Suburban).

 

A thousand dollars would get us a new dining table/chairs

 

Ten thousand dollars would pay off all the credit card debt and we would still be able to get a new dining table/chairs AND a new bed (mattress included)

 

One hundred thousand dollars would get the condo I keep looking at and allow it to be purchased outright (no mortgage) and pay the moving costs AND any incidentals needed after we moved ... and still have a few thousand for savings.

 

Half a million dollars... a nicer condo or house purchased outright, furnished, new vehicle for husband, all debts paid off, and still about $200,000 to save.

 

A million dollars... a bunch of things could be done.

 

And the current 800 million jackpot?:  holy cow.. the possibilities are endless.  

 

 

[kat (1)]

Meh.

[TronRP]

4 minutes ago, kat said:

Meh.

~~~~~

Now you can say you know someone who auditioned for The Voice.  Although CJ didn't have what they were looking for, she had fun doing the virtual call.  She said next she is going to do a video submission because, "nothing against doing both". 

😁

[kat (1)]

9 hours ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Now you can say you know someone who auditioned for The Voice.  Although CJ didn't have what they were looking for, she had fun doing the virtual call.  She said next she is going to do a video submission because, "nothing against doing both". 

😁

I'm sending positive vibes to her for her video submission. She truly has a beautiful voice. 

[TronRP]

9 hours ago, kat said:

I'm sending positive vibes to her for her video submission. She truly has a beautiful voice. 

~~~~~

I wonder if there is a limit to how many submission an individual can do?  Someone could totally spam the submissions until they get in.

Hmmm 🤔