What Are You Thinking? (cont'd)

[WhiteLines]

I think its true what they say that positive thought manifests positive things happening in your life because I've always been a master of negative thought and the results it's manifested speak for themselves... so the same MUST be true for positive thinking. But trying as hard as I possibly can like to the point of straining with the blood vessels popping up in my forehead, i just can't seem to sustain any positive thinking very long. Its like I'm synthesizing a rare and unstable element in my mind, I can create it there in the lab but its fundamental structure breaks down after a few moments and it collapses into a broken pile of negative thoughts, incomplete sentences, and apathy. Damnit mental alchemy is challenging AF.

[TronRP]

22 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

I think its true what they say that positive thought manifests positive things happening in your life because I've always been a master of negative thought and the results it's manifested speak for themselves... so the same MUST be true for positive thinking. But trying as hard as I possibly can like to the point of straining with the blood vessels popping up in my forehead, i just can't seem to sustain any positive thinking very long. Its like I'm synthesizing a rare and unstable element in my mind, I can create it there in the lab but its fundamental structure breaks down after a few moments and it collapses into a broken pile of negative thoughts, incomplete sentences, and apathy. Damnit mental alchemy is challenging AF.

~~~~~

Dude, I know the feeling.  That was me during my entire 20's after I discovered what was planned for me.  It took some time (about a decade), but I finally decided to try positive thinking, regardless of my situation, and I found that even though the current event still had to run its course, I was able to put a heartfelt positive spin on it to help me cope.  That proved especially necessary during the passing of our mother since I was becoming "Head of the Estate".

 

Short Storytime:

 

Our mother chose to do hospice care at her home and passed away early morning surrounded by loved ones.  We informed her Hospice Nurse of her passing and waited for her to arrive before we started final plans.  However, knowing the kind of person our mother was, me and my siblings immediately started the process of beneficiary paperwork while her nurse was still there and the funeral home was on the way to pick up the body.

 

The nurse was like we should watch what we say because souls linger after death.  I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Exactly!  If our mother didn't hear us talking about the Will and beneficiary preparation along with the mortgage payoff, she would haunt each of us and then there would be no rest for anyone."  We all had a good laugh about it and made sure to address every aspect of the upcoming responsibilities all before the hearse arrived.  Our expression of love for our mother helped pull her nurse out of the depression she was starting to sink into and she thanked us for making the transition less traumatic.

 

It was an unavoidable, highly emotional time, but a good attitude and positive thinking goes a long way.

[NocteSpiritus]

1 hour ago, WhiteLines said:

I think its true what they say that positive thought manifests positive things happening in your life because I've always been a master of negative thought and the results it's manifested speak for themselves... so the same MUST be true for positive thinking. But trying as hard as I possibly can like to the point of straining with the blood vessels popping up in my forehead, i just can't seem to sustain any positive thinking very long. Its like I'm synthesizing a rare and unstable element in my mind, I can create it there in the lab but its fundamental structure breaks down after a few moments and it collapses into a broken pile of negative thoughts, incomplete sentences, and apathy. Damnit mental alchemy is challenging AF.

I'm the same way with the negative waves. I should/need to stop with those and start with the positive. At some level, I feel some of the bad juju I'm having is pay back for whatever ills I did. Changing from negative to positive thinking is difficult.

[TronRP]

8 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

I'm the same way with the negative waves. I should/need to stop with those and start with the positive. At some level, I feel some of the bad juju I'm having is pay back for whatever ills I did. Changing from negative to positive thinking is difficult.

~~~~~

I hear people say that all the time.  They don't feel or they don't believe they are do anything positive due to past actions or behaviors.  But you have to know for yourself that that is not true.  That is one of the mental prisons we make for ourselves because we try to quantify why bad things happen to us.

 

Past behavior actually has nothing to do with it.  Your mindset does, however, and unfortunately, it all comes down to forgiving yourself.  That's when people feel they are not worthy of anything positive happening in their lives.  But you have to understand and truly know that you are just as worthy of positivity and good things no different than the person who appears to have all the luck in the world.

 

Ok...Inspirational TV spot over...

😆

[NocteSpiritus]

9 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I hear people say that all the time.  They don't feel or they don't believe they are do anything positive due to past actions or behaviors.  But you have to know for yourself that that is not true.  That is one of the mental prisons we make for ourselves because we try to quantify why bad things happen to us.

 

Past behavior actually has nothing to do with it.  Your mindset does, however, and unfortunately, it all comes down to forgiving yourself.  That's when people feel they are not worthy of anything positive happening in their lives.  But you have to understand and truly know that you are just as worthy of positivity and good things no different than the person who appears to have all the luck in the world.

 

Ok...Inspirational TV spot over...

😆

 

 

I also feel like it's partly due to upbringing as well. The bad stuff was focused more on than the good stuff. So, guess what stayed? All the self forgiveness may not help.

[TronRP]

3 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

 

 

I also feel like it's partly due to upbringing as well. The bad stuff was focused more on than the good stuff. So, guess what stayed? All the self forgiveness may not help.

~~~~~

Yes, it is most definitely the upbringing.  That's where it all comes from.  I fought and brought myself out of that mindset all on my own.

 

Our mother used to think she was being punished her entire life because of one incident that happened when she used to babysit in her youth.  She practically punished herself until the day she passed.  I am happy she is now free from that mental prison she had put herself into.

🌺

[NocteSpiritus]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Yes, it is most definitely the upbringing.  That's where it all comes from.  I fought and brought myself out of that mindset all on my own.

 

Our mother used to think she was being punished her entire life because of one incident that happened when she used to babysit in her youth.  She practically punished herself until the day she passed.  I am happy she is now free from that mental prison she had put herself into.

🌺

 

 

I'm glad that she's free from that. I know it's a process to break from the upbringing and the negative issues that come from that. 

[TronRP]

1 minute ago, NocteSpiritus said:

 

 

I'm glad that she's free from that. I know it's a process to break from the upbringing and the negative issues that come from that. 

~~~~~

[NocteSpiritus]

Upon breaking an already cracked window panel (and making a bad cut into the pinky finger), debating on going in for cleaning and possible stitch. But work tomorrow and I don't feel like spending hours for a couple stitches.

[kat (1)]

3 hours ago, WhiteLines said:

I think its true what they say that positive thought manifests positive things happening in your life because I've always been a master of negative thought and the results it's manifested speak for themselves... so the same MUST be true for positive thinking. But trying as hard as I possibly can like to the point of straining with the blood vessels popping up in my forehead, i just can't seem to sustain any positive thinking very long. Its like I'm synthesizing a rare and unstable element in my mind, I can create it there in the lab but its fundamental structure breaks down after a few moments and it collapses into a broken pile of negative thoughts, incomplete sentences, and apathy. Damnit mental alchemy is challenging AF.

I have been fighting this my entire life, the negative thoughts and feelings.

 It is pretty magical and beautiful though once you start raising your vibration.  Like attracts like so when we're low mood, low energy,  in a funk,  etc, we vibrate at a lower frequency that's why we seem to get stuck in ruts of what feels like "bad luck" 

The universe can only respond to the message that it hears, so in our hearts and mind when we think shitty, we feel shitty,  and everything kinda becomes shitty because that's the message we put out. Not that bad shit doesn't happen but it's not about the bad and negative things that we experience it's about how we interpret and respond to that. In my opinion,  that is.  

I am starting to get this and practice what I preach. A battle it definitely is. 

 

[TronRP]

14 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

Upon breaking an already cracked window panel (and making a bad cut into the pinky finger), debating on going in for cleaning and possible stitch. But work tomorrow and I don't feel like spending hours for a couple stitches.

~~~~~

I almost cut off my thumb 30 minutes before I had to be at work.  I still went to the hospital.  I cut myself on metal.  I don't play around when it comes to deep cuts.

 

Go get it checked...please.

[kat (1)]

21 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

Upon breaking an already cracked window panel (and making a bad cut into the pinky finger), debating on going in for cleaning and possible stitch. But work tomorrow and I don't feel like spending hours for a couple stitches.

The Brownstown Henry Ford on West road usually isn't a terrible wait. I believe Trenton Urgent Care is also pretty good. 

[kat (1)]

This made me think about the woman I see at my work she is glowing,  her aura is absolutely beautiful. I have never seen someone who seemed so close to God (of course God is different to everyone) but, imo whether it be referred to as aura,  energy, or vibration, to some or the holy spirit to others, it all boils down to the spiritual realm, to the energy and/or soul inside of us.

 She talked about her dad in hospice and she mentioned her mom and her passing on hospice and how her dad waited for her to forgive him but he apparently gets visits all the time from his deceased wife's telling him like, for awhile not yet, but lately he said that he's been saying that he's getting ready to go with her so she's been coming to get him and I remember when my great aunt was on hospice,  my grandpa and my great aunt's husband who had already passed apparently was there that night and a couple nights prior telling her it's time to go with them.  She finally went and just knowing that was what she experienced on her way out is beautiful. 

[NocteSpiritus]

1 hour ago, kat said:

The Brownstown Henry Ford on West road usually isn't a terrible wait. I believe Trenton Urgent Care is also pretty good. 

 

 

Thanks, but all that's a bit of a drive. I'd be better going to the ER.

[NocteSpiritus]

A few hours after incident

 

 

 

A few minutes ago upon gaining supplies for mending:

 

[kat (1)]

1 hour ago, NocteSpiritus said:

A few hours after incident

 

 

 

A few minutes ago upon gaining supplies for mending:

 

It looks kinda deep. You did a good job though. 

[kat (1)]

I love this song so much I want to scream!

https://youtu.be/k5mX3NkA7jM

[WhiteLines]

2 hours ago, kat said:

I have been fighting this my entire life, the negative thoughts and feelings.

 It is pretty magical and beautiful though once you start raising your vibration.  Like attracts like so when we're low mood, low energy,  in a funk,  etc, we vibrate at a lower frequency that's why we seem to get stuck in ruts of what feels like "bad luck" 

The universe can only respond to the message that it hears, so in our hearts and mind when we think shitty, we feel shitty,  and everything kinda becomes shitty because that's the message we put out. Not that bad shit doesn't happen but it's not about the bad and negative things that we experience it's about how we interpret and respond to that. In my opinion,  that is.  

I am starting to get this and practice what I preach. A battle it definitely is. 

 

I have always been a master of positive thinking for others. Im great at being an encouraging motivational supernova for others but cant keep up the same positive vibe myself, not consistently at least. Now my future ex-wife is THE most negative person I've ever met now, ive tried to encourage positivity in her but its like a heart transplant with the wrong blood type and she rejects it. Everything is cant, ain't, isn't gonna work, won't try, idfk anymore. I think all the bad things in my home life the last 7 years have been drawn there by her negative vortex of thought 🤔

[kat (1)]

12 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

I have always been a master of positive thinking for others. Im great at being an encouraging motivational supernova for others but cant keep up the same positive vibe myself, not consistently at least. Now my future ex-wife is THE most negative person I've ever met now, ive tried to encourage positivity in her but its like a heart transplant with the wrong blood type and she rejects it. Everything is cant, ain't, isn't gonna work, won't try, idfk anymore. I think all the bad things in my home life the last 7 years have been drawn there by her negative vortex of thought 🤔

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Not to get too personal but maybe mood and personality disorder stuff. I would be lying if I said some of those things don't remind me of myself in the not too distant past. If she had trauma young and unresolved she could have developed a borderline personality disorder.

Edited May 2, 2022 by kat

[TronRP]

6 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

I have always been a master of positive thinking for others. Im great at being an encouraging motivational supernova for others but cant keep up the same positive vibe myself, not consistently at least. Now my future ex-wife is THE most negative person I've ever met now, ive tried to encourage positivity in her but its like a heart transplant with the wrong blood type and she rejects it. Everything is cant, ain't, isn't gonna work, won't try, idfk anymore. I think all the bad things in my home life the last 7 years have been drawn there by her negative vortex of thought 🤔

~~~~~

I believe that when it comes to relationships, the situation is a bit different.  The general consensus is that we, as human beings, are supposed to be able to "compromise" and "work things out" and "get along", but sometimes, the energy between some individuals just does not match like trying to stick two end of a magnet together that have the same polarity.

 

Sadly, we as human beings, do not generally believe in that concept and you start hearing things like "go to marriage counseling" or "just talk and work things out".  For some people, that is literally impossible.  Some people will know a relationship is doomed from the start, but will overlook it because one thing about the relationship clicks with both individuals regardless of the fact that 100 other things scream "RUN"!

 

In this world, we have become predisposed to believing that relationships will be hard and / or difficult because that is what we see, what we are taught and what is generally believed.  So there is big money to be made when the relationships fall apart because there is a market for that.

 

I grew up with he belief that there is someone for everyone, but with our short lives and fast paced lifestyles, people have become afraid of dying alone and will jump into a relationship against their better judgment, then try to stick it out for one reason or another (usually kids or possessions are involved by that time).  Those things makes it harder to move on, especially if a relationship becomes toxic.

 

Negativity is an easy trap to fall into when love was once a factor.

[WhiteLines]

2 hours ago, kat said:

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Not to get too personal but maybe mood and personality disorder stuff. I would be lying if I said some of those things don't remind me of myself in the not too distant past. If she had trauma young and unresolved she could have developed a borderline personality disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder was one of my first very serious theories actually. About 4-5 years ago I was reading some psychology article online referring to HCP's which i hadn't ever heard so naturally in my unending quest for knowledge i had to research it. High Conflict Personality type which was claimed to be very similar to BPD and once i took a more detailed look at Borderline Personaly Disorder i found almost every single thing on the list was a dead ringer for her behavior and the timeline of events and changes in our relationship. However in my naive early years of my marriage, i thought i could approach her in a calm, logical and reasonable 

[WhiteLines]

11 minutes ago, WhiteLines said:

Borderline Personality Disorder was one of my first very serious theories actually. About 4-5 years ago I was reading some psychology article online referring to HCP's which i hadn't ever heard so naturally in my unending quest for knowledge i had to research it. High Conflict Personality type which was claimed to be very similar to BPD and once i took a more detailed look at Borderline Personaly Disorder i found almost every single thing on the list was a dead ringer for her behavior and the timeline of events and changes in our relationship. However in my naive early years of my marriage, i thought i could approach her in a calm, logical and reasonable conversation about it and I WAS F#¢%!N WRØNG AS HELL. As a matter of fact I still have to hear about it occasionally because bringing up stuff from the past thats already been resolved and acting like its unresolved is a big thing of hers too. She reacts in such radically inappropriately extremes that it defies all logic that i know. (My bad i accidentally hit the post button before finishing typing a minute ago.)

 

[WhiteLines]

2 hours ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I believe that when it comes to relationships, the situation is a bit different.  The general consensus is that we, as human beings, are supposed to be able to "compromise" and "work things out" and "get along", but sometimes, the energy between some individuals just does not match like trying to stick two end of a magnet together that have the same polarity.

 

Sadly, we as human beings, do not generally believe in that concept and you start hearing things like "go to marriage counseling" or "just talk and work things out".  For some people, that is literally impossible.  Some people will know a relationship is doomed from the start, but will overlook it because one thing about the relationship clicks with both individuals regardless of the fact that 100 other things scream "RUN"!

 

In this world, we have become predisposed to believing that relationships will be hard and / or difficult because that is what we see, what we are taught and what is generally believed.  So there is big money to be made when the relationships fall apart because there is a market for that.

 

I grew up with he belief that there is someone for everyone, but with our short lives and fast paced lifestyles, people have become afraid of dying alone and will jump into a relationship against their better judgment, then try to stick it out for one reason or another (usually kids or possessions are involved by that time).  Those things makes it harder to move on, especially if a relationship becomes toxic.

 

Negativity is an easy trap to fall into when love was once a factor.

For about the first 6 to 18 months of our relationship it was as if against all odds i had found my soulmate, a perfect relationship. Then at some point it all rafically changed for the worse

[TronRP]

7 hours ago, WhiteLines said:

For about the first 6 to 18 months of our relationship it was as if against all odds i had found my soulmate, a perfect relationship. Then at some point it all rafically changed for the worse

~~~~~

In the old days, courtships used to last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to give the couple a chance to take a good look at what each other was bringing to the relationship, but as times changed, people felt that was too long and began eloping so other family members would not interfere.

 

Then times changed some more and courting was dropped all together as people began shacking up before marriage.

 

Then after the "Summer of Love", hooking up was just what you did because in most groups, it was expected.

 

As times changed again, it was expected that if you were young, you were doing it, so the States decided to just put condoms in schools to try to control the "unexpected pregnancy" rate.

 

Now, it is said that people have to have sex when they first hook up to determine if they are "compatible".

 

Once people have written that contract between bodies, there is an expectation that some type of relationship is supposed to follow, be it marriage, friends with benefits, on and off again types, one night stands, etc.

 

The art of courting has been lost and the consequence of physical action has taken its place.  Therefore, certain behaviors, attitudes and quirks are missed or overlooked as the couple is caught up in the whirlwind of emotional bliss.

~~~~~

 

I must apologies, I tend to get philosophically invested in things.

😅

[WhiteLines]

1 hour ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

In the old days, courtships used to last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to give the couple a chance to take a good look at what each other was bringing to the relationship, but as times changed, people felt that was too long and began eloping so other family members would not interfere.

 

Then times changed some more and courting was dropped all together as people began shacking up before marriage.

 

Then after the "Summer of Love", hooking up was just what you did because in most groups, it was expected.

 

As times changed again, it was expected that if you were young, you were doing it, so the States decided to just put condoms in schools to try to control the "unexpected pregnancy" rate.

 

Now, it is said that people have to have sex when they first hook up to determine if they are "compatible".

 

Once people have written that contract between bodies, there is an expectation that some type of relationship is supposed to follow, be it marriage, friends with benefits, on and off again types, one night stands, etc.

 

The art of courting has been lost and the consequence of physical action has taken its place.  Therefore, certain behaviors, attitudes and quirks are missed or overlooked as the couple is caught up in the whirlwind of emotional bliss.

~~~~~

 

I must apologies, I tend to get philosophically invested in things.

😅

It has not been lost at all. Sort of. I was in 2 previous relationships each lasting longer than my current one. I married neither of those because one was a slutty cheating stealing lying jezebel, and the othe shared my belief at the time that marraige is for the birds and the government and the government drones disguised as birds. When i first got with my wife i was taking her from an inferior male whom she was regrettably married to at the time. Altho we moved in together nearly right away we did not marry until 3 years later and 7 days before the birth of Lilith Kay. She had been pressuring marraige unlike no other for 2 years leading up to that but i was set on having it in may when we started to date and i was a foreman running stores then, that time of year is most busy in commercial construction and i was unwilling to abandon my duty to lead my people in glorious conquest of building million dollar beauty salons just to marry (plus i already seen a lot of red flags just not enough to scare me away) anyhow, yeah im sort of backwards and semi-traditional. I was birthed into the world outside of the era i belong in LOL