How Are You Feeling? (cont'd)

[sekhmet2002]

Very blah today. No motivation whatsoever.

[sekhmet2002]

On 5/15/2019 at 9:11 PM, NocteSpiritus said:

Like just shutting down for a while. Things aren't looking good for the father, and it's the usual talk/preparing paperwork. So it'll just be the (hopefully slow and handleable) decent process of budgeting on the behalf of me and the mini me (youngest sister) for bills. 

Opening day for work has been pushed back, again. And there's so many days/times I'm willing to handle this before I start looking for another job. I wanna hang onto this airport job, but with the lack of progress even with pay, I need a secondary job. I can do uber once I get the car insurance and other paperwork worked out and in my name.

So much info I wanna just break down and just spill here, but so much I'm holding back because "no one really wants to hear this".

We all care about what is going on in your life. We're a family. I hope things start looking up for you.

[TronRP]

Feeling a bit useless at the moment.  I've been suffering from Charlie Horse since yesterday.  So far, rest and massage have been helping, but at current, I am getting nothing done physically.

 

...but I suppose taking care of what I can by computer is still something. 

[NocteSpiritus]

On 5/20/2019 at 12:24 AM, sekhmet2002 said:

We all care about what is going on in your life. We're a family. I hope things start looking up for you.

Thanks, Bobby. Basically, dad had lung cancer a couple/few years ago, and still smokes to this day (why I have no idea). It was found last year sometime that he's got brain tumors (natural assumption the cancer spread), and he had gone in for gamma radiation; the second round aggravated one of the tumors. His left side (tumors are on the right hemisphere of the brain) has gone numb and useless. Currently he's in an in patient rehab to try and get some use of the arm and leg, and trying to do more stuff to try and get him into hospice (though I've been told today he 'doesn't qualify'). He wants to come home, but with the work schedules between me and my sister, and stuff we wanna do, that'd be unfair to us to leave our jobs to take care of him. And, playing devil's advocate here, in home care could be denied/doesn't qualify as well. 

[TronRP]

Feeling overly concerned about letting people down.  I've had 2 slight dizzy spells in the last 12 hours.  But people have appointments and places to be and no contingency plans.  I'll handle it.

[kat (1)]

I feel pretty pathetic.  Yesterday I had to have xrays done of my back and neck and the guy had to put me into certain positions and when he was putting me in one specific position to where I had to be a certain way on my side he had to wrap his arms around me from behind and pull me towards him. It was like being embraced and I felt sad because I haven't been hugged by the opposite sex in that way in forever and I feel like such a loser because the only affection I get is from the xray tech. 

[kat (1)]

I'm actually crying.  I fucking suck. 

[kat (1)]

It's probably the migraine medication or this muscle relaxer.  Why would I crave affection? Could it be that I'm human and I have a vulnerable heart?

[TronRP]

12 hours ago, kat said:

It's probably the migraine medication or this muscle relaxer.  Why would I crave affection? Could it be that I'm human and I have a vulnerable heart?

~~~~~

This is why I said you need to hang with our clan from time to time.  Non-stressful human interaction helps to recharge your emotional battery. 💖

[NocteSpiritus]

18 hours ago, kat said:

It's probably the migraine medication or this muscle relaxer.  Why would I crave affection? Could it be that I'm human and I have a vulnerable heart?

Humans crave being touched, and one can be extremely lacking in that regard. 

[kat (1)]

I feel like I put some songs on YouTube cause seize the moment,  you only live once, right?

 

[kat (1)]

Weird body stuff: I have a beauty mark on my iris.  Part of my hazel eye looks like it's actually turned brown but its just a beauty mark. Yup.  Also,  my spine is degenerating and it curves to far forward which is some kind of condition that stards with a l or a t. I have to go physical therapy 3 times a week to try and fix it.  Seriously kids, when you are told to sit snd stand up straight please pay attention to this.  Your spine is extremely delicate,  one little slight and you could compromise your mobility forever, you think you're invincible and being rough and not getting treatment for things when you're 20 because it didn't hurt at the time it doesn't matter because 20 years later your body remembers.  Take care of yourself please and don't smoke and don't eat sugar.  Don't be like me, you'll be struggling at 40 wishing you never touched anything bad.

And don't have sex before marriage either.  Hmmmkkkay. Just kidding,  have sex all day but with the same person until they get tired. Lol

Just kidding.  Be nice. 

Edited May 24, 2019 by kat

[TronRP]

5 hours ago, kat said:

Weird body stuff: I have a beauty mark on my iris.  Part of my hazel eye looks like it's actually turned brown but its just a beauty mark. Yup.  Also,  my spine is degenerating and it curves to far forward which is some kind of condition that stards with a l or a t. I have to go physical therapy 3 times a week to try and fix it.  Seriously kids, when you are told to sit snd stand up straight please pay attention to this.  Your spine is extremely delicate,  one little slight and you could compromise your mobility forever, you think you're invincible and being rough and not getting treatment for things when you're 20 because it didn't hurt at the time it doesn't matter because 20 years later your body remembers.  Take care of yourself please and don't smoke and don't eat sugar.  Don't be like me, you'll be struggling at 40 wishing you never touched anything bad.

And don't have sex before marriage either.  Hmmmkkkay. Just kidding,  have sex all day but with the same person until they get tired. Lol

Just kidding.  Be nice. 

~~~~~

Way to bury the lead there...

Trene has to get epidurals for this condition so I totally feel you.  Her physical therapy starts again next month.  Mood is KEY.  You have to maintain a positive attitude because the idea of the condition can mess with your mind.  You need positive influences to keep you motivated.  Try to stay away from negativity or at the very least...try to limit your exposure to it.

Just remember, we are here...use as needed.

😁 

[kat (1)]

6 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Way to bury the lead there...

Trene has to get epidurals for this condition so I totally feel you.  Her physical therapy starts again next month.  Mood is KEY.  You have to maintain a positive attitude because the idea of the condition can mess with your mind.  You need positive influences to keep you motivated.  Try to stay away from negativity or at the very least...try to limit your exposure to it.

Just remember, we are here...use as needed.

😁 

Thank you so much! I just am glad to at least know that there is something I can do to fix it at least. Does she have the curve issue too?

[NocteSpiritus]

With the father home (after like 2 weeks between actual hospital and in patient rehab), and work starting next Tuesday, the time I need/could use for my original writings has slipped down to like nothing. Because the father would want help, and work's gonna take up some time during the week, and it could take a minute before I get the writing mood going and hate to lose it when I'm called upon.

[TronRP]

8 hours ago, kat said:

Thank you so much! I just am glad to at least know that there is something I can do to fix it at least. Does she have the curve issue too?

~~~~~

She has the straightening of the curvature of the spine in her neck, a herniated disk and a missing disk in the lumbar region.  She also suffers from Degenerative Disk Disorder as it runs in the family.  

[Trene4000]

Creeped out.

[TronRP]

Given that Tuesday I lost part of a filling out of a tooth that the dentist broke, I feel that I may have the pain under control for now.

[NocteSpiritus]

Ouch. 

 

Feet are protesting for being on them for near my whole shift (without break). We had our soft open today, and it was ... work. I should find/buy a bandanna for work.

[TronRP]

Now that I seem to be getting over the Charlie Horse in my calves, I'm going out to start on these yards.

[TronRP]

Just now, TronRP said:

Now that I seem to be getting over the Charlie Horse in my calves, I'm going out to start on these yards.

~~~~~

So I can say, "I'm feeling much better now"

[TronRP]

I feel so accomplished.  I just spent 4.5 hours cleaning up the overgrowth in Trene's side lot for bulk pickup tomorrow.

[NocteSpiritus]

These 12 hours without eating is not gonna cut it. First yesterday (ate around 8 am and no break). And today. Granted I had to take dad into the hospital, but still. 12 hours without eating anything more than a few Milky Way snack bars.

[NocteSpiritus]

Like I should be sad; my uncle just called to inform my dad (who's up at the hospital, by the sister's there) that their mom had passed away. I'm sure it'll hit in the next few days unless I just compartmentalize it.

[TronRP]

5 hours ago, NocteSpiritus said:

Like I should be sad; my uncle just called to inform my dad (who's up at the hospital, by the sister's there) that their mom had passed away. I'm sure it'll hit in the next few days unless I just compartmentalize it.

~~~~~

Actually, it mainly depends on what your relationship was with your grandmother.  Yes, you have compartmentalized it, but your reaction is relative to your emotional attachment to her.