How Are You Feeling? (cont'd)

[TronRP]

Feels like I needed that nap.  I totally went to sleep after getting back in from a DMC run.  I laid down at 12:30pm and woke up at 6pm.

[TronRP]

9 hours ago, Trene4000 said:

Relieved!

~~~~~

Did something happen after we got back?

[TronRP]

I am tired.  This was the last appointment for the week.  Now it's time to get back to business.  I have got to make sure I get rested up.

[Oz_]

I ate a tab and a half of acid last night. Took about 3.5 hours to "peak". Didn't really get any visuals though I think my vision was actually blurrier. Noticeable body buzz. Wound up watching videos on YouTube all night, almost all of which were animated stories of actual table-top roleplaying sessions. If that's your bag do a search for Puffin Forest and Dingo Doodles, I've subscribed to both. Gave me something to giggle at all night. Didn't feel that I could match motor function to cognitive ability enough to play a video game. Found myself having to make the extra effort to actually move my hands to do the thing I was thinking of doing. Started coming down about two hours before I needed to drive my wife to work. Was awake and hungry so I nuked a hot pocket for a quick breakfast/dinner/whatever before we had to go. On the way back, I started looking around at neighborhoods I'm driving past and remembering how I felt a year or so ago when I worked in cable and had to be in backyards working around this time of day, and realized how much I don't miss having to do that, and started singing a silly song about it. No rhyme, no measure, just cheerfully listing things I no longer have to deal with that I don't miss at all. It was kinda fun. Stopped midway and said "Why am I not recording this?" because I felt it was one of those peeks into my life that most people never get to see because I'm never that open around people so why not catch it for posterity? It's up on facebook now but depending on reactions and whether I turtle back up again I could pull it back down again. Exercise in breaking mental boundaries I guess. Finally got to bed around 8am, woke up feeling pretty good. I think I might have had a good dream, but I forgot all but half a scene from it. Those are usually the best kind.

[NocteSpiritus]

Tired after a long day.

Got up at 6 am to make sure I had everything (and could make a stop on the way into) for the job orientation. I had forgot to grab the info packet I had to fill out on my way in (luckily this one was after I got onto 94 after my food stop). I get turned around and lost trying to figure out where to park. There I realized I needed my badge (all this running around, I had that voice telling me that it was needed). So a trip back home to grab the badge then back to the parking area (I was pushing 50 even in the 40 mph areas). A wait for the shuttle to the north terminal; ride said shuttle. A less than 5 minute walk down to where the McNamara shuttle would be; wait then ride. Get to where I need to be (the Westin had this cool pool area that'll be in the next vlog) and get a little lost trying to read the map since there's the departure level (where I got off the shuttle), a level above, then two below. The lowest level was the conference room areas. Got there a half hour after when I "needed" to be; but it all worked out. And the lunch ... omg ... food. 

 

Salad with balsamic vinaigrette, rice, what seemed like grilled greens, choice of beef or fish (thinking salmon), and a few cakes. I took a little more than I prolly would have due to not having eaten earlier. 

[Troy Spiral (13)]

4 hours ago, Oz_ said:

I ate a tab and a half of acid last night. Took about 3.5 hours to "peak". Didn't really get any visuals though I think my vision was actually blurrier. Noticeable body buzz. Wound up watching videos on YouTube all night, almost all of which were animated stories of actual table-top roleplaying sessions. If that's your bag do a search for Puffin Forest and Dingo Doodles, I've subscribed to both. Gave me something to giggle at all night. Didn't feel that I could match motor function to cognitive ability enough to play a video game. Found myself having to make the extra effort to actually move my hands to do the thing I was thinking of doing. Started coming down about two hours before I needed to drive my wife to work. Was awake and hungry so I nuked a hot pocket for a quick breakfast/dinner/whatever before we had to go. On the way back, I started looking around at neighborhoods I'm driving past and remembering how I felt a year or so ago when I worked in cable and had to be in backyards working around this time of day, and realized how much I don't miss having to do that, and started singing a silly song about it. No rhyme, no measure, just cheerfully listing things I no longer have to deal with that I don't miss at all. It was kinda fun. Stopped midway and said "Why am I not recording this?" because I felt it was one of those peeks into my life that most people never get to see because I'm never that open around people so why not catch it for posterity? It's up on facebook now but depending on reactions and whether I turtle back up again I could pull it back down again. Exercise in breaking mental boundaries I guess. Finally got to bed around 8am, woke up feeling pretty good. I think I might have had a good dream, but I forgot all but half a scene from it. Those are usually the best kind.

 

The real-life RPG tabletop channels on twitch are pretty interesting.  I've not done any acid in like 15 years,  all maybe 8(?) times I just started laughing randomly all the time and then other times getting freaked out due to hallucinations.  Enjoyed it but in the end it seemed rough on my stomach.    Right now I'm on the hunt for X since all my shady character hookups seemed to have disappeared and it has a lot of potential to treat PTSD. 

 

Just leave it up!   Then fuck it , in a week or a day or two weeks throw something else up.   If you are feeling like the feedback might be overly negative you could take that into account in the future but not for something that is already out.  You put it out there, you made it, you overcame some insecurities about doing it... fuck em if they piss on it.  You did what you should have done.  

[TronRP]

I feel totally mentally and physically drained.  Had to deal with the boy hitting someone in school again for the 3rd time instead of following protocol, and now I will be receiving a call about it which means another trip down to the school.  And the only thing he cares about is the fact that he will be receiving detention...not the fact that he broke the rules again...no, just that he got caught which means detention.

 

I'm just so done right now...I hope I can hold up tonight for The Gathering.

[NocteSpiritus]

2 minutes ago, TronRP said:

I feel totally mentally and physically drained.  Had to deal with the boy hitting someone in school again for the 3rd time instead of following protocol, and now I will be receiving a call about it which means another trip down to the school.  And the only thing he cares about is the fact that he will be receiving detention...not the fact that he broke the rules again...no, just that he got caught which means detention.

 

I'm just so done right now...I hope I can hold up tonight for The Gathering.

Oh heeeellll no. Time for some juvie lock up for the weekend? (stupid attempt at a joke) Clearly he doesn't care what he does wrong, because the outcome/consequence is still the same thing. The consequence should/need to change to ... reflect what the real world is like. Don't know if suspension will work (in school if DPS has it; or out of school); cuz if it's out of school he might see that as a chance to "chill" when he should be put to work around the house. 

 

And trust me, I feel ya. I hope you make it; I wanna show you the work I did on the top hat I showed you a few weeks ago.

[TronRP]

2 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

Oh heeeellll no. Time for some juvie lock up for the weekend? (stupid attempt at a joke) Clearly he doesn't care what he does wrong, because the outcome/consequence is still the same thing. The consequence should/need to change to ... reflect what the real world is like. Don't know if suspension will work (in school if DPS has it; or out of school); cuz if it's out of school he might see that as a chance to "chill" when he should be put to work around the house. 

 

And trust me, I feel ya. I hope you make it; I wanna show you the work I did on the top hat I showed you a few weeks ago.

~~~~~

We are all headed to the restaurant together tonight.  Yes, I would enjoy seeing your hat.

[NocteSpiritus]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

We are all headed to the restaurant together tonight.  Yes, I would enjoy seeing your hat.

Woot!

[kat (1)]

I'm unhappy. 

[kat (1)]

My back still hurts from yesterday. I can't stand up straight.  I'm kinda worried. 

[TronRP]

2 minutes ago, kat said:

My back still hurts from yesterday. I can't stand up straight.  I'm kinda worried. 

~~~~~

Do you have time to go get it checked?

[kat (1)]

59 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Do you have time to go get it checked?

I just drove myself to the ER. 

[NocteSpiritus]

Need a place to go and chill away from the house and the father due to his attitudes (some of it's due to causes from medical issues). Latest attitude/debate issue was him thinking I was trying to solely blame humans for climate change when I was trying to point out since the industrial revolution, what has happened hasn't helped climate change. It happens, I know that, but he turns it into a debate/argument. This is why I need to move into my own place.

[kat (1)]

So he's saying he thinks it's a pinched nerve or something deep tissue muscular related or my sciatica and they gave me a steroid injection and some steroids and tylenol 3 to get filled at pharmacy.  I was there less than an hour.  Crazy. I just feel like I need someone with strong hands to take there knuckles and just grind them hard into that area. Its Its one of those needs pain inflicted on it to make it feel good. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by kat
What does that mean?

[TronRP]

17 minutes ago, kat said:

So he's saying he thinks it's a pinched nerve or something deep tissue muscular related or my sciatica and they gave me a steroid injection and some steroids and tylenol 3 to get filled at pharmacy.  I was there less than an hour.  Crazy. I just feel like I need someone with strong hands to take there knuckles and just grind them hard into that area. Its Its one of those needs pain inflicted on it to make it feel good. 

~~~~~

@Stu is a masseuse.  I'm sure he could help with that.

[TronRP]

46 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

Need a place to go and chill away from the house and the father due to his attitudes (some of it's due to causes from medical issues). Latest attitude/debate issue was him thinking I was trying to solely blame humans for climate change when I was trying to point out since the industrial revolution, what has happened hasn't helped climate change. It happens, I know that, but he turns it into a debate/argument. This is why I need to move into my own place.

~~~~~

Ah, totally understand that.

[TronRP]

I can't believe I actually had that "feel like a failure" moment when it was suggested that the boy stay with his other aunt for a while this summer.  I had told myself that I would not do that "parent thing" where you feel like it's your fault that a child will not behave the way they are being taught to and you feel judged for it, but it happened.  I literally had to shake myself out of it last night. 

 

Then I had to remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can not make it drink. 

 

Who knows, the boy will probably finally listen to someone because they will be catering to his every need.  From various conversations, I am under the impression that it is believed that I don't give the boy what he "needs" mentally and physically.

[NocteSpiritus]

28 minutes ago, TronRP said:

I can't believe I actually had that "feel like a failure" moment when it was suggested that the boy stay with his other aunt for a while this summer.  I had told myself that I would not do that "parent thing" where you feel like it's your fault that a child will not behave the way they are being taught to and you feel judged for it, but it happened.  I literally had to shake myself out of it last night. 

 

Then I had to remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can not make it drink. 

 

Who knows, the boy will probably finally listen to someone because they will be catering to his every need.  From various conversations, I am under the impression that it is believed that I don't give the boy what he "needs" mentally and physically.

It's not your fault as a parent if a child doesn't ... "conform" into person you wished they did even after years of teaching. We're all different people (and will be drawn to like minded people). If he is unable to "conform" into the person you're trying to mold him into, maybe it would ... better? if he goes to someone who could get to him easier.

This is, in part, speaking from experience with the demon sister and her years of drug use and being in and out of rehab (that done through the parents'). No matter what, she'll get clean for a short time then fall back into using again. Now she's gone and essentially disappeared (we can't get a hold of her). I'm in the mind of "good, I can finally focus on myself and what I need to do instead of what the demon wants". 

That's not to say what you should do with the boy (I'll nickname air head). It's me saying that I understand where you're coming from with Air Head.

[TronRP]

8 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

It's not your fault as a parent if a child doesn't ... "conform" into person you wished they did even after years of teaching. We're all different people (and will be drawn to like minded people). If he is unable to "conform" into the person you're trying to mold him into, maybe it would ... better? if he goes to someone who could get to him easier.

This is, in part, speaking from experience with the demon sister and her years of drug use and being in and out of rehab (that done through the parents'). No matter what, she'll get clean for a short time then fall back into using again. Now she's gone and essentially disappeared (we can't get a hold of her). I'm in the mind of "good, I can finally focus on myself and what I need to do instead of what the demon wants". 

That's not to say what you should do with the boy (I'll nickname air head). It's me saying that I understand where you're coming from with Air Head.

~~~~~

Air Head...

 

The issue is, I was more upset with myself because when I first took guardianship of the Monchichis, I told them that I was not replacing their parents, I was just here to guide them, properly, into adulthood.  I told them I would take care of them and that I would never give up on them so long as they meet me halfway.  

 

I was not expecting to feel that way when his aunt readily agreed (without hesitation) to take him because she had already voiced concerns that I was not meeting his needs.  First she said it directly to me, then she would only "hint" at it after that...I supposed so as not to make me feel too inferior.  But I have told him on multiple occasions that if he didn't want to stay here anymore, arrangements could be made to accommodate him elsewhere.  So in a way, he will finally get what he wanted.

 

I think my biggest fear is that he will like it there so much that when he returns, all we will hear about is how he got to sit around and play video games, hang out around the house, eat what he wanted, etc.  The reason he had so many limitations and supervisions put on him at the HomeHouse was because everytime we allowed him to do something, he would find a way to abuse or destroy it.  His aunt believes that letting him destroy and/or abuse things is all part of the growing up process.  But the problem with the boy is he won't stop once he is allowed to get away with something.

 

The other thing is he always acts different around each person.  He has made me look bad on several occasions around other family members, administrators and doctors and he gets special treatment because they believe I am difficult to live with because of how he plays things up.  For some reason, people seem to believe him over me.  That is something that really bugs me.  If he sees he gets sympathy for something, he will play it up, continuously, until the person gets tired of it.

 

I kind of wish he would show his true face and let his aunt see the type of child he really is so she would understand...

😏

 

[NocteSpiritus]

3 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Air Head...

 

The issue is, I was more upset with myself because when I first took guardianship of the Monchichis, I told them that I was not replacing their parents, I was just here to guide them, properly, into adulthood.  I told them I would take care of them and that I would never give up on them so long as they meet me halfway.  

 

I was not expecting to feel that way when his aunt readily agreed (without hesitation) to take him because she had already voiced concerns that I was not meeting his needs.  First she said it directly to me, then she would only "hint" at it after that...I supposed so as not to make me feel too inferior.  But I have told him on multiple occasions that if he didn't want to stay here anymore, arrangements could be made to accommodate him elsewhere.  So in a way, he will finally get what he wanted.

 

I think my biggest fear is that he will like it there so much that when he returns, all we will hear about is how he got to sit around and play video games, hang out around the house, eat what he wanted, etc.  The reason he had so many limitations and supervisions put on him at the HomeHouse was because everytime we allowed him to do something, he would find a way to abuse or destroy it.  His aunt believes that letting him destroy and/or abuse things is all part of the growing up process.  But the problem with the boy is he won't stop once he is allowed to get away with something.

 

The other thing is he always acts different around each person.  He has made me look bad on several occasions around other family members, administrators and doctors and he gets special treatment because they believe I am difficult to live with because of how he plays things up.  For some reason, people seem to believe him over me.  That is something that really bugs me.  If he sees he gets sympathy for something, he will play it up, continuously, until the person gets tired of it.

 

I kind of wish he would show his true face and let his aunt see the type of child he really is so she would understand...

😏

 

Thought you'd get a kick outta that. And it kinda fits from how I'm understanding the boy.

 

I think, once a child knows who their parent(s) are, there's no replacing that. And guiding them into adulthood is what a parent's supposed to do. Granted I'm not one to talk since I'm not a parent in any regard; I can only voice my opinion on the situation (maybe partially) based on my own experiences/view points. If food, shelter, schooling, and other necessary things are taken care of at the homehouse, then the needs have been met. 

For the aunt to step in and "suggest" that Air Head's needs aren't being met, and that "destroying/abusing things is part of the growing up process" is a load of bull. He wants to do his own thing, doesn't see that there are/will be consequences to his actions (shrugs them off if there is any consequences) and goes about his merry way. It seems like he doesn't realize, or doesn't care, that once he turns 18, shit gets real from what you've told me.

I'm partial to say allow the aunt to take him in, and once (hopefully she'll realize) the boy starts doing there what he's done with you, she'll 1. start trying to get him to shape up 2. come to you and apologize and all that. I don't know if either would happen. 

His actions and personality at home probably won't fly with me because of my experiences with the demon sister and my own experiences growing up with my mom. 

Or, as amusing thought popped into my head, as a new sort of "punishment". Whenever he acts out or whatnot, have him dress up in outlandish clothing. The idea that popped into my head was that of the princess dress up dresses that you could get for little girls. If normal punishments haven't worked, and he's humiliated you with someone about something, turn the tables. Whether that'll work, I don't know. Get the ugliest dress/female attire you can from the thrift store (several pieces will work) and tell him that every time he acts out (school, with you, etc), he's gotta wear the dress/outfit the whole next day. There will be no putting a change of clothes in his backpack to change into (because you'll call the school and notify admin/teachers about it) once at school.

[TronRP]

5 minutes ago, NocteSpiritus said:

Thought you'd get a kick outta that. And it kinda fits from how I'm understanding the boy.

 

I think, once a child knows who their parent(s) are, there's no replacing that. And guiding them into adulthood is what a parent's supposed to do. Granted I'm not one to talk since I'm not a parent in any regard; I can only voice my opinion on the situation (maybe partially) based on my own experiences/view points. If food, shelter, schooling, and other necessary things are taken care of at the homehouse, then the needs have been met. 

For the aunt to step in and "suggest" that Air Head's needs aren't being met, and that "destroying/abusing things is part of the growing up process" is a load of bull. He wants to do his own thing, doesn't see that there are/will be consequences to his actions (shrugs them off if there is any consequences) and goes about his merry way. It seems like he doesn't realize, or doesn't care, that once he turns 18, shit gets real from what you've told me.

I'm partial to say allow the aunt to take him in, and once (hopefully she'll realize) the boy starts doing there what he's done with you, she'll 1. start trying to get him to shape up 2. come to you and apologize and all that. I don't know if either would happen. 

His actions and personality at home probably won't fly with me because of my experiences with the demon sister and my own experiences growing up with my mom. 

Or, as amusing thought popped into my head, as a new sort of "punishment". Whenever he acts out or whatnot, have him dress up in outlandish clothing. The idea that popped into my head was that of the princess dress up dresses that you could get for little girls. If normal punishments haven't worked, and he's humiliated you with someone about something, turn the tables. Whether that'll work, I don't know. Get the ugliest dress/female attire you can from the thrift store (several pieces will work) and tell him that every time he acts out (school, with you, etc), he's gotta wear the dress/outfit the whole next day. There will be no putting a change of clothes in his backpack to change into (because you'll call the school and notify admin/teachers about it) once at school.

~~~~~

I totally hear you on all this.  And yes, we grew up with a very strict mother because she was divorced and raising 4 small children on her own.  Certain family members were waiting to see her fail.  But she flourished.  And it made us closer as a family unit.  We referred to ourselves as the 5 Musketeers for decades.  😊

 

As for the girly dress up, unfortunately, even if I were given the go ahead to humiliate him at school like that, he would just come home and something would happen; stuff down the toilet, people's stuff in the house would mysteriously go missing, he would act out beyond bratty, etc...  His deal is if he suffers, so will someone else, unless it got him extra attention at school (he loves to play the victim).

 

At this point in his journey, there is no "win" with him because he knows he is protected.  He's not really mentally planning on shaping up until he is 17 or 18.  But I told him that the way he is now is the way he will be then.  Unless something drastic happens, he will still be the same person, just older.  However, after 18, a different set of "laws" can touch him.

[NocteSpiritus]

16 minutes ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

I totally hear you on all this.  And yes, we grew up with a very strict mother because she was divorced and raising 4 small children on her own.  Certain family members were waiting to see her fail.  But she flourished.  And it made us closer as a family unit.  We referred to ourselves as the 5 Musketeers for decades.  😊

 

As for the girly dress up, unfortunately, even if I were given the go ahead to humiliate him at school like that, he would just come home and something would happen; stuff down the toilet, people's stuff in the house would mysteriously go missing, he would act out beyond bratty, etc...  His deal is if he suffers, so will someone else, unless it got him extra attention at school (he loves to play the victim).

 

At this point in his journey, there is no "win" with him because he knows he is protected.  He's not really mentally planning on shaping up until he is 17 or 18.  But I told him that the way he is now is the way he will be then.  Unless something drastic happens, he will still be the same person, just older.  However, after 18, a different set of "laws" can touch him.

And that's great; and maybe that's where other family members are waiting to see you fail just because your mother succeed. 

 

It wasn't so much going for girly clothing, but the outlandish styles one could do (like a full male dinner wardrobe from the 1950s). And since 'he has to suffer, others have to as well', those in the house can/could play along and not show how his actions affect them. Make it so that he doesn't see others suffer even though they do. It's a long term plan that probably won't play out.

 

And yes, if he's not preparing for when he turns 18 now, there's no way he can at 17. I hadn't been given that chance because "I was in school, and that was more important" according to my mother. And partially due to that, I'm in the position I am now where I'm hunkering down with plans to move out ASAP (plan is after Oct since that's when the Supernatural convention is), but plans can change. Air head's plan is probably to leek off of people for as long as possible before moving onto the next person. 

[kat (1)]

The bottle said I can take 2 tylenol 3 at the same time. I think I ate too many kale chips also.

Edited April 27, 2019 by kat