The Official DGN Pity Party Thread!!!

[the eternal]

I know this isnt quite appropriate for the pity party, ( posting it because it's been a common bitch)

but I just passed a Speedway that dropped gas .40!!!!

to 2.99/gallon :woot:

If you told me a week ago it would be 3 bucks a gallon I wouldve shot you. But now Im happy. I may actually afford to go to Chicago (not that Id have a choice if I couldn't)

[unchaste]

hey, make stop by Wayne on your way south. I needs me some lovin.

[bean]

I've been with amazing women from around the world, but I've never had even a drop of bean water lick my sweet face 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'll have to fix that

[unchaste]

Okay, this is going to sound REALLY stupid and childish, but it still upsets me as greatly today as it did when I was 10.

Everyone likes my sister more than they like me. I am not imagining this. She's always been thinner and cuter and prettier, and I've always been smarter and wittier and more mature. And she's bi (more like 90% lesbian), so every guy that finds that out is like "Ooooooh....she has sex with girls......must persue...." As soon as she comes into the picture, i get pushed into the background. I suspose this is my fault for bringing her to city club in the first place, but stupid me, i didn't think that all the guys that WERE interested in me would become interested in HER and forget that i existed.

I've only just now realized that I'm an attention whore. I never got any attention before I went to city club. It was a first for me. i know it's stupid and selfish, but that only makes me feel twice as worse. i tried to ignore this and still go & have fun, but it just keeps eating away at the back of my brain.

Fuck.

[phee]

Okay, this is going to sound REALLY stupid and childish, but it still upsets me as greatly today as it did when I was 10.

Everyone likes my sister more than they like me.  I am not imagining this.  She's always been thinner and cuter and prettier, and I've always been smarter and wittier and more mature.  And she's bi (more like 90% lesbian), so every guy that finds that out is like "Ooooooh....she has sex with girls......must persue...."  As soon as she comes into the picture, i get pushed into the background.  I suspose this is my fault for bringing her to city club in the first place, but stupid me, i didn't think that all the guys that WERE interested in me would become interested in HER and forget that i existed.

I've only just now realized that I'm an attention whore.  I never got any attention before I went to city club.  It was a first for me.  i know it's stupid and selfish, but that only makes me feel twice as worse.  i tried to ignore this and still go & have fun, but it just keeps eating away at the back of my brain.

Fuck.

:peanutbutterjellytime :peanutbutterjellytime pArty

[unchaste]

do i win something for being the most pitiful?

[phee]

A peace of black frosted coal!!!

[unchaste]

yay!

[phee]

I got a staple in my eye....

[unchaste]

how in the bleeding hell did you manage to do that?

[phee]

how in the bleeding hell did you manage to do that?

....I put it there.... :innocent

[unchaste]

good job, phEE, good job

[ManicQueen]

I'm lonely. I'm bored. I'm sad. I need a hug.

Have pity on me.

[phee]

*phee poors pity flakes on Manic's head*

[the eternal]

I'm lonely. I'm bored. I'm sad. I need a hug.

Have pity on me.

No pity. I've got something better.

Okay, this is going to sound REALLY stupid and childish, but it still upsets me as greatly today as it did when I was 10.

Everyone likes my sister more than they like me.  I am not imagining this.  She's always been thinner and cuter and prettier, and I've always been smarter and wittier and more mature.  And she's bi (more like 90% lesbian), so every guy that finds that out is like "Ooooooh....she has sex with girls......must persue...."  As soon as she comes into the picture, i get pushed into the background.  I suspose this is my fault for bringing her to city club in the first place, but stupid me, i didn't think that all the guys that WERE interested in me would become interested in HER and forget that i existed.

I've only just now realized that I'm an attention whore.  I never got any attention before I went to city club.  It was a first for me.  i know it's stupid and selfish, but that only makes me feel twice as worse.  i tried to ignore this and still go & have fun, but it just keeps eating away at the back of my brain.

Fuck.

That doesn't sound stupid at all.

My sister's 3 years older than me.

She was always more popular than me.

She, and everyone else, thought she was more attractive than me.

She was a total snob, but no one knew it because she was really fake.

I used to get made fun of as a kid in part because of her.

Kids used to tease me and ask if I was adopted. =( =(

(BTW in retrospect, that was one of the finest compliments I've ever received in my life) :woot:

She would always tell on me, for every little thing, real or imagined,

and kiss my parents ass,

even though she didn't particularly like them.

Still, I protected her,

even when she got wasted

or did drugs

or had abortions

or flouted everything our parents instilled in us.

And she continued to sell me out for a nickel.

My mother once told me that if I treated her the way my sister did,

things would be easier for me.

And I knew that was true.

I'm just not good at dishing out bullshit.

Never have, never will be

So, she got all new clothes all the time, while

I had to beg for things when they frayed.

She went out every weekend, while

I stayed in and watched a movie.

She had everything paid for to Michigan State, plus tons of extra money every month for "discretionary expenses"

plus a shopping spree for necessities like furniture/cookware.

Although smarter, I went to community college where mostly losers went (I grew up in a nice Chicago suburb).

When I decided to go to an out of state school, my parents said not unless I has residency, so I said I'd make it on my own.

They laughed at me and said I'd be home in 2 weeks. (It's been over a decade since then and I've NEVER looked back. =) )

For MY necessities,

I had to steal a towel and a couple glasses from my parents, and my African friend down there got me a bent out of shape pot from the "international closet"

which is like a garage sale free bin for new foreign students.

She got money to study in England/get stoned in Amsterdam and partied her ass off during spring break at South Padre.

I worked during my breaks

HELL I worked all the time

My parents paid off her credit cards and let her move in with her husband and child.

I got lectured when I asked for a loan.

Now I'm NOT asking for your sympathy.

AND

I realize many of you had MUCH harder lives than I ever did.

I never starved

I never wanted

I never worried if the lights would get turned off (until I got on my own that is )

It's just...

you know when you grow up and you realize you're not the "preferred child"

The sun RISES AND SETS with your sibling.

While you're just:

another burden (and Yes, I HAVE been told that BTW)

It's tough.

Looking back, I realize my parents should have stopped at one child.

I don't say that to be dramatic or self-loathing. I really think they would have been happier that way. I don't play their games

NOR DO I WANT TO

It's just that

they didn't know what to do with me, which is funny considering what a good kid I was.

I just wasn't the kind of kid they wanted.

I was weird

I was different.

I was emotional.

But most of all

I was honest...

and there's nothing worst than honesty in a household built on

denial, repression and lies.

So, back to my sister.

I used to look up to her. I used to think she was very cool. I used to envy her looks, popularity, and ability to attract all kinds of people and especially the admiration of our parents.

Now I'm older.

And wiser.

I realize I dont need their approval.

I dont need my parents crap, and I

dont have to put up with my sister's fakeness or competitiveness.

(BTW, do you ever feel like you're in a race with your sibling, except you were never told about and now youre 5ive laps behind as s/he's passing the finish line???)

So, I dont talk to them anymore.

It's much less stressful for me.

(so I can focus what precious little energy is left on my unstable job and personal life.)

I miss them, but I realize it's what I TRULY need (and when it comes to them I rarely think of that)

Whenever, I've gone to Chicago in the past, I'd get the requisite bullshit hugs and "how are you doing"

only to leave the weekend feeling used and empty.

So, I don't anymore.

I still have other family there I see, but NOT them.

Not for now anyway.

I'm soooooooooooo sorry for boring you.

I really don't know when to stop.

That's what my parents used to always tell me when they sent me to my room as a kid.

Some habits die hard.

:tear

Looking back, I realize my motivational/insecurity problems lie with the fact that they never believed in me and they honestly EXPECTED me to fail at every turn in my life. No, they really did.

At that (failing)Ive had some great successes. :laughing :erm :tear

My goal now is to leave them behind and focus on my strengths, so I can be the person I want to be.

It's easy to look back and blame your f***ed upness on your family life, but I know at some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and say,

I'm not going to let them ruin my life.

They dont deserve the satisfaction.

My biggest thing was I didnt realize until recently I was doing that because it was what they had always thought of me.

ALWAYS the enabler.

ALWAYS wanting to please the family and others.

But you know what, it is my life and if I don't succeed at this point, I only have myself to blame (and DGN, always DGN, you evil addictive monster )

So, my original point

Unchaste,

f*** her, I mean really don't let her or her supposed beauty bring you down.

And don't screw up school the way I did to please some bullshit destiny.(this is in reference to an earlier post about WSU)

And for the guys that like her more,

f*** them too.

Actually, don't

I mean, if all they're excited about is a possible threesome that probably won't happen anyway, they're vapid self-centered pricks

AND THEY'D BE LOUSY IN BED.

Smart and witty and funny can be very sexy.

You just need to find the right guy(s) to appreciate it.

[JaneDead]

She would always tell on me, for every little thing, real or imagined,

and kiss my parents ass,

even though she didn't particularly like them.

....

My mother once told me that if I treated her the way my sister did,

things would be easier for me.

And I knew that was true. 

I'm just not good at dishing out bullshit. 

Never have,  never will be

....

you know when you grow up and you realize you're not the "preferred child"

The sun RISES AND SETS with your sibling.

While you're just:

another burden (and Yes, I HAVE been told that BTW)

It's tough.

Looking back, I realize my parents should have stopped at one child.

....

I just wasn't the kind of kid they wanted. 

I was weird

I was different.

I was emotional. 

But most of all

I was honest...

and there's nothing worst than honesty in a houshold built on

denial, repression and lies.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

this sounds like me

it used to make me angry with my sister but then i realized it was not really her fault. she was the way she was and my mom preferred her (though she said she didn't, she DID) so it was my mother who was making me feel the anger i felt.

my situation was not the same as yours eternal but the treatment was.

i got over it pretty early on thankfully and don't blame anyone anymore for anything. i am happy with who i am in the life that i have no matter how anyone feels about or treats me... no matter who they are.

my grandpa once told me when i was about 15/16 that i needed to learn how to kiss my mom's ass once in awhille like my sister did. i said "that is not me. never was never will be" this was when i got grounded for 3 months (the whole summer) basically for doing something my sister did years later and got a hug and the "oh i was so worried about you". *tears* but i got punched and grounded for 3 months. (which is weird my mother PUNCHED me when she never hit me before or after that - my parents NEVER hit me.)

another funny thing is how parents NEVER seem to remember how things REALLY were only how they thought it was. you know the good happy times when they were wonderful and you don't know what you are talking about.... "i sure don't remember that... that never happened" :grin

luckily though my parents always realized what a good kid i really was. i never did bad things that other kids did. so even when i felt i was not the favorite or even what they wanted me to be i knew i was ok and going to be ok.

being the favorite is NOT fun anyways. i have come to realize that. :grin

[Brenda Starrr]

I was never the favorite. Nor do I care to be. I love who I am, as do many others. However, I won't conform to what others' expectations of me are. I know I'm a hard worker. I know I'm a decent person. I know that I'm very giving. I'm able to admit when I'm wrong.

If others don't like it, they know where they can go. If not, they're stupid, and I have no time for that.

[fever blister]

my bike has a flat

[the eternal]

THIS A BIT PATHETIC,

EVEN FOR THE PITY PARTY.

YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP TO THE NEXT POST.

OTHERWISE, CONSIDER YOURSELF PROPERLY CAUTIONED

"It used to make me angry with my sister but then I realized it was not really her fault. she was the way she was and my mom preferred her (though she said she didn't, she DID) so it was my mother who was making me feel the anger i felt."

Yeah, I remember once in college arguing with my parents, and they said

"You're just jealous of your sister."

And I said "No, I'm just saddened that you treat me like such garbage and you can't even see what you do"

As always, they ignored what I said and went on yelling about how much of a disappointment I was to them.

I WILL say this.

Although my parents treatment of me was initially independent of my sister's actions, my sister was ALWAYS an extremely manipulative individual.

IT WAS TRULY NECESSARY FOR THEM TO KNOW

THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

and therefore inferior to what she was

As a kid, she would get me in trouble and start blaming me for things I never did.

She would always act like a third parent running to them "Mom Dad I'm really concerned about him...."

It was SHE that was very jealous of me my whole life.

When I was born, my parents paid more attention to me, and I found out years later that it infuriated her. Basically, from there on out, there was a competition for my parents attention/approval

EXCEPT

A. she HAD all their attention

B. I NEVER sought out their approval. AND

and

C. I NEVER knew of said competition

(I found this out as an adult after a weak moment in my sister's life-for another thread)

Apparently, she was jealous of my intelligence and depth.

Which is odd since as anyone on here can testify, I am sorely lacking in both.

Anyway, any time I had a weakness and confided in her,

did pot

gave someone money who never paid me back

questioned my sexuality

questioned my religion,

etc

she ran to my parents and here's the pathetic part.

I NEVER FIGURED OUT IT WAS HER.

I know.

Im a gullible jackass.

Even now, she's in constant competition.

WELL, SHE WON.

She lives close to them.

Made sure there are twice as many pictures on the wall of her than me.

Made my mother retire to help raise her 2 ugly kids (Im not being bitter. One of them can crack mirrors on sight)

Spends every day talking to them and advising them on how to live their life.

Became a housewife to show Mom how superior she is even to her own mother.

And even tries to get them to praise Jesus.

6 million of her people die and she turns coat and becomes a bible-toting evangelist.

It's truly horrifying.

And my parents lectured me about not being close to g-d,

she doesn't even know what she's praising.

When I look at how she's lead her life, it's almost pathological.

She will be in constant competition with something, even with me out of the picture.

She's like Martha Stewart, with out the money, power, or prison term.

So, I got out.

I have lived quite a sad existence and honestly have NO IDEA what she's jealous of.

But, I'm more than happy to let her live in:

her nice suburban home

with her two brats that DONT respect her

and a redneck Wisconsin fundamentalist

who's a complete asshole

and her new Christian friends that nauseate me

(I HONESTLY miss the snotty elitist anorexics she traded in when she found Jesus and decided to get married in blue jeans outside a barn-I'm not kidding)

I'll just have no part of it.

Every time I come in, there's something I'm doing wrong

and you know what,

if I have to choose between the stepford wife and her two worshippers AND

my own life, it's an easy choice.

Because although, I thought I was the one who was needy,

she's centered her entire life around telling them how wonderful they are and how everyone else is worthless.

They honestly deserve each other.

I just hope Dad doesn't fuck the girls (for another thread)

"My situation was not the same as yours eternal but the treatment was.

I got over it pretty early on thankfully and don't blame anyone anymore for anything. I am happy with who I am in the life that I have no matter how anyone feels about or treats me... no matter who they are. "

And that is why I hate you (or admire you intensely without reservation. Is there a difference, I always forget???)

I'm a little thin-skinned and over-sensitive. I'll be the first to admit it.

Now our parents instill in us values

AND

are the greatest shapers of who we are to become,

so I feel comfortable blaming them with my insecurities and

ridiculous need to be reassured all the time

since everything I did

AND CONTINUE TO DO

IS somehow

wrong

stupid

AND

unacceptable

but YOU KNOW WHAT,

I'm not 10 or 12 or

even 19.

At this point, (and Unchaste I hope you're there with me on this), nothing I say or do will change my family or how they treat me.

I'm hoping NOW

to have the strength and discipline to stop revelling in my worst habits, because they often have the same negative results as the various addictions many on DGN have.

I used to joke that I wish I had a drug/alcohol problem so I'd at least have a good excuse for the various times Ive f'ed things up.

But in the end its down to me.

Even NOW, right this second and all afternoon I've been doing this instead of work,

putting everything I worked for in jeopardy and I STILL dont fully know why.

THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!1

I need to learn some self-discipline

I guess tomorrow's another day :erm :erm :erm =(

AGAIN, IM REALLY SORRY FOR MY RAMBLING. I know things could be much worse.

[the eternal]

I was never the favorite. Nor do I care to be. I love who I am, as do many others. However, I won't conform to what others' expectations of me are. I know I'm a hard worker. I know I'm a decent person. I know that I'm very giving. I'm able to admit when I'm wrong.

If others don't like it, they know where they can go. If not, they're stupid, and I have no time for that.

One day, I hope to love who I am, and be a better worker. I can and usually work ridiculously hard.

Things have just been crazy lately at work and home and I think I've let my worst habits take over to deal with the stress.

Ive already had an ulcer and I sure dont want that again

I don't know why I continue to let what other say or think get to me sooo much,

it's just one of those things I struggle with.

Tell me Im not the only one :tear :tear :tear

[Guest Game of Chance]

One day, I hope to love who I am, and be a better worker.  I can and usually work ridiculously hard.

Things have just been crazy lately at work and home and I think I've let my worst habits take over to deal with the stress. 

Ive already had an ulcer and I sure dont want that again

I don't know why I continue to let what other say or think get to me sooo much, 

it's just one of those things I struggle with.

Tell me Im not the only one  :tear  :tear  :tear

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lol...i don't know dude. I get paid based on how much I sell. And I'm damned good at it. And in my other job, I get paid to outsmart my opponent. And I'm pretty good at that too. So either way, I really don't give a F@*#. Its great.

[Brenda Starrr]

Tell me Im not the only one  :tear  :tear  :tear

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Honey, you're not the only one.

[slingerlandstyx]

I have a fever of 102.2 and I have to work tomorrow. Somebody bring me some soup and cheez-its... Please?

[Brenda Starrr]

If I were closer, Jeremy, I would. I'm all over taking care of people. While wearing a face mask.

[slingerlandstyx]

If I were closer, Jeremy, I would. I'm all over taking care of people. While wearing a face mask.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lol, thanks Brenda. You're an awesome person.