Erection. Pissing while you have one.

[Vater Araignee]

There will be more than one occassion when the male of the species will wake up with a raging hard-on. This in itself is not of too much concern, but when your bladder is screaming at you for instant relief, that trek to the toilet can be filled with a mixture of expectation, racing thoughts, fear and dread.

Those that are not initiated to the concept may think "Hey big deal.. it still comes out no problem", but let me throw one very serious word your way.. "angles". An erect penis would not be problem in these circumstances if toilets were mounted on the wall and bathrooms were fitted with anti-gravity devices. If you have experienced this angle problem you'll probably have considered sending a letter to your old math teacher about updating the curriculum with some more practical real world examples.

Put simply, any attempt to urinate at an angle below the horizontal cuts off the waterworks instantly. This problem can cause you to attempt some far-out contortions and do some really dumb things.

The pinnacle of these dumb ideas can be attempting to place your body horizontal to the floor AND 3 feet above the ground at the same time. Of course that is impossible and it usually leads to a gradual progression from leaning over, to leaning over the toilet, to a full on tilt action with hand over cistern and legs splayed out like some sort of squashed spider. Don't even consider drunk, erect and busting to go. That can end in some serious toilet carnage as you fall and get wedged between the toilet bowl and the wall, looking like some hideous mutant toilet turtle with an out of place erect penis.

The second dumb idea is attempting to urinate at range. I don't know about you but two factors come into play here - accuracy and water pressure. The intense need to urinate can dampen even the most accurate of sharp shooters and in case you haven't noticed (despite prayers that it would) urine does not exit the penis at your standard car's tyre pressure. At first it might be a dribble or a perhaps an ever increasing arc. The outcome naturally is a nice puddle leading up to the toilet. That is something not appreciated by your significant other.

The other option is to wait it out like a good bladder soldier. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But be warned... I am pretty sure there are men out there that have been walking around for years with an erectic penis waiting for it to go down. There seems to be some biological infinite loop where a full bladder reinforces penis erection and so on. Also be warned - PLAYING WITH IT WILL NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY! except for some of the freaks out there. If you are lucky the erection will subside in due course before you explode in a massive spray of urine, mangled flesh and blood.

This might be a good time for nature lovers to dash outside and pretend that no one else can see them urinating in their backyard with an erect penis.

[soothsayer]

This has been an issue for me almost every morning for about 20 some years now. More mornings than not I have to fight my way through my morning wood so I can unload my bladder. I have found that leaning forward is the only thing that helps. Aside from just waiting it out. Often I don't have to wait for full deflation and can proceed at half mass.

What a strange topic you've brought up Vater. :laughing

[Vater Araignee]

I'll wait for more replies then I'll tell you how to drop that erection in under 15 seconds.

[Steven]

this cracked me up.

Had to wipe up another mis-aimed boner puddle off the floor Vater?

Happens to the best of us.

Soothsayer is right.

Lean forward. But clean up your mess if your off a bit - the little woman has enough to deal with besides our dang pee problems.

Steven

[Homicidalheathen]

My ex was always drunk with a hard on.

He leaned forward and put on hand on the back of the toilet so he wouldn't fall over.....and the other he pushed down his dick with....it was funny to watch. At first... :confused

[unchaste]

this is one of the few areas in which i have sympathy for males of our species. sorry, boys. But hey you get the tradeoff - you can piss pretty much anywhere you want at non-boner times. Most women can't do that.

[paradox]

either i fight it off or i get in a position where its no problem. i dont think i can even describe with words that position, but its not as difficult to imagine as it might sound. sometimes you can do the lean too.

[Brenda Starrr]

It must be rough, owning a kickstand that leaks.

[soothsayer]

It must be rough, owning a kickstand that leaks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes it is. =(

[Medea]

Why not pee in the tub? Stand at one end and let it 'er rip. Unless you DO have piss that shoots out at tire-like pressures, it should all end up in the tub. Then just run the water a bit to "flush".

[Aralis]

Just sit down and arrange yourself and go. That seems easier to me!

[paradox]

um....no.

water level? assuming you can sit and also get it to point right...

[The_Dark]

Why not pee in the tub?  Stand at one end and let it 'er rip.  Unless you DO have piss that shoots out at tire-like pressures, it should all end up in the tub.  Then just run the water a bit to "flush".

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ever use a garden hose? Ever put your thumb over the end and restrict the water flow? The same things happens to the urinary canal... Pissing with an erection can be very bad for the hand towels, the wall... the fake flowers... any exposed toothbrush....

Sitting down and arranging things... Morning wood is a super erection. Bending it down and somehow getting it through the toilet seat as you sit... It hurts, alot.. and further restricts the urinary tract. Not to mention the fact that you either put the head of it in the toilet water or bend it sideways while your bending it down... It's not really an option unless you have a short penis.

[Scary Guy]

Find a nude picture of bea arthur... problem sovled

[Head Wreck]

margret thatcher...

in a lace teddy

job done

[Paper Hearts]

I think of a green tractor, there's nothing sexy about John Deer.

[Head Wreck]

yes and no.

so many love ballards sung by the wurzells that have tractors or harvesters in em

[Paper Hearts]

I just...farm work really turns me off...and i find 'green' tractors work faster than red ones because red=hot and hot makes me think of...yeah...so I recamend John Deer-

[soothsayer]

Just sit down and arrange yourself and go.  That seems easier to me!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Spoken from a true perspective of someone that has never delt with this issue.

Where's that great advice Vater spoke of?

[Paper Hearts]

See what I mean?

[soothsayer]

You don't find that hot?

[Paper Hearts]

You don't find that hot?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You absolute freak! No.

hahaha

[soothsayer]

You absolute freak! No.

hahaha

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:laughing

[Paper Hearts]

Yeah, so anyway, I just repeat it in my head until it's gone:

"green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, green tractor, "

!!!

[soothsayer]

And you called me a freak. :whistling :laughing