Freinds and lovers

[Homicidalheathen]

So my freind just came over. I mean, we are JUST FREINDS. I will kiss and cuddle him on occasion......I am just like that.

He knows I am in an open marriage however.....

So we get done meditating and I hug him and he goes.....what is the nature of our relationship because I cannot be with two people at once I get twice as heart broken.....

I guess I need to stop hugging the guy????

What did I do? :confused

I want to stay freinds and if my hugging is giving him mixed signals then that sucks because I see him flirt with this other girl and it doesn't effect him.

I wish he could be like that with me..... :erm

[Dollardave]

So we get done meditating and I hug him and he goes.....what is the nature of our relationship because I cannot be with two people at once I get twice as heart broken.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm more than happy to be with two people at once ladies IM me with your threesome offers.

[Onyx]

So my freind just came over.  I mean, we are JUST FREINDS.  I will kiss and cuddle him on occasion......I am just like that.

He knows I am in an open marriage however.....

So we get done meditating and I hug him and he goes.....what is the nature of our relationship because I cannot be with two people at once I get twice as heart broken.....

I guess I need to stop hugging the guy????

What did I do? :confused

I want to stay freinds and if my hugging is giving him mixed signals then that sucks because I see him flirt with this other girl and it doesn't effect him. 

I wish he could be like that with me..... :erm

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The whole idea of open relationships is so foreign to me I can't even begin to comprehend how it would work but with that said, have you told him exactly and plainly what you said here? Maybe he is just not clear on where you are coming from.

I hug all my friends though, male and female. Not really cuddling and sitting down and snuggling up, but hugs yes.

[Killer_Bunnie]

I've had the same problem, but I wasn't in an open relationship, I'm just a cuddle whore, the guy who took it wrong is still my friend, but I feel weird around him sometimes but just because he was never my type. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? I know that most guys never understand rite away, but honestly if he stops talking to you because of that then he wasn't a real friend, you don't need that sort of stress.

[torn asunder]

the best you can do is be direct and honest, which it sounds like you have - if (someone) still can't handle that, it's time for them/you to move on, because they most likely never will...

[saechalyn]

It's so strange how people can misinterpret your actions. I've been on both sides of this. I'd say just be clear about what you meant by it; you've done nothing wrong.

[Steven]

Hmmmm.... I cant do this, this sharing thing.

There is an intimacy you develop (or I do at least) with even a limited amount of reptitive physicality. I hug and kiss my friends, no big deal. But cuddling and curling up, especially when accquainted wiuth long deep talks...builds something, a connection between people, soul ties if you will.

Even in my man-whore years I made sure to NOT spend significant amounts of "connection" with whomever I was sleeping with, not only to keep her from clinging but also because I did not want to get attatched.

Now that I'm married - I'm definately not cool with my wife having those kinds of connections with others - that sort of depth - should be for me alone, and in return she gets the same. I dont want a "casual" air to my marriage. I want it to be a big deal - something you truly build up from because it is special and unique. If I give myself to others then I fail to have that "one" connection that I beleive in and enjoy.

I've had to be careful with friendships as well. For whatever reason I have more friends who are women than I do men. It's always been this way with me. But if I've found myself over time (and it happens), desiring that intimate connection (not talking sexual) with a close woman friend more than with my wife, then something is wrong and I've gotten out of balance and people get hurt in the long run. I've lost a few friends this way too.

[Homicidalheathen]

I am just not going to get to freindly with him but it bothers me because he can take casual flirting with anyone else it seems......just not me.... :confused

[Lilith]

I have one or two female friends whom i cuddle with, but this has allways been a sisterly cuddle and i believe all invovled feels the same. But every one react diffrently to touching.

I have male friends whom i harmless flirt with, mostly talk or a slight gesture in public which can abviouly be seen as just fun and nothing more.

I avoid cuddleing with males for the same reasons steven had mentioned, cuddleing and having long talks can fuel emotions which were never ment to be. Its not so much the long deep talks as it is the physical touching (even non sexual) that can fuel those emotions. I feel in love with my husband on our first date and we had absolutly no sex, all we did was watch movies he sat near me just rubbing my leggs and his arm around me and we talked all night long in the smae or simular postion. Absolutly no touching of sexual parts was involved but i felt so connected, and this in its self made me extreamly horny and i so did want to jump his ass, but i refrained casue i really really wanted to see him again.

Have you ever had a friend who hugged you after you have had long talk on the phone or online etc.... and untill that moment all her good advice and so on really did not make you feel better untill you got that hugg from her/him. Ever wonder why? The touch of a human to another is vital to our existance and does hold allot of power. This has been proven by science to an extent as well as they have done studies on babies who had little or not human physical contact versus those who had an rmal amount an those who had above normal amounts, those with normal levels or contact and above did better in all aspects and those with outhe human contact were i guess more or less dmaged by the lack of touch.

It has allot of power more then i think most people realize.

the best way to counter act the touch and the natural things that can happen when touching is to speak your true intentions befor during and after. That way there is not questins and the brain can take back over to adjust what the body needs from that particular touch.

Lilith

[holliwood66]

hmm, I don't attach any sexual connotation to touching other people that I am not in a relationship with - but then again my whole family is very demonstrative. We all kiss each other and hug for greetings both the men and women, old and young.

I used to think it was an Armenian thing, but my German/Irish relatives are the same way~

I guess the best thing would be to talk to this person about what is troubling you?

[The_Dark]

This is why most people are not allowed to touch me. The level of intamacy achieved in a cuddle is for beyond what I should be sharing with a "friend". I actually just had this conversation with a friend a few weeks ago. He noticed that with all the flirting I do, I never actually touch anyone or let them touch me, unless I have known them for a really long time. Words are just words... touching is... touching is making connections.