ONE LINERS!!!!

[Moonlight_Phantasy]

1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

2. Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

3. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

4. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

5. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

6. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

7. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

8. I intend to live forever - so far, so good

9. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

10. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

11. If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

12. Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

13. Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

14. Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

15. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

16. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

17. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

18. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

20. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

21. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

22. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

23. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

24. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

27. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

28. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

29. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

30. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!