More Drama

[Fierce Critter]

I am very sorry, Draco. I hope the best for you and your mother at this difficult time.

[Draco1958]

No sooner is she out of the hospital then she goes right back in. This time her blood count is dangerously low plus the pick (a medical thing) they put in her for injections somehow came out so she had to have a transfusion and that replaced. Now they are gonna scope her to try to find the bleeding. The way things are going, not sure who will last longer, her or I. I am at my witts end and thinking of just giving up. Finding a quick escape.

[Onyx]

Really sorry to hear that, Draco. I know it's discouraging, but I'm sure she would not want you to just give up.

I hope the new year brings better times.

[Draco1958]

Well to add to everything, today I got fired. While others get hours and allowances for being an hour late and temps getting 40 hr work weeks, I get fired because I wasn't at work 30 mins early. I was late a few times, mostly because my Mom was sick or my ride was late yet I get fired while others who are an hour late just because they overslept get a crew held back for them. Constant BullS**t by my boss for her favorites. Might make it to CC because it will be the last time for a while. Shame too cuz I wanted to be there on the 14th to celebrate my 48th B-Day, 2 days late, with the gang. Life sucks then it kicks you.

[Draco1958]

Besides what I said above, my Mom is back in the hosital, trip number 4 since Oct/Nov. Now they are talking Hospice for her. Nursing home doesn't want to do it because of no power of attorney/guardianship BS. So the hospital is willing to help get that going. I mean WTF!!! they haven't even told me her full condition because the nurse doesn't feel comfortable explaining things to me, the DR won't call and tell me anything. Great way to spend my B-Day, worrying about WTF is going on with my Mom, no job, no money and I need to spend time out with some friends to relax before I get sick, already feeling like s**t now. Someone started a thread about post with suicidal thoughts in them. Maybe they are doing it to get it off their chest to relieve stress building up or maybe to express it so not to actually do it or maybe, just maybe life is kicking them so hard for so long they aren't sure they want to deal with it anymore and are looking for someone to say more than just it'll get better in time. I cam empathize with them big time. I turned 48 today and have no life, no house, no one special in my life, basically I HAVE NOTHING BUT PAIN in my life right now. Just as others have. Maybe these cries for attention are to hear that they are worth something to someone, that in some little way, someone needs them around. Considering how much bitching about other subjects goes on, why not be a little more sympathetic and less bitchy otherwise why not bitch about all the complaining going on, the searching for a sex partner, GF/BF and so on and not just those looking for a need to be wanted around instead of suicide.

[Draco1958]

I just made probably one of the hardest decisions anyone could make. My Mom is in the hospital. She is pretty much not there but can be aroused to attention for only a moment or two. So after talking with the Dr the decision was made to give her comfort meds only, all other meds will stop. Nature will take her course and my Mom will pass. No one knows when but most likely it won't be long. I did not do this lightly but with love in my heart. She has been going thru this since May of 2000 and she is at a point where doing this is for the best. I know she prefers this over no life on a machine. She has no quality of life anymore. I ask that those of you who pray to say a prayer for her quick passing so she doesn't suffer anymore. And I wish to thank all of you for tolerating my postings about this subject.

[Fierce Critter]

Draco, I did volunteer work for Hospice of Michigan for a while. I know exactly what you and your mother are going through.

The decision you have made is one of utter selflessness and love. Do not forget that. You are allowing your mother some dignity at a time when she may feel she has little. I am proud of you, as anyone aware of your situation should be.

I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual. And I believe she is headed for an afterlife - a new beginning of sorts with no pain, no worry, just infinite love. You are providing her unrestricted and dignified passage to a place where pain will not exist. On her behalf, thank you.

I have lost a few people over the years, people who meant a lot to me. A couple were beyond special - my Aunt Rosie, a truly rosy individual, & my brother, Mike, a builder of beautiful wooden ships. I wrote the following poems, which were read at their final services. Perhaps they might bring you some comfort.

The Rose Blooms For God

The Rose does not bloom

For the earth where it grows

Nor for the air which it breathes

The Rose does not bloom

For the sting of its thorn

Nor for the stem or the leaves

Nor does it bloom

For the hands which attend it

With tender and nurturing care

The Rose does not bloom

For itself, or for those

Who enjoy it while briefly it's there

The Rose blooms for Heaven

As skyward it reaches

And proudly its petals are spread

The Rose blooms for God

His welcoming hand

Alone plucks the bloom from its bed

So mourn not the Rose

When the garden seems bare

It has gone where it was meant to be

So briefly with us

Forever, with God

In his garden, eternally

A Ship's Life

Skilled caring hands

Put the ship together.

Building it with strength

To withstand stormy weather.

The ship then goes to sea

To face what lies ahead.

Morning skies of blue and gold

Nighttime skies of red.

At times, the sea turns cold,

And finds the ship in peril.

It does its best to sail true

As rough waves toss the vessel.

But daylight breaks once more

And with it - smooth sailing.

As silver sunlight dances

In the ship's wake, trailing.

As days go by a time will come

When the ship can sail no more.

So one last time the bell is rung

As it pulls away from shore.

It's sails are raised like glorious wings

To catch the wind and fly - then,

The ship grows small and disappears

Over the horizon.

[Draco1958]

Thank you FC, the poems are beautiful and your words do comfort me. Right now I am going thru the "is this the right thing? am I a good son?" thoughts.

[Brenda Starrr]

Draco, my dad had to do the same thing with my grandfather many years ago. He did the right thing. You're doing the right thing. She would have no quality of life, just as my grandfather didn't. You don't want her to suffer, right? I know it's really difficult for you. You're a good son. From what I've seen, you've done everything that you can for her. Your presence is comforting for her. You're selfless, just like FC said. You have so much love in your heart for her, and this is your way of showing it-by setting her free to no longer be in any pain.

**hugs**

You really will get through this, despite the immediate heartach that it's causing you.

[Onyx]

Thank you FC, the poems are beautiful and your words do comfort me.  Right now I am going thru the "is this the right thing?  am I a good son?" thoughts.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's the only really loving way to go at that point. It would not be a kind thing to do to make her suffer for a long drawn out time. The docs wouldn't have allowed that decision to be made if there was any hope of recovery. I hope her passing is as comfortable as possible.

(((hugs)))

[Draco1958]

First off let me start off by thanking those of you who have responded in this thread and to those that have read it, felt something and to those who tolerated my rantings here I thank you all. I recieved a call today at 11am that my mom had slid some. I couldn't get up to the NH since no car was here. As I prepared to go up there a little before 3pm, I recieved a call. My Mom had passed away. Her pain is now over however mine is starting anew. Self questioning, calls to make, arrangements to make and such. I am going to be a wreck for a while. As I told a close friend who thought of my Mom as her Mom, the 3 things I need right now are alcohol, smokes and a bullet to the head, in any order. I will post viewing info in case anyone wishes to stop by altho if no one wants to, I would understand since most of us have not met in person and don't really know me that well.

[bean]

I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that her pain and suffering is over, and that you have people you can talk to. Grieve for as long as you need to. Death is never easy. *hugs*

[saechalyn]

I'm sorry for your loss. But as bean water said, her pain is over...and it sounds like she had a lot of it.

[Onyx]

I can't say I know how you feel because I haven't had to face it yet, but several here have been through it too and perhaps they can offer a bit of advice on how to get through the days ahead.

Just remember that all of those things you are feeling are perfectly normal and perfectly understandable. Unless we go first all of us will face the loss of our parents. You have to deal with it in your own way, whatever feels right, but try to take care of yourself.

[Brenda Starrr]

I'm so sorry, Draco.

[Fierce Critter]

My thoughts to you, Draco.

Please do post viewing info. I'll see if we, or at least I, can make it.

[Draco1958]

This is how it's going to go. Instant cremation which will happen Monday. Then within the next 2 weeks I will be setting up a 1 day memorial with a pic and the urn. Doing it this way so people can see her as she was before all the pain. It will be at Weiss funeral home in Allen Park on Park Ave. Will know more next week. Today was....interesting. Having to make arrangements while the NH was freaking as to when I'd get her body moved. They brought in the ME and local police so besides all else I got to deal with them. Luckily I got ahold of some smokes and so far have avoided alcohol altho that is becoming more tempting.

[Draco1958]

Got a call from the funeral home. They called the Ins Company. Seems they can't find any paperwork for the Ins policies so it looks like she has no Ins. Applying for help with burial but that will only cover cremation. I know she had Ins because I was there when she signed the papers for the policies. So now I get to fight with the Ins company. Lucky for them it will be by phone otherwise I'd choke the shit outta someone.

[Draco1958]

Seems like the Ins Rep lied to us years ago. The dividends did not pay the monthly bill and so the Ins lapsed in 2000. So no Ins to pay the expenses. Have to apply to the state for help. That will get me $771 to cover some basic costs. Fun fun fun.

[Fierce Critter]

I'm very, very sorry for you, Draco.

When my brother died in '99, he was jobless and penniless. Luckily, family was able to pull funds together and pay for his funeral and burial.

But we also had an uncle down south who died and my sister and her husband ended up having to foot the bill to bury him, 'cause none of his other relatives would help out.

This sort of thing has been a fear for both Jon and myself. Up until this job, there was no life insurance. So living paycheck-to-paycheck, we always wondered how in the world we'd pay for a funeral if one of us died.

Thankfully, that is covered now. But I still worry for and sympathize with people who aren't so lucky.

[Draco1958]

I went to FIA and have a ton of paperwork to fill out for a lousy $771. Even tho they have all her info on file from her nursing home case, I have to fill out a freakin booklet and then some. And they want all kinds of info about me. understandable but I live with friends and I don't want that to interfere yet I worry that it will. Gee ya gotta love how much the state is willing to help you..................provided you fill out a ton of paperwork. You can even get emergency help if you are evicted, utilities and a bunch of other stuff. you just have to be willing to write a small novel about yourself.