Financial Status?

[holliwood66]

I was thinking about this after many conversation with general people, friends and family...they all are of the mind that relationships are a business partnership first and foremost.

I understand this, but it is rather depressing.

Meh, when I have made more than who I was dating people called me sugar momma and other annoying insinuations (like I was a pushover...or something wrong that I couldn't find someone "better" - as if it was anyone's business anyway!)

[Head Wreck]

seriously, the other halfs income dont matter at all. money can always be found, just not all that legal. (as highlighted by talking to an old friend and what she does to support her family)

[Rayne]

I'm with Head Wreck. I've been in both situations. It doesn't matter to me.

[TomCat]

I'm in deep debt, the kind that a snorkel won't even help with. (damn satan & her evil divorce tactics) So I get by, money isn't a big deal to me. My right hand is happy as long as I keep the lotion in decent supply. :devil

[Guest Game of Chance]

I have almost no debt...there is nothing I hate more than owing people money...

Even though my income level has dropped dramatically with this current market fluctuation, I'm doing ok...

Besides, there's always poker =)

[Lilith]

I think it is up to personal preference, If you feel your partner should be equal Finacially then that is what you stick with If he/she is not and you dont care Then every one else should just leave you alone and let you be happy.

For some time I was the one to Worked the Full Time job and every one would Piss and moan at my hubby about how he needs to support His family etc....... This pissed me off, I made MORE $ then he would have working at the time, so what was the diffrence? To us None, One adult had to work it did not matter who it was as long as the working person made enough to support the house hold. Why does every one seem to think it is the MANS job to supoort the house hold, if the woman can make more $ then let her be as long as both in the relationship are happy.

I have on average (when we both work out side the home) made more $ and no one ever even realized it... (I could Pull in a full weeks Pay check in one night) i dont think he ever realizes it untill i point it out. So i guess it would not matter since no one Realizes it....... LOL My current Job no one even sees as a job so i am sure no one realizes that i even bring in $ now.

[Nienna]

It dosn't matter. That said though, I'm not interested in dating someone who will freeload or use me for my (meager) funds.

[Daevion]

When it comes to love I don't care about financial status.....however...its a very fine line because I won't cater to freeloaders that don't carry their share of the load.

[Steven]

For me - moving to Michigan from LA has been the hardest financial period in my life. In California - I had a good job with alot of responsibility, I made good money and owned my own home. But in moving here, I went from no debt (with the exception of a morgage) to ridiculous credit card debt - and I absolutely hate living that way yet had to this year to survive some hard times in the job market.

Also - I made a promise to my wife two years ago that her working days were over, and I truly meant it. She has enough to do taking care of things at home, and she's busted her ass for years and deserves to not have to co-breadwin with me, but its been tough here using that approach. For awhile there - I almost (almost) faltered and asked her to return to work because times were so tough, but I just couldent do it, I knew somewhere somehow I still had the ability to carry us, and I just couldent put her back to the grind. So I must have made a million cold calls and sent my resume to everyone in Michigan trying to score a better situation. And I admit - I was starting to get depressed, which almost never happens to me.

These last couple of weeks have proved to be pretty fruitful for us. I got a new job, negotiated 15,000 dollars a year more than my last job, and am finnally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. We'll be broke for another year as I pay off the excess debt we've accumulated - but we'll make it and Laura never had to go back to work which is really, really important to me because I promised her and I need her to be able to count on what I tell her.

[Nevaeh]

to me, money isnt a big issue...i kust like to make sure my bills are straight. unfortunately, some people i have seen make money into a huge stressful thing...drives me nuts.

[Fierce Critter]

Jon and I have mostly been on a low-income scale since being together. We've had ups and downs, and are currently on an upswing, just getting out of excess debt caused by his being out of work for a few weeks and moving expenses.

But mostly, we've struggled. We find that we're fine relationship-wise so long as we keep communication lines open. We never fight about money, if sometimes we get stressed about it. Then we usually just go into "make more money" mode. I do a lot under the table that helps in periods like that.

Steven, you described our relationship well. I was unemployed when I met Jon, after having worked steady for over 10 years. I worked a few jobs after we got together, but once my eBay business took off, Jon realized he was a lot happier with me not holding a typical job.

We get a lot of flack and judgment from people. And sometimes, we do whine a bit about lack of fundage. But overall, it's really worked well for us. May sound old fashioned, but I like taking care of the home for him, and cooking gourmet meals, etc.

And as for "lack of fundage", sometimes people don't understand it's because we actually do stick to a budget. Sure, the CASH is there. But it's being put aside for something with a higher priority than the newest shoes from Tredair U.K.

[Brenda Starrr]

Times are tough, especially when you have a pre-teen and a ten-year-old with very expensive tastes. I just got a (hopefully) wonderful management position with a 15-year-old company. I could go almost anywhere. Arizona is an eventual possibility. Wayne was laid off from his $80,000-per-year job just after my 40th birthday. All but three people were laid off. I guess that's what you get when you and a few others blow the whistle on a lying, cheating, theiving piece-of-shit employer. I wonder who told Felix that it was cool to take from the government and his employees.....

Yeah, he gets unemployment. Yeah, he has been interviewing. It's not fair for me to expect him to take a job that pays Jr. level wages and expects Sr. lever quality such as his. Therefore, I'm the breadwinner at this point. He's bored, and wants to get back to work ASAP. I want him to as well. The holidays are coming, and the kids deserve a nice holiday season. I guess one thing that's relieving some of the stress is the fact that they and their dad are on really good speaking terms again. I hate conflict, so this makes me really happy. Now, all he has to do is start communicating with me again.

I don't like to argue. I'll do it only if I really need to. Luckily, Wayne and I don't fight a lot. IF we do, it's always about our cash flow. We rarely ever went out when we had it, so there's not much difference now that we don't. I would like to get back to Detroit, but won't until I feel as though I can afford the plane ticket without stress. I might be visiting a friend in Wyoming next year. Again, only if I can swing the ticket. We'll survive. We always have. It just might be a little tight for a while.

[saechalyn]

It's not important to me. I don't earn a lot, but I've taken care of myself since I was 18 and I wouldn't expect a partner to provide for me. Gotta echo the "no freeloaders" sentiment too.

[bean]

I've been on both ends - I've made more money than my s/o and there were times when I made less money. Honestly, I liked making more money than my partner because I don't like relying on others for money and I like to buy things for other people. On the other hand nothing annoys me more than freeloaders.

[Steven]

Critter and Brenda,

I can totally relate to both of you ladies and what yoru saying.

Critter, Laura and I get flack too for her not working - but the thing thats most irritating about that is that no one seems to bother asking WHY we have this arrangement - instead they simply get attitude about it - as if were so morally corruptible. Laura and I also have a budget (thats good for the relationship by the way - its a form of mutual agreement).

The thing with us - is that we definately ARE old fashioned in many ways - simply because we think that the current ways of living only seem to result in unhappiness and divorce. We have certain "roles' per se in the marriage that we both have a responsibility to maintain. It s not just that I want her at home handling our day to day affairs (which is a job unto itself) but its that as a whole - were jsut in a much better place when she can do whats most natural to her, which includes taking care of me, and I can do whats most natural to me - which is providing for us finanically and with strength and direction. I guess if I sum it up - if Laura is supporting me - I'm just much more capable, and we both feel better about ourselves. But this world makes that very financially difficult to do - not impossible - but tough.

I personally think that one of the main reasons so many relationships fail is that both perople are in survival mode and are exhausted and without faith in the system. There are no resources to deal with life and issues when you both live like that. Theres nothign worng with both people working, but its harder thats all.

And Brenda..... 1st, congrats on the job.

I hate Arizona. I've spent much time there.

Its brown and dry and hot like a mutha.

Speed freaks everywhere.

Pretty at night though.

With Wayne losing his job, and it sounds like it was a good one - that's a very difficult position for the man of the house to be in. I think that its actually harder on Men to be without direction (career) than it is on women - we have a natural inclination to want to provide for those we love, and when we lose that ability it silently fucks with our self esteem.

Thats why I made that comment that I started to get depressed this year when I could not find work here in MI, actually there were joibs out there - but I could not find one that provided the $$$ I needed to be the sole breadwinner. Laura was great during that time and very supportive - but for a while there I was detatched and obsessed with getting a good job, it became almost like a vendetta.

I'll tell you the truth. In California I made big cash.

In Michigan I did NOT make big cash, I made survival cash, which was hard on me because I'm a professional in my field . But it was only (survival) for a season. Now I make pretty good cash. And I realized that "pretty good" is exactly that, especially in this depressed econmy, its pretty dang good. I learned to be thankful for that.

But even that - I had to fight for. In my last interview before I was hired when we got to money, my new employer had his sights set on about $15,000 less than I was asking for. "Survival Money". Finally I just looked at him and said the following (with my butt secretely quivering):

"Alright I'm going to be straight with you. I realize that you have a set budget in mind when it comes to hiring new talent - and that in order to meet your goals you need to keep your overhead down. Thats fine. But you also need to understand something. I'm not green. You can hire me tommorow and I'll be productive tommorow. I will be a big part of your plan to increase cash flow in this business, because I've got 15 years experience, and I'm good at what I do. I just am, I've worked hard to get there. Now with 15 years experience you also get reality, which is quite simply that I'm not some 26 year old kid living with his girlfreind in an apartment in Westland. I'm 39 years old, man. I've got big boy responsibilities that include mortgages, insurance, general costs of living, etc. etc. etc. That in and of itself should tell you something about me. And the bottom linie is that I need "X" amount of money in order to adress my responsibilities, I cant go in reverse - I have to be able to move forward at this stage in my life."

He bought my pitch and hired me for what I was asking for. I then released the tite squeeze on my bunghole.

Wayne will find his thing, his place. Your a good lady Brenda, hang by your man and keep throwing those star boobies at him when he gets depressed. Its good medicine. But give him his time for his season - and good luck to both you guys and to Critter and her husband. Too bad your out of state - I was thinking that perhaps one day we could all get our broke asses to gethor to enjoy a nice bowl of Top Ramen....

Steven

[Brenda Starrr]

Steven....

First of all, thank you. You always have something nice to say. Well, not just nice....insightful. I know that it will happen for us. If not, we will drive our broke asses up to MI just to have ramen with you.

[Steven]

Steven....

First of all, thank you. You always have something nice to say. Well, not just nice....insightful. I know that it will happen for us. If not, we will drive our broke asses up to MI just to have ramen with you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well you know they DO have that new spicy flavor (its not jsut for rich people anymore) .........

[Guest Megalicious]

For me - moving to Michigan from LA has been the hardest financial period in my life.  In California - I had a good job with alot of responsibility, I made good money and owned my own home.  But in moving here, I went  from no debt (with the exception of a morgage) to ridiculous credit card debt - and I absolutely hate living that way yet had to this year to survive some hard times in the job market. 

Also - I made a promise to my wife two years ago that her working days were over, and I truly meant it.  She has enough to do taking care of things at home, and she's busted her ass for years and deserves to not have to co-breadwin with me, but its been tough here using that approach.  For awhile there - I almost (almost) faltered and asked her to return to work because times were so tough, but I just couldent do it, I knew somewhere somehow I still had the ability to carry us, and I just couldent put her back to the grind.  So I must have made a million cold calls and sent my resume to everyone in Michigan trying to score a better situation.  And I admit - I was starting to get depressed, which almost never happens to me.

These last couple of weeks have proved to be pretty fruitful for us.  I got a new job, negotiated 15,000 dollars a year more than my last job, and am finnally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.  We'll be broke for another year as I pay off the excess debt we've accumulated - but we'll make it and Laura never had to go back to work which is really, really important to me because I promised her and I need her to be able to count on what I tell her.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh my steven I just cried when I read that. You are a real man. Not because you dont want your wife to work that is not the point, but your last statement, I just broke down in tears. Im so glad to know there is someone out there like you ... and yes I dont think men get how VERY important it is to her to be able to count on what you tell her, but for you to think it is so important to ... just makes me so very happy for you, that is true love, respect and happiness. I envy you and your wife.

Sorry for the wondering thread but I just had to let you know, How much I respect you for that statement, not that I didnt respect you before.

NO MONEY DOES NOT MATTER!!! You know what it really comes down too.... a sense of humor as silly as that may sound. I only met one person in the whole world that could make me laugh when I was pissed off, I could be so pissed ... and I mean pissed! And all he would have to do is look at me an smile, or be his silly dork self .... and to this day its probably the happiest I have ever been. You dont have to have alot of money, you dont have to have a nice car, hell you dont have to have a car at all. Just love and laugh with me that is all I need, oh and you have to love sports!!!! Nothing like watching a pistons game lol ... (or something else for that matter!!!! )

[Homicidalheathen]

Pimpin' pimpin', pimpin'! Guess which one I picked? :cheerful

[Fierce Critter]

Laura and I get flack too for her not working - but the thing thats most irritating about that is that no one seems to bother asking WHY we have this arrangement - instead they simply get attitude about it - as if were so morally corruptible.  Laura and I also have a budget (thats good for the relationship by the way  - its a form of mutual agreement). 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have a sister not talking to me now, going on about 3 years. It's complicated, but one issue causing the rift is her disapproval of how Jon and I handle our finances.

This is the same sister who when, before I did eBay and actually was looking for a job, gave me the stink eye when I told her, conversationally, that I'd had a job offer but couldn't take it because I'd have to work nights and weekends.

She and I didn't get into it at the time. But the thing is, when Jon and I got together, we made our #1 priority ourselves - each other. We did not want to try to make a relationship work with one of us working days, the other working nights, and only seeing each other in passing. We just couldn't do that to each other. Hell, we've worked several jobs together - basically meaning we were together 24/7. It was WONDERFUL.

Members of my family, especially my father, just can't understand why, if both members of a couple can work regular jobs, they would choose not to. They seem to only see the lack of potential income there, and overlook EVERYTHING else.

Such as the fact that we haven't borrowed money in years, and have been regularly making payments to people who did loan us money when we first got together and were struggling (when we both were working, I might add). Such as we don't have ANY credit card debt. Such as we've dug ourselves out of every mess we've gotten into without asking anyone for help - period. Such as the sacrifices we make - gladly - to maintain this lifestyle. Such as the ways we choose sense & creativity over "comfort" and ego to supplement our income.

We have certain "roles' per se in the marriage that we both have a responsibility to maintain.  It s not just that I want her at home handling our day to day affairs (which is a job unto itself) but its that as a whole - were jsut in a much better place when she can do whats most natural to her, which includes taking care of me, and I can do whats most natural to me - which is providing for us finanically and with strength and direction.  I guess if I sum it up - if Laura is supporting me - I'm just much more capable, and we both feel better about ourselves.  But this world makes that very financially difficult to do - not impossible - but tough.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Agreed, 100%. You just described us perfectly.

I could go into how I could be making $15.00 an hour right now if I put on the skirts, jackets & pumps I wore as a miserable, miserable corporate slave. But our decision to not put me back in that environment and make Jon the main bread winner is what has taken Jon, in 7 years, from a $7.00 an hour plastics factory sorter to a $16.00 an hour professional with a recognizeable job title (electro/mechanical service technician), a company vehicle & a sense of real pride & accomplishment no 2nd income could ever have given him.

I have turned out to be a very, very talented homemaker. Something I never, ever would have wanted or aimed for in my life. But it suits me. I do all the things you describe Laura doing. And when Jon sees exactly what it is I do, he thanks his lucky stars he doesn't have to.

I also have it within my power to supplement our income. And that is a responsibility I don't take lightly. And I show my appreciation to Jon for what he's done for me by making sure I keep up my end of that arrangement.

There are times we wish we had more cash. I'd say 90% of what we own came from either the trash, or stuff we found in the trash and sold. There are times I just want to buy a brand-new, working TV with it's ORIGINAL remote instead of hoping we'll come across one on the curb that Jon MIGHT be able to get working and MIGHT respond to a universal remote. There are times I wish we could actually go to a furniture store and pick out EXACTLY the right sofa in just the right color instead of "making do" with the one we got at the yard sale that just needed a little fixing-up.

Jon has seen me cry petulantly at the grocery store when I was buying pot-pies instead of the beef roasts I ate as a kid.

And those days pass. And through all of it, we have each other. He dries my tears, I sell a piece of trash on eBay, and we eat Outback the next day. =)

We're happy. We're responsible. And we're happy with "less". But we get oh, so much more this way.

[Msterbeau]

It dosn't matter. That said though, I'm not interested in dating someone who will freeload or use me for my (meager) funds.

Exactly...

[Homicidalheathen]

If I were rich I truely would not mind having a cabana boy or two :whistling

[Jarodaka]

It matters to me, probably more than it should. Bleh. Restarted to type this 5 times.

[Brenda Starrr]

Ooooh! Oooooooooooooooh! Our funds are about to become less meager. Yes, kids. There IS a Santa Clause. His name is Wayne.

[Steven]

I have a sister not talking to me now, going on about 3 years. It's complicated, but one issue causing the rift is her disapproval of how Jon and I handle our finances.

This is the same sister who when, before I did eBay and actually was looking for a job, gave me the stink eye when I told her, conversationally, that I'd had a job offer but couldn't take it because I'd have to work nights and weekends.

She and I didn't get into it at the time. But the thing is, when Jon and I got together, we made our #1 priority ourselves - each other. We did not want to try to make a relationship work with one of us working days, the other working nights, and only seeing each other in passing. We just couldn't do that to each other. Hell, we've worked several jobs together - basically meaning we were together 24/7. It was WONDERFUL.

Members of my family, especially my father, just can't understand why, if both members of a couple can work regular jobs, they would choose not to. They seem to only see the lack of potential income there, and overlook EVERYTHING else.

Such as the fact that we haven't borrowed money in years, and have been regularly making payments to people who did loan us money when we first got together and were struggling (when we both were working, I might add). Such as we don't have ANY credit card debt. Such as we've dug ourselves out of every mess we've gotten into without asking anyone for help - period. Such as the sacrifices we make - gladly - to maintain this lifestyle. Such as the ways we choose sense & creativity over "comfort" and ego to supplement our income.

Agreed, 100%. You just described us perfectly.

I could go into how I could be making $15.00 an hour right now if I put on the skirts, jackets & pumps I wore as a miserable, miserable corporate slave. But our decision to not put me back in that environment and make Jon the main bread winner is what has taken Jon, in 7 years, from a $7.00 an hour plastics factory sorter to a $16.00 an hour professional with a recognizeable job title (electro/mechanical service technician), a company vehicle & a sense of real pride & accomplishment no 2nd income could ever have given him.

I have turned out to be a very, very talented homemaker. Something I never, ever would have wanted or aimed for in my life. But it suits me. I do all the things you describe Laura doing. And when Jon sees exactly what it is I do, he thanks his lucky stars he doesn't have to.

I also have it within my power to supplement our income. And that is a responsibility I don't take lightly. And I show my appreciation to Jon for what he's done for me by making sure I keep up my end of that arrangement.

There are times we wish we had more cash. I'd say 90% of what we own came from either the trash, or stuff we found in the trash and sold. There are times I just want to buy a brand-new, working TV with it's ORIGINAL remote instead of hoping we'll come across one on the curb that Jon MIGHT be able to get working and MIGHT respond to a universal remote. There are times I wish we could actually go to a furniture store and pick out EXACTLY the right sofa in just the right color instead of "making do" with the one we got at the yard sale that just needed a little fixing-up.

Jon has seen me cry petulantly at the grocery store when I was buying pot-pies instead of the beef roasts I ate as a kid.

And those days pass. And through all of it, we have each other. He dries my tears, I sell a piece of trash on eBay, and we eat Outback the next day. =)

We're happy. We're responsible. And we're happy with "less". But we get oh, so much more this way.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I loved this post Critter.

You guys "get it"..... very rare to see - very encouraging, makes me want to tell you that I'm proud of you. God Bless you both.

Steven