Does age matter?

[Homicidalheathen]

Ok so I am turning 41 on Sunday. But lots of our freinds and lovers are only in their 20's. I feel I can connect with people younger than me on a spiritual level.....but am always leery that I may be taken advantage of as we are more set at our age financially.

My man is 50. Some people think he is too old even for me! I have always gone for guys a bit older when it comes to something serious.

I don't know why that is. Maybe I am not as open minded as I thought?

I know I would not want to be telling someone what to do at my age.....you know, pick up your socks. Go to work on time....ect.

How do you feel about younger/older relationships? Flings or the real thing?

[Steven]

Laura is 3 years older than I am - but in our case that's not enough of an age difference to make a difference. We also grew up very much the same - although her experience was in Detroit and mine was in Los Angeles. Different circumstances and styles, but the streets are the streets wherever you go.

I've had relationships with significantly older women, and I've had them with significantly younger women. Both were frustrating expereinces.

Perhaps age is not the mitigating factor per se - but it's often indicitive of where you are in life and what you've learned at that stage. I can (and often do) relate to younger people as well, mostly thru common ground like music and because at 39 I'm still a bit of a rebel in regard to my standard peer group.

But at the same time - being able to relate does not mean that I want to re-tread old stuff. For example, the passion and fire of youth is great. But the needless drama is ridiculous, as I'm literally too old for stupid nowhere shit. If you dont like soemthing change it. Change YOU. Thats much harder for a younger person to grasp at, and I'm too old to sit and wait around for changes to happen for me. Its a completely different approach.

Another thing that I run into is differences in world views based on what appears to be a basic accumulation of years on the planet and the experiences that accompany them.

For example - I have these deep conversations with these truely brilliant 20 something students on issues like politics, civil duty, relationships, spirituality, etc. etc. etc. They have such conviction based on their peer identity and data collection, in fact they can throw data all day long. And 99.9% of their own life expereince I can totally relate to, because I've been there and done it. But to them its still brand new, or at least foundational in their identity.

Yet most of them have never lived on their own, struggled with a couple of mortgages and a family, climbed the corporate ladder, dealt with the true and harsh realities of taxation in America (gas ands cigarettes dont count) , served their country in the armed forces and then had to find their way back into society again, or found themselves at any true pivitol crossroads yet. They THINK they have, but they have not. Not Yet. I thought I had done great things too at 21.

Then I was 31

Now I'm almost Heathen's age (and dont worry babe - to me most women get sexier and wiser as they age and I find that extremely attractive) and I've done some things, seen some things, have fallen on my face a few times, been scared to death, had some victories, changed my mind a few times....etc. etc. etc.

I cant help but to think "See ya in ten years Kid - we'll see then where you are...."

The funny thing isd that there are people in their 60's ... saying the same thign about me, and calling ME kid.

[Homicidalheathen]

Very well put Steven.

I do like to see younger people get on fire for good causes. I cannot pound the pavement like I used to.

I go to Greenhouse meetings and it is nice to see young people on fire for something they believe in.

Might I also suggest that at our age we 'forget' how tough it was to get by on 100 dollars a week and that we need to keep that in mind when voting, ect.

[Homicidalheathen]

My G/F is turning 40 also. She is getting a divorce as of right now. She told me she will never go with someone younger than her ever again. Men, your not the only ones that get taken. Man, is she getting screwed big time. (he never worked and is getting quite a big chunk of money) So she said a man being financially stable is more important to her at this phase of life than heart fluttering love.

I don't think one has to sacrafice love to have it all at our age but that the men that are available out there are usually broken somehow. They are the one's that got thrown back in the pile for some reason or have commitment issues.

What do you think?

Are you leery of people who are divorced and/or still single at 40?

Don't you wonder why they are still single?

[Rayne]

I can say now, at 26, I don't think age matters. I've dated guys older than me, by a little, or by a lot. I've dated guys younger than me...although not more than a year or two.

[Ginevra]

It's maturity more so than age, in my opinion.

[Nerdcore]

I adore.. no I mean I love older men .. I wont date anyone under 30 yrs old .. its just the older man concept thingy .. dont know how to explain it there.. it just is !

its also I can relate to an older person and speak my mind more clearly to an older person, than someone my own age , who does not give a shit about anything. Plus I have been through alot then most 23 yr olds.. :clover

[Rayne]

I adore.. no I mean I love older men .. I wont date anyone under 30 yrs old .. its just the older man concept thingy .. dont know how to explain it there.. it just is !

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know what you mean............. :whistling

It's nice.

[Rayne]

its also I can relate to an older person and speak my mind more clearly to an older person, than someone my own age , who does not give a shit about anything. Plus I have been through alot then most 23 yr olds..  :clover

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can relate to you here too.....I'm only 26, I've been through an awful lot in those 26 years....way more than others my own age. I can rarely relate to people my own age on the life level.

[saechalyn]

I'm most comfortable with someone my own age. Ideally someone not more than 5 years older or 3 years younger, though I wouldn't discount someone who was wonderful solely because they fell outside that range.

[Draco1958]

I'm not leery, can't afford to be, I'm 48 and divorced. I figure they could still be single cuz they are now gun shy. I'm single cuz my ex decided I didn't fit into her new business/lifestyle and she didn't want to deal with my Mom being in a nursing home. And I haven't met anyone who is interested in being with me.

My G/F is turning 40 also.  She is getting a divorce as of right now.  She told me she will never go with someone younger than her ever again.  Men, your not the only ones that get taken.  Man, is she getting screwed big time.  (he never worked and is getting quite a big chunk of money)  So she said a man being financially stable is more important to her at this phase of life than heart fluttering love.

I don't think one has to sacrafice love to have it all at our age but that the men that are available out there are usually broken somehow.  They are the one's that got thrown back in the pile for some reason or have commitment issues.

What do you think?

Are you leery of people who are divorced and/or still single at 40?

Don't you wonder why they are still single?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Steven]

Quote: Rayne:

I can say now, at 26, I don't think age matters. I've dated guys older than me, by a little, or by a lot. I've dated guys younger than me...although not more than a year or two

.... but your only 26 darlin......

It's maturity more so than age, in my opinion.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

....but maturity is more often than not the Bi-Product of age as it relates to life expereince.....

[Ginevra]

....but maturity is more often than not the Bi-Product of age as it relates to life expereince.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is very true although I've met quite a few mature 26 year olds but its fewer and farther between than others older than that. On the other hand, I've met quite a few immature 40 year olds.

So, I refer back to my original statement. . . . . and will add that it entirely depends on the individual.

[Hellion]

:devil Age should never be a factor in any form of relationship, its all about how you respect one another and maturity age does'nt matter; for the immature people; just grow up!

[Onyx]

I don't think one has to sacrafice love to have it all at our age but that the men that are available out there are usually broken somehow.  They are the one's that got thrown back in the pile for some reason or have commitment issues.

What do you think?

Are you leery of people who are divorced and/or still single at 40?

Don't you wonder why they are still single?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have heard a lot of men and women say this about people who are still single.

This to me is insulting to both men and women who have remained single because it assumes that everyone is the same and makes generalizations that may or not be true.

It assumes that: Everyone must be in a couple at all times, and if you lose your partner in some way you must immediately start dating and find another. Why is that assumed, as if people were Lego blocks you can just plug in as a replacement. It is SO SO much better to be alone than to wish you were. I get so damn sick of my relatives asking me when I'm going to get married again, as if being on my own is some kind of disease. I may or may not get married again, but either way I am sick of how uncomfortable my being single seems to make certain other people in my life.

and the matchmakers! Argh! I hate that. They behave as if I have to be with someone who fits their idea of who I should be with - appearances and finances are all they consider. I reserve the right to be as picky as I please and to use my own criteria, not theirs. Maybe someone is single because they just haven't met anyone who fits, or maybe the person they wanted to marry isn't ready for that kind of commitment yet.

Being a part of a couple isn't the answer to life's problems. Yes, it can be wonderful, but it also can be hell if you aren't compatible in some way. I admire people who have the courage to go against the pressure to couple, because let's face it - lower your standards enough and anyone can get married or have a partner. Take a look around at all the unhappy marriages, domestic violence, arguing, etc etc and then tell me these people have made the right choice.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

It takes a lot of compromise to be in any kind of relationship and I've got to get enough back from the relationship to make it worth it to me. Sometimes a bit of time alone is good for us, to get to know ourselves, to understand who we are.

Sorry to make this a bit of a rant, but I was dealing with a relative of mine today and she really provoked me to ramble on a bit about this very subject.

[saechalyn]

I have heard a lot of men and women say this about people who are still single.

This to me is insulting to both men and women who have remained single because it assumes that everyone is the same and makes generalizations that may or not be true.

It assumes  that:  Everyone must be in a couple at all times, and if you lose your partner in some way you must immediately start dating and find another.  Why is that assumed, as if people were Lego blocks you can just plug in as a replacement. It is SO SO much better to be alone than to wish you were.  I get so damn sick of my relatives asking me when I'm going to get married again, as if being on my own is some kind of disease.  I may or may not get married again, but either way I am sick of how uncomfortable my being single seems to make certain other people in my life. 

and the matchmakers!  Argh!  I hate that.  They behave as if I have to be with someone who fits their idea of who I should be with - appearances and finances are all they consider.  I reserve the right to be as picky as I please and to use my own criteria, not theirs.  Maybe someone is single because they just haven't met anyone who fits, or maybe the person they wanted to marry isn't ready for that kind of commitment yet.

Being a part of a couple isn't the answer to life's problems. Yes, it can be wonderful, but it also can be hell if you aren't compatible in some way.  I admire people who have the courage to go against the pressure to couple, because let's face it - lower your standards enough and anyone can get married or have a partner.  Take a look around at all the unhappy marriages, domestic violence, arguing, etc etc and then tell me these people have made the right choice. 

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

It takes a lot of compromise to be in any kind of relationship and I've got to get enough back from the relationship to make it worth it to me.  Sometimes a bit of time alone is good for us, to get to know ourselves, to understand who we are.

Sorry to make this a bit of a rant, but I was dealing with a relative of mine today and she really provoked me to ramble on a bit about this very subject.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hallelujah, AMEN and Hell fucking yes! I agree with every word of this.

People think because I am over 25 and unmarried that there is something horribly wrong with me, and they are shocked and dumbfounded that I don't leap at every opportunity. Not to sound vain but there are a lot of people I could have if I was just looking for someone to be with- but I'm not.

It's better to be alone than to be alone in a relationship, unfulfilled and unhappy. So few people seem to understand this. It's one of the things I hate the most about this part of the country. In new york being single wasn't seen as a disease.

[n0Mad]

I used to have a 3 up, 5 down standard but things have changed gradually over the years. Now I have no younger limit (although she does have to be at least 18) and while I still prefer an older limit of about 3 years, I could go up to 5 or possibly more depending on the woman. So, age really isn't a hang up for me; I have enough other hang ups as it is. LOL.

[odims_sphere]

Age seems to matter more when you are younger. I can remember when I was 17 I had a... "love interest" who was 13. that was considered WAY not good, but it's only 4 years. Maybe it was because she was so young in general is 13 to young?

But now i'm finding myself attracted to a much younger girl, 7 years to be exact, but now it doesn't seem like a big deal at all.

Just so that we all know I am 28 now, so I'm not STILL chasing 13 year olds.

they chase me.

sometimes they catch me.

[n0Mad]

But now i'm finding myself attracted to a much younger girl, 7 years to be exact

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You're attracted to a seven year old? *snicker* :laughing (and YES, I know what you meant)

[odims_sphere]

You're attracted to a seven year old?  *snicker*  :laughing  (and YES, I know what you meant)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well you know what they say. old enough to pee, old enough for me.

[Rayne]

.... but your only 26 darlin......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I am...and sometimes it shows, but most of the time, you'd be surprised.

I have definately been through a lot in my measley little 26 years.

[torn asunder]

i've *dated* women ranging from 19 to 44 - amd all i have to say is that age is a state of mind. now, age as relates to *committed relationships* might be different, but then, i'm not looking for that now.

[Morbid Side]

I agree with Torn but on that note I think that ages out the window if you have a strong commitment and care for each other.

[Steven]

Yes, I am...and sometimes it shows, but most of the time, you'd be surprised.

I have definately been through a lot in my measley little 26 years.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

wasent meaning to sound like a put down babe, I understand what your saying.

I too went thru far far too much for my age. But then again, so have so many of us in reality - I can swap horror stories with the best of them, but then again so can they. Those things are at best just building blocks - and they definately count - but you still need time to grow anbd find your purpose. Its a good thing though, trust me.

A word of caution about "older men".....

Many of them cant (or wont) deal with the challenges and responsibilities or sense of expectation out of someone closer to their age - and dating younger women gives them a certain element of control. So just be careful.

[Steven]

Might I also suggest that at our age we 'forget' how tough it was to get by on 100 dollars a week and that we need to keep that in mind when voting, ect.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Very Good point HH.

Steve