More suffering

[Soulrev]

I keep poisoning myself. I don't know why.. Well, actually, I do. I love her, I always will.

I made the mistake of talking to Kristina last week and we ended up hanging out for a while on Saturday.. Mostly just drove around and talked and took care of various errands.

Well, she wanted to go to LaPorte to go to a roller skating place with her friends.. I was invited but I didn't have any money and I didn't feel like hanging out with her friends (which, she hangs out with some young friends, she's 18 and hangs out with 13-15 year old range, which kind of reflects her own maturity)..

So she told me "Call me tomorrow when you wake up and we'll hang out ALL day" ..

Famous last words.

Sunday rolls around, I got up, took a shower, got completely ready to walk out the door.. Called her, 4 times in 2 hours, no answer..

Finally call her again at 3pm and her mom picks up "No she spent the night at some friend's house last night and I have no idea when she's coming home" ..

Still haven't gotten ahold of her.

Called her friend Melinda and asked if she knew where the fuck she disappeared to, apparently some new boyfriend..

Why the fuck do I get this kind of shit?

Friday night she tells me on the phone, no, she argues with me on the phone that "I'm not going to leave for the Army, I'm going to stay here and work a normal job because she doesn't want me to leave"

Sat. she tells me to my face that she wants to talk about her and I getting back together on Sunday when we're hanging out..

Then I get ditched?

I often wonder to myself if she really loves me, or if she is so ignorant that she doesn't know what she's doing to me?

I don't know if what she does to me has anything to do with her bi-polar depression, but I would like to know just what the fuck is going on in her head.

I wish I could just stop, say I'm done with her, and move on.. But I just can't!

=(

[Ginevra]

(which, she hangs out with some young friends, she's 18 and hangs out with 13-15 year old range, which kind of reflects her own maturity)

I think you already have it figured out, SR, you just need to face up to it is all. You already have your own answer. Knowing and accepting are two entirely different things, I realise (and *completely* understand.) But it's a step in the right direction.

[Onyx]

I think you already have it figured out, SR, you just need to face up to it is all.  You already have your own answer.  Knowing and accepting are two entirely different things, I realise (and *completely* understand.)  But it's a step in the right direction.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That was very well said.

I have several situations in my own life right now where I *know* what I need to do but accepting the truth is not that easy.

[Msterbeau]

I agree with the ladies on this. I'm an addict... recognizing, accepting and acting on information are all very different situations to me. Acting is always the toughest part. It's strange how in some situations, there seems to be a wall preventing us from doing what's healthy for us.

[Cemetarystarr]

THat is manipulation in its purest form.... i dealt with that kinda shit for almost two years.....dont make the same mistake i did.....the only person she loves is herself...and nothing is going to change that.