My son is going to hell

[Marblez]

I am a Christian. I am raising my son in the Christian faith as well. I know that many of you are too... I would like some advice.

Zack and I were decorating the Christmas tree and I told him that Grammy (my deceased mom) would like that we were putting angels on the tree. She liked angels.

His response, "That's because she IS one". He told me "Grammy went to Heaven, I think I'm gonna go to hell". OMG!! OMG!! OMG!!

I asked him why he thinks that he will go to hell. He said because he keeps lying, when he is afraid to tell the truth - like when someone asks him if he has cleaned his room. (He has a habit of syaing yes just to get out of it)

My question, while continuing a healthy christian value set and encouraging good behavior - do I enforce this line of thinking. Part of me thinks "great, he's getting the message" another thinks that perhaps 5 is too young for a child to be thinking that they will go to hell.

What do YOU think?

[Scary Guy]

I've pretty much accepted that if there is a god I'm going to whatever hell exists for not believing in him.

Though I guess if you ask for forgiveness for your sins, Jesus washes them all away (or is that the catholic line of thinking). I'd look into which sect of christianity you adhere to and maybe call an actual priest (or father or whatever they call themselves) for advice. Just explain to him not to break any of the major commandments and he'll be fine.

[Steven]

Good Question pretty lady, tough sitch.

Children are often so black and white, which is wonderful, yet at the same time is challenging.

You need to being introducing or reinforcing in a very simple matter - the attributes of CHrist - since that's what the whole thing is about in the end.

Compassiona nd forgiveness - those are your new targets. Some possible scenarios to share with him (obviously in a watered down version for a 5 years old's attention span):

The woman at the well

The stoning of the woman

70 X 7

the forgiveness and restoration of Peter

and the many times Christ had compassion and healed or raised the dead - including dead children. Perhaps you can add that Christ did not simply let a dead child remain seperated from him (or go to hell) but instead went after that child in love, pursuing the child into death and restoring her.

let me know if you'd like some research help Marblez.

Steven

[Marblez]

Yes, forgiveness of sins is basic in the Christian faith, but you have to be repentant. You have to truely want forgiveness - not just to do something wrong purposefully, expecting it to be okay if you ask for forgiveness later.

Catholics take this a step further by requiring confession to a priest.

[Marblez]

Good Question pretty lady, tough sitch.

Children are often so black and white, which is wonderful, yet at the same time is challenging.

You need to being introducing or reinforcing in a very simple matter - the attributes of CHrist - since that's what the whole thing is about in the end.

Compassiona nd forgiveness - those are your new targets.  Some possible scenarios to share with him (obviously in a watered down version for a 5 years old's attention span):

The woman at the well

The stoning of the woman

70 X 7

the forgiveness and restoration of Peter

and the many times Christ had compassion and healed or raised the dead - including dead children.  Perhaps you can add that Christ did not simply let a dead child remain seperated from him (or go to hell) but instead went after that child in love, pursuing the child into death  and restoring her.

let me know if you'd like some research help Marblez.

Steven

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually at this time, a raising of the dead story would be a bad thing. He would push further that there is a possibility that Grammy or one of his other deceased loved ones could come back.

[Msterbeau]

This is one of the big problems I have with Catholcism/Christianity and to some extent, other dogmatic faiths. They introduce these concepts of justice and salvation that are very likely to terrify a child into shame, guilt and low self-esteem. Thus the problem, that you have now. Even if you personally don't emphasise the whole hell and damnation stuff at home... he'll pick it up as he learns about the religion. Personally, I think fear is a poor teaching aid.

I like Steven's approach here. You can use Christ as a role model without bring in all the other dogma until the child is ready for it... Perhaps a little late now.

[HipsterDufus]

I don't want to spark any ill feelings here, but morality is something that can easily be taught without Christianity. At least, I can say that is true amongst my friends/acquaintances who were brought up atheists by their parents. They're better people than many of my religious friends.

But if that's your choice, I definitely respect that. I like what both Msterbeau and Steven said.

[Homicidalheathen]

My brother puts it this way: if your saved.....your going to heaven. It is up to you whether or not when you get there your a servant or master. Servants are the ones who lie, cheat and steal......whatever, even though they were saved. He said you reap the rewards of your actions when your in heaven. That he will be a lord and I will be his maid because even though I was saved I don't practice Christianity anymore and that this makes me a poor person when I get there. He is off doing gods good works by preaching to inmates....visiting people in the hospital......ect....

I don't know. Maybe that would work? Tell your kid he is still going to heaven but that he would not have as many benefits when he gets there?

See why Christianity doesn't make sense to me anymore....

[JaneDead]

My question, while continuing a healthy christian value set and encouraging good behavior - do I enforce this line of thinking.  Part of me thinks "great, he's getting the message" another thinks that perhaps 5 is too young for a child to be thinking that they will go to hell.

What do YOU think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i think that "5 is too young for a child to be thinking that they will go to hell."

i don't think kids that young even have a real concept of "hell". also he needs to realize that even if you believe in hell and he believes in hell, whatever he thinks hell might be-which is what you should find out too, he is not to go to hell of something like lying about cleaning his room etc.

when i was 5 a teacher told me i was going to hell with all the bad children that talk too much. (funny thing too i hardly remember ANY of my teacher's names from school but i will never forget her name or her face)

back then i didn't have any concept of hell and well that is something that really stuck with me and i am 31 years old now.

so imagine how zach might grow up to feel if he feels this way now.

so i think first you need some clarification- what IS hell? you need to know what he thinks. and then you need to tell him in a way he understands.

then you need to also clarify what you believe would make one go to such a place and when.

also he needs to learn that things like lying have concequences, but not something as bad as hell.

[JaneDead]

This is one of the big problems I have with Catholcism/Christianity and to some extent, other dogmatic faiths.  They introduce these concepts of justice and salvation that are very likely to terrify a child into shame, guilt and low self-esteem.  Thus the problem, that you have now.  Even if you personally don't emphasise the whole hell and damnation stuff at home... he'll pick it up as he learns about the religion.  Personally, I think fear is a poor teaching aid. 

I like Steven's approach here.  You can use Christ as a role model without bring in all the other dogma until the child is ready for it...  Perhaps a little late now.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

true

true

so true

[Onyx]

I am a Christian. I am raising my son in the Christian faith as well.  I know that many of you are too... I would like some advice.

Zack and I were decorating the Christmas tree and I told him that Grammy (my deceased mom) would like that we were putting angels on the tree.  She liked angels.

His response, "That's because she IS one".  He told me "Grammy went to Heaven, I think I'm gonna go to hell".  OMG!!  OMG!! OMG!! 

I asked him why he thinks that he will go to hell.  He said because he keeps lying, when he is afraid to tell the truth - like when someone asks him if he has cleaned his room.  (He has a habit of syaing yes just to get out of it)

My question, while continuing a healthy christian value set and encouraging good behavior - do I enforce this line of thinking.  Part of me thinks "great, he's getting the message" another thinks that perhaps 5 is too young for a child to be thinking that they will go to hell.

What do YOU think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Seems to me that he is troubled and I would perhaps have him talk to a trusted minister (with you present) or talk to him yourself about forgiveness and the fact that human beings are not perfect.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Explain to him that since he Acknowledges the fact that he is "Wrong doing", he is feeling what is called "Guilt". I natural feeling when one does something wrong. Doesn't mean that he is going to hell, his feelings of guilt are a sign that he is a normal person who feels bad about things when he does something wrong, and this should be a sign to stop doing it, or admit it, or talk to someone about it (Which he did.....)

I think guilt on it's own is a form of punishment.

I also think that that makes a diff in the eyes of god. Those that "Don't feel bad" and continue to do wrong obvioulsy have no morailties or self-control.

Maybe a prayer for forgiveness from his lord is what he needs to feel better.

I don't have kids, so I really can't help on HOW to approach or how to say it....you know?

I also am not a "practicing" christain. So really I am not the best person to console with, nor do I have appropriate education in christianity to really be more specific.

I am not sure what the rules are. This just makes sense to me?!

:fear

[The_Dark]

I like how you asked for opinions from other Christian parents and all the Non-Christians came out of the woodwork.... Even the ones that offered good advise could not help but slip in a dig on being Christian.... How does that go... If you don;t have something nice to say... STFU.

go with a poem or something poem like... kids dig on stuff like that. The tools you need to teach your child about God and forgiveness are all right there in your Bible.

...God is faithful and fair.

If we admit that we have sinned,

He will forgive us our sins.

He will forgive every wrong thing we have done.

He will make us pure.

John 1:9

[Msterbeau]

I like how you asked for opinions from other Christian parents and all the Non-Christians came out of the woodwork.... Even the ones that offered good advise could not help but slip in a dig on being Christian.... How does that go... If you don;t have something nice to say... STFU.

Weather or not you're talking about me, I have direct experience with this as a child of Catholic parents and as such I have a valid right to express my opinion in this matter. Furthermore, she did not specifically ask only for Christian parents help.

Maybe you should take your own advice, Mark. Telling people to STFU? Really nice.

[Steven]

Actually at this time, a raising of the dead story would be a bad thing. He would push further that there is a possibility that Grammy or one of his other deceased loved ones could come back.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I understand what your saying.

Its sometimes a bit of a challenge to communicate the message of the cross - but reconcilliation is the end all be all of the purpose of Christ. Any ideas come to mind yet?

[Steven]

.  Personally, I think fear is a poor teaching aid. 

I like Steven's approach here.  You can use Christ as a role model without bring in all the other dogma until the child is ready for it...  Perhaps a little late now.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Fear is the WORST teaching aid.

not too late though....especially in light of the strength of a Mother's love. I grew up without a mom - I have no concept of what its like to have her make you feel safe, or warm, or welcome, but I know it is a very powerful force and critical in the devlopment of any child.

Marblez can exemplify the love of Christ thru her own love for her Son. Intimate times between mother and child are probably the best times to teach lessons of love innocently - no dogma - just expression. These are the things about Christ that still impress me the most - his basic love for people. A child can learn these thigns much easier than we can.

[Steven]

My brother puts it this way: if your saved.....your going to heaven.  It is up to you whether or not when you get there your a servant or master.  Servants are the ones who lie, cheat and steal......whatever, even though they were saved.  He said you reap the rewards of your actions when your in heaven.  That he will be a lord and I will be his maid because even though I was saved I don't practice Christianity anymore and that this makes me a poor person when I get there.  He is off doing gods good works by preaching to inmates....visiting people in the hospital......ect....

I don't know.  Maybe that would work?  Tell your kid he is still going to heaven but that he would not have as many benefits when he gets there?

See why Christianity doesn't make sense to me anymore....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sorry Babe - but your brother is wrong. This is not Christianity - this is Christianeze behaviour in pursuit of future reward - it is not somethign representative of the spirit of God.

[Steven]

i think that "5 is too young for a child to be thinking that they will go to hell."

i don't think kids that young even have a real concept of "hell". also he needs to realize that even if you believe in hell and he believes in hell, whatever he thinks hell might be-which is what you should find out too, he is not to go to hell of something like lying about cleaning his room etc.

when i was 5 a teacher told me i was going to hell with all the bad children that talk too much.  (funny thing too i hardly remember ANY of my teacher's names from school but i will never forget her name or her face)

back then i didn't have any concept of hell and well that is something that really stuck with me and i am 31 years old now.

so imagine how zach might grow up to feel if he feels this way now.

so i think first you need some clarification- what IS hell? you need to know what he thinks. and then you need to tell him in a way he understands.

then you need to also clarify what you believe would make one go to such a place and when.

also he needs to learn that things like lying have concequences, but not something as bad as hell.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm hoggin up this thread, sorry peeps.....

Jane has a good idea here - what exactly is your Son's concept of Hell,a nd what is his ideas on its existence and purpose?

Also bear in mind that the true biblical concept of Hell is ultiamtely seperation from God - based on a refusal to accept his provision. Its nto a question of "right or wrong".

[Steven]

Explain to him that since he Acknowledges the fact that he is "Wrong doing", he is feeling what is called "Guilt".  I natural feeling when one does something wrong.  Doesn't mean that he is going to hell, his feelings of guilt are a sign that he is a normal person who feels bad about things when he does something wrong, and this should be a sign to stop doing it, or admit it, or talk to someone about it (Which he did.....)

I think guilt on it's own is a form of punishment. 

I also think that that makes a diff in the eyes of god.  Those that "Don't feel bad" and continue to do wrong obvioulsy have no morailties or self-control.

Maybe a prayer for forgiveness from his lord is what he needs to feel better. 

I don't have kids, so I really can't help on HOW to approach or how to say it....you know?

I also am not a "practicing" christain.  So really I am not the best person to console with, nor do I have appropriate education in christianity to really be more specific.

I am not sure what the rules are.  This just makes sense to me?!

:fear

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

another great idea. excellent.

you dont need an educated theological mind to know what to do Kellygirl. You need heart.

Christ himself said:

"Love covers a MULTITUDE of sins".

[Homicidalheathen]

All religeons teach a cause effect sort of reward punishment system. It seems to work as far as keeping people in line that have somewhat of a conscience.

[Steven]

All religeons teach a cause effect sort of reward punishment system.  It seems to work as far as keeping people in line that have somewhat of a conscience.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

never worked for the nation of Israel.

this sort of describes a works-based faith system in excahnge for Nirvana.

Christianity (although sadly and erroneously represented more oftne than not) basically states that: (here we go folks, time to get mad)

A) your flawed

B) yet precious

c) unable on your own power or merit to accomplish the final task as the soul leaves the body - that of continuing forward into the next state of existence that God intends for you.

D) therefore he has created a vehicle (Christ) for which you might hitch a ride by so accepting this ride.

..... the only thing we have the power to do in this "reward" system is choose. After that, the real struggle begins so that we can live successfully whilst still on Planet.

[HipsterDufus]

Weather or not you're talking about me, I have direct experience with this as a child of Catholic parents and as such I have a valid right to express my opinion in this matter.  Furthermore,  she did not specifically ask only for Christian parents help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I also grew up in a very strict Christian home, so unless you want your kid to turn out like me.... Just kidding. I don't want to make light of your situation. I wish you the best of luck with you child. From my experience, I personally agree with Steven that Christianity shouldn't be all about hellfire and damnation, but this is your own life to live, so ulitmately, the decision is up to you. All that I can tell you is that I'm permanently turned off to that religion because of how it was taught to me as a child.

[HipsterDufus]

Fear is the WORST teaching aid.

not too late though....especially in light of the strength of a Mother's love.  I grew up without a mom - I have no concept of what its like to have her make you feel safe, or warm, or welcome, but I know it is a very powerful force and critical in the devlopment of any child.

Marblez can exemplify the love of Christ thru her own love for her Son.  Intimate times between mother and child are probably the best times to teach lessons of love innocently - no dogma - just expression.  These are the things about Christ that still impress me the most - his basic love for people.  A child can learn these thigns much easier than we can.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sorry to postwhore, but this is the part I particularly agreed with.

[Crazed Vampyress]

when he was talking to you did he say he thought he was going to hell in a scared, upset kind of tone? Or was it more of that simple matter-of-fact way that children just explain themselves?

I ask because I think that his tone and emotion behind the statement will tell you more than the statement itself with most children.

If he seemed frightened, then it is definately time to step in because no child, especially that young, should be living in fear of his faith. However if he was simply stating it like fact it shows more that he has a basic understanding of right and wrong actions having reward and consequence and some talking and explanation and just growing up and learning more should help to ease his mind.

Not that im an expert or anything, this comes just from what ive learned. I was a nanny for over 4 years for two different families and actually did some indpendant study into child behavior during that time.

Wish you the best of luck!

[DisturbedMania]

It's been a while since Catholic school, but the Catholics believe in a place that minor sinners go for just a bit before heaven to kinda payback for their sins. They call it Pergatory- a temporary state of punishment and purification for the sins of our life. (definition from Catholic.com) I always liked that concept when I was Catholic.