Puppies - the human kind

[Fierce Critter]

This subject came up a couple times recently in some conversations.

Nice people. Sometimes on the meek - and I'll say it - even geek side. Wouldn't hurt a fly.

But for some reason, they're a little scary. And if you're nice to them they latch onto you. TIGHT.

My sister had a horrible problem with a girl doing that to her once. The girl had known mental issues. And my sister was nice to her - once. ONCE. And thereafter this girl would show up on our doorstep DAILY wanting to hang-out with my sister.

My sister is a nice person. But she's kinda anti-social. And she just was not interested in hanging with this girl. But she would NOT take hints or polite refusals. It finally got so bad my sister had to pointedly tell her she was not interested in hanging out with her.

I've had more than my share, too. In high school, well, I WAS a geek. Until I discovered my own sense of style (slightly ripped-off from Cyndi Lauper), I was a nerd. Then, when I went all punk, suddenly everybody wanted to be my friend - including more than a fair share of puppies. Thankfully, none of them turned out to be the "scary stalker" type, and I actually made a few nice new friends from some of them.

But puppies followed me as I got older. People who I didn't mind being acquainted with. But just weren't interesting to me as a friend. Or who fixated on me and made me uncomfortable.

I was going through some minor therapy in my early 20's when I met this guy who, the first time we went out, ended up telling me about how he was sexually assaulted by his father - and still lived with him, and "who knows what tomorrow will bring."

GADS.

I sensed puppy all over him. And yet, I was torn. Distance myself and hurt him, or immerse myself and potentially hurt myself?

Thankfully, my therapist only had to say this: "Don't walk away from this guy. RUN!" And she was right. I just had too much of a tendency to take people like that under my wing and end up lost in their own neuroses, while having my own to work on. The next time he called, I was honest with him about that and he took it very, very well.

I have nothing against nice, sweet, meek people. I myself am still very geeky in many ways. But I just don't feel comfortable around obsessive, needy people.

KnowwhutImean?

[Daevion]

I had this friend who I met at work awhile back who was really loud and outgoing and we got to be pretty good friends....doing lan computer gaming and/or just hanging out at subway or wherever.....anyway to make a long story short after about a year or so this guy got it in his head that I was one of those shy puppy types with no other friends but him...blah blah blah..anyway after awhile I got sick of his supposed joking around. He would go on these rants about how no one else likes me and all that shit.....needless to say I removed him as my friend, in several well planned out steps. I don't know what the hell happened or why this guy turned into a total jackass or why the fool got it into his head that I would take any kind of shit from someone who I thought was one of my best friends. I guess some people just get it in thier heads that because I'm fairly nice and laid back that I'll take any kind of abuse they feel like throwing at me....not the case...they get removed easily enough.

[Crazed Vampyress]

Scenario 1: I was friends with a girl named michelle in high school and for a science project we had to have a third person so we asked a quiet girl named sheri in our class who seemed like she would do her share tho she generally wasnt very social. we all met together at my house over the weekend and did the work, the three of us got along rather well the first day and i was relieved cuz ive always been rather anti social. i love my few friends and frankly am fine with the rest of the world leaving me alone, so having to spend the weekend with someone i didnt know wasnt especially appealing to me. at the begining of the second day we realised we would be done in only a couple of hours and as things came to a close sheri started talking about getting together, the three of us again. we did. and again. and again. and again. and again. every day in school she was waiting to talk to one or both of us before classes, after classes, during lunch. she was calling one or both of us all the time and the couple times michelle and i made plans to hang out without her or with other friends she would get upset. after a couple weeks she bought these 3 necklaces that each had a 1/3 piece of a heart that read 'best friends' when put all together and delivered it to us with long explanations of how she was keeping the middle section as she was the one to bring the three of us together (i dont know where that came from) i bought a t shirt she bought the same one. michelle got a haircut she got the same one. it was ridiculous and after 3 weeks of it i had to tell this girl she was creeping me out, i gave back the necklace, told her i was not her best friend and told her not to call me any more. michelle, who felt the same but was much much nicer than i could ever be, still got a few more calls but when she stopped returning messages all was finally over. it was so weird.

scenario 2: i was working at target at the customer service desk and the girl who worked in the photo lab next to it and i started talking one day cuz i complimented her Animal (from the Muppets) backpack. i didnt think much of it but apparantly she did. one conversation turned into her making it a point to talk to me every day. then i agreed to hang out with her once and suddenly i was getting her calling me every other day to hang out. after 2 weeks she was introducing me to her neighbor as her 'best friend' and it was freaky. i had piercings, she started getting some. i went in for my next tattoo she had to get one too. i was hanging out drinking with my friends she had to be there too. i told her she was kinda creepin me out and she laughed and said shes a clingy bitch and theres nothing i can do about it. the fact that i couldnt help but bust a gut told me i guess i didnt mind as much as i thought i did. we have remained friends ever since, i still tell her from time to time to fuck off cuz shes getting on my nerves, but thats okay shes learned to be as rude as me.

so some puppies are just icky. others have potential, at least in my personal experience. now when its a guy following you with that clingy puppy thing and he's whining that he wants to be with you or some bulldookie, well that i dont even mess around with. hello... goodbye!

[JaneDead]

oh yes critter i know what you mean. i have had my fair share of puppies too!!

[Saephyr]

it is true that it's flattering at first.

BUT

You have to be COMPLETELY straight forward with that personality. Even if it hurts you to do it.

[Head Wreck]

yep. one in svhool with me about 3 years above his age group. kid never learnt social interaction properly.

so me being me, knew this kid was harmless enough was friendly at first. then the latch on happned.

needless to say it ended up with my friend chasing him out of his field where we were playing cricket because we didnt invite him there (and everyone else and me could no longer stand him)

he did a lot of stupid things during school that ended up with him being K.O'ed, one occasion being hit so hard he flew across the length of one classroom. i felt so horrible. i laughed my ass off

[Homicidalheathen]

Yes! This is why sometimes I won't answer my phone.....or I find 20 messages on my messenger from one person........

I do have a problem just telling them to buzz off thinking maybe they still have some good qualities that might be worth waiting it out to see if in time, said qualities become more in the forefront.

And that they get ahold of their wierdness.........but I guess your right. Should just cut them loose.

[saechalyn]

Fortunately this hasn't happened to me since high school. But it definitely is a pain in the ass.

[Head Wreck]

listen to HW. wield the mighty cricket bat of doom (+5) and smite them!

get a friend to bowl frogs at you while you bat them at said ofender

[Nienna]

Yep. I've had a few. Lately I tend to get bitchy right away. I used to try to be nice, but I just don't have the energy anymore.

[Guest Megalicious]

Yes at first its kinda of cute .. and you feel loved in some strange way BUT then it just becomes annoying to the point that when you look at them all you can feel is sick to your stomach. I do not want to be someones life ... nor do I want someone to be mine ... I dont need some to complete me ... I just need someone that compliments me well =) As for friends ppl who are weak and have no personal idenity are sad little things, you cant help but feel bad for them. Its out of pity that we befriend them ... and out of annoyance that we end thosse friendships.

[holliwood66]

Heh, quite a few in high-school...and I must admit that I was not nice about it at all. The more the people followed me around/tried to be just like me the more nasty I became - I did some pretty cruel things back then that I am not proud of.

Tho I am sure it came from being bullied severly as a kid/having to fight all the time for my own personal space, so when I felt I had my own little safe realm I felt threatened in the extreme by copycats and clingy social pariahs.

I haven't met one of these kinds of people in years - I don't frequent places where they lurk. There are a few a work - but they are easy to avoid.

[LadyWindstone]

I actually found myself being a puppy once. It scared the hell outta me and I stopped very quickly. I've had a few puppies in my lifetime. Some I'm still trying to get rid of. Then I get online puppies too and that's a little scarey.

[Nienna]

Ironically enough.. I got a City Club puppy just Friday night. 18, frat girl, cute enough. She clung like drunken underage velcro. It was bad. Really bad. She chased me all over the dancefloor and kept getting really close to me trying to do this really stiff booty bumping/grinding thing. I finally abandoned all hope of dancing just to escape. Not sure what was up with that. LOL I later noticed that after my narrow escape she had puppied herself to another hapless young lady and was grinding/bumping her as well... Hmmmmm...

[the eternal]

Yeah, I've been there too.

People have used me and latched on to me my whole life.

I find not having friends usually helps take care of that problem.

One thing I still need to watch for are the pet projects I always take on.

"Oh, she just got abused. I need to help her. If I don't who will?"

"Oh, no one understands him. He needs a friend right now"

"Oh, she was homeless, and I just wanted to give her a ride to the shelter"

Bean has promised that she will use her Detroit street smarts like a clove of garlic, warding off evil, clingy, and creepy spirits.

I have gotten better, though.

A little.

[Hellion]

I dealt with this bs before,one of the main reasons I am antisocial,except towards certain friends and relatives,its either they are attracted to whats in my wallet,(money)or when I am at the coffee house with my computer and someone starts asking me "can I use your computer"?and all I say is sorry this is not the library,if you want to use the internet,go there,and btw quit spying on me and reading what I am typing,eavsdropper,just leave me alone"LOL!!

[nilhil_glory]

hahahaha

i can be a bit puppy but

generally not like puppy puppy becouse

i dont really obsess

and i tend to be like hey latch on for a two minutes...

then wander somewhere else for no apperant reason

hahah im like loner puppy but thats pretty much my personality i typically show up when needed then afterwords i dissapear

[Destroit]

I was a puppy until I realized I didn't need REAL friends, I could make them up as I go and we always do what I please I also have animal friends, and usually they cling to me like they're the puppy, makes me feel necessary. Man...I r a loser

I was an only child with no friends growing up, so of course I started making people up in my head. I clung to whoever I could, but since I was horribly annoying (probably still am, but I just don't acknowledge it anymore), I was rejected left and right. I mean, studies even show that only children have a starlingly high incidence of talking aloud, now I know the answer why

[nilhil_glory]

I mean, studies even show that only children have a starlingly high incidence of talking aloud, now I know the answer why

so thats why my mom talks and yells to and at herself

[Destroit]

so thats why my mom talks and yells to and at herself

Yeeeeap. The scary part is that she probably thinks of those imaginary people as actually listening to her to, just like I tend to do. Ohhh the lack-of-siblinghood, sure your IQ is generally higher in the end, but that doesn't help you much when everyone thinks you're crazy.

[nilhil_glory]

everyone thinks smart people are generally crazy anyways

lol

i always just thought she liked the sound of her angry voice

[FarrIL]

I had to be firm with a somewhat of a puppy person. This type of person believes that any type of attention is good attention and such. Here's the story:

Well, an acquaintance of mine (( I dont quite consider her a friend, just someone to give advice to when the situation calls for it.... )) appeared on the doorstep, uninvited, unbeknownst and randomly tonight while we were finishing dinner. Brian came over and cooked the steaks my mom had set out and our plates were almost clean.

Knock on the door, it's Nikki. She comes in and the 5 of us (( Mom, George, Brian, Myself and Nikki )) all sit down and chat. As she enters, she points to Brian and asks "Who's this?" I say "That's my boyfriend Brian" and I introduce them. I offer what's left on my plate to George and then we all head outside for a smoke, obviously George and I not among the cancer stick elite.

We all file over to the door, save for Nikki who already had her sweater on, and I had a feeling that Nikki, doing what she seems to normally do -- she sees boy, she starts asking things, was going to try and file out the door behind Brian, so I grab my sweater and get between the two of them.

We're all outside and Nikki asks "So how long have you two been together?"

I reply "4 months, and nothing is going to change that." I leaned in a kissed Brian and said "Yeah, gonna last a lot longer."

Nikki then mentions that her asshole of an ex boyfriend called her. Yeahy. The issue I have with this girl is apparently, any type of attention is good to her. Even the verbally and emotionally abusive attention. Nikki also made the comment that I found a boyfriend who's comfortable enough to wear eyeliner, Brian saying "Yeah, I'm not normal." Nikki says "That's okay, I dont go for normal anyway."

So we all head back inside and my mind is thinking "I have to use the bathroom, and when I leave the room, she's going to sit down next to Brian."

I use the bathroom, come back into the living room and who's sitting next to Brian? Nikki. So I make the "Aheemm" noise and she scoots over, and while he didnt have to, Brian scoots over too.

A few minutes later, I lean in and whisper in Brian's ear "Mind if we go somewhere and talk for a few minutes?" Brian said "Sure" and we headed towards the bathroom. I asked him if he got any weird vibes from Nikki and he shook his head no and I said "Well, she's done this type of thing before where she sees a boy and averts the attention away." Brian made it clear that even if that was Nikki's intentions, it wasnt going to happen because he was more than happy with me and that wasnt changing.

Then Nikki came around the corner and asked where we went and I peered over and said "We're talking" (( a little firmly )).

We finished, and then I went and got Nikki, said "Your turn." She jokingly asked as we walked "I'm in trouble? What'd I doooo?"

I told her something along the lines of this:

"Okay, I'm going to be honest with you.... I noticed you sat down next to George when you came in but when we were done smoking, you sat down next to Brian."

Nikki: To wait for you.

"I'm not accusing you of anything, but Brian and I have been together a happy 4 months and we're planning on being together a lot longer than that. That's not changing. So any interest you THINK you have, it's not happening." Nikki is shaking her head, as in she wasnt interested.

Me: "I also am in college, I have a job and a social life. When I say 'If I dont have plans' it means that I really dont have anything to do that day. I usually have things to do 7 days out of the week. If I'm at home, I'm probably working on something. And I know you're excited about moving back to Midland but that doesnt mean you can assume that you can just pop on over. Even if you do that, it doesnt mean I'm going to hang out with you. I'll give you the time of day, but I'm probably busy with something, planning for what's ahead, and I probably dont want or need company. You can come and say hi to me in the store but other than that, I'm probably going to be busy with other things."

I dont think that was rude. I really dont. Hell, I dont even know how blunt that was to her, I'm sure she got the picture though.

I know my mom doesnt like her that much as well. I said to Nikki that I like her, dont get me wrong, but I've got a life and I'm busy with it.

And Brian's become a big part of that life.

Nikki said she should probably get back to her grandmother's house and she left within a few minutes of our talk.

I hate saying that stuff to people and I dont do it very often at all, but oiy..... I dont try to be rude to someone, attempt to let them off easy, but I sometimes leave those situations wondering how badly I may have hurt their feelings, if I did at all.

[nilhil_glory]

Nikki said she should probably get back to her grandmother's house and she left within a few minutes of our talk.

I hate saying that stuff to people and I dont do it very often at all, but oiy..... I dont try to be rude to someone, attempt to let them off easy, but I sometimes leave those situations wondering how badly I may have hurt their feelings, if I did at all.

You prolly made her peeherself with your buff scary self thinking she was going to get maimed

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

several years ago, my best friend and I were sitting in a church parking lot waiting for our bus to go to some church event (this was back in my church going days), and it started raining. we noticed that there was the guy standing out in the rain, waiting on the same bus. My mom popped the trunk opened the door, and told him to get in. Well, after we got to where we were going, I was constantly bumping into him. My friend was, too. He followed us everywhere, inserted himself into our conversations, ect., ect.... yeah...

We finally has to tell him that he was cool and all, but he was being rude, and sometimes the way he follows us was just plain creepy... i told him that he's a sweet kid, but give us a little space, sometimes....

He got the message, but I think that he took it to extremes. He wouldn't even look at at me or my friend, much less talk to us, ever again...

[Scales]

I've had people like puppies in my life, they would follow me around and acted like I was cool, or a role-model, or something. I've also been like a puppy, for instance a long time ago when I was a little kid I used to follow this one older kid around and earned the nickname "Shadow."

I'm sure everyone has been like a puppy, it's a child-like trait and response to insecurity. Everyone goes through insecurity in life and it's how they respond to it. We're constantly changing the way we respond things in order to better ourselves.

What it comes down to is you can't have a steady friendship without a shared foundation of respect. When someone doesn't respect your space, your time, your attention, these kind of things that give you self-esteem by being valuable- then they aren't respecting themselves either. Then there's also the idea that nobody who's emotionally intelligent wants to look extremely stuck-up towards others. So the key is striking an assertive balance.