My Hell

[Soulrev]

I've come to a conclusion.

I don't know how many other people are out there who are in a situation like mine but if you're one of them you have my empathy.

Everyone who's been here as long as I have and some of the others even know ALL about my situation with Kristina, the super-fucked up relationship of the century..

For those that don't know - long story short, it's nearly 2 years of literal on-off relationship between her and I.

I just keep thinking that someone will have some good advice for me.. But then I thought, there's no advice anyone CAN give me.. I create my own hell and I burn myself in it all day long.

I love her, I will always love her, and the place she takes in my heart is too large. So much that I have no room for anyone else. I won't let anyone else in. I can't. It feels so wrong.

My conclusion? Simple. I've decided I'd rather be with her or with nobody. Either way somehow I am happier alone than with someone else besides her. Believe me, I've tried, so many times.

Yet, she is almost like a poison, a drug with harmful side effects that I can't stop taking.

I know she loves me back, but I think she takes me for granted. I think she REALLY takes me for granted.. And I know, because I've met, most of her ex-boyfriends are no prize.. She just thinks that if one little thing goes wrong she can break up with me and move right on 2 days later have a new boyfriend.. But those never last for her either..

I don't know what the hell goes on inside her head, or if this relationship will ever succeed, maybe she needs to grow up? I don't know..

But, all I have to say is, this is my hell. I'm hopelessly in love with someone that may or may never work out.

[Onyx]

I've been just where you are, and my guess is so have a lot of us.

All I've got to say is that if she isn't making you delirously happy and making you feel wonderful about yourself and you are not doing the same for her, she is not the right woman for you, but sometimes you just need to let things play themselves out.

(((hugs)))

[Homicidalheathen]

Don't ask me. I still have not decided if lonliness is worse than misery.

[Draco1958]

Don't ask me.  I still have not decided if lonliness is worse than misery.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm not sure either. On one hand I hate being alone, wish I had someone to snuggle up with and not think of what bad happenned that day. On the other hand, I worry I'll end up with another like my Ex and that scares me.

[DarkVampire]

Being alone for too long will take it's toll on your sanity.

[Brenda Starrr]

***Hugs for Brian***

[DarkChylde]

Being alone for too long will take it's toll on your sanity.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have to agree, I remember at one point when I was single for almost 4 years straight (which im sure some of you remember that) it got to the point where I was just plain bored and grew tired of the other half of my bed being empty.

But on the other hand now im starting to miss those days though. Yeah im confusing as well.

[Saephyr]

Misery or being alone eh?

i don't think it's a cut & dry as all that honey.

I'm a disaster on my own but i have no choice. I have 2 men that love me no matter what...my son Nikola the yellow lab and the best man ever....my DADDY