Describe your usual mate

[Jarodaka]

Let's face it, one way or another we end up with the same person. Looks, personality, character traits, beliefs, everything, there's just some quality in those people we date that we're hopelessly (perhaps intentionally, maybe tragically, possibly willingly) drawn to.

What are those recurring qualities, good or bad, that you find in others? How close have you come to finding your alleged perfect mate? 20%? 50%?

[Jarodaka]

*aherm* of course, present S.O.'s excluded. That's just a given.

[LuluVox]

Hm. I've only had 2 relationships where the people could be put on the same shelf, so to speak. Okay, maybe 3, but the third one would be on clearance.

The two of them actually ended up becoming really good friends, and still are, to my knowledge. They didn't start becoming friendly until after Guy 1 and I had broken up. But anyway, that's a long story. Let's see, they were both:

Scorpios (one had my exact birthday, same year)

Music nerds. Guy 1 was responsible for introducing me to a lot of the bands that I listen to and love still. (But I introduced him to the Cure, so we're even).

Fond of taking drugs and making Generally Dumb decisions

Horrible under stress.

And other little things. Appearance-wise, though, they looked nothing at all alike. Guy one had curly light brown hair and brown eyes, and was about my height, Guy 2 was 6'3", dark brown hair, blue eyes, and paper-white skin. They were both pretty skinny, though.

Okay, I'm sick of talking about this now.

[JaneDead]

actually none of the guys i have ever been with where the same in any way. except most are taller than 6 feet tall and that is about it. oh and a great majority of them have green/hazel eyes. i dont think i ever dated a guy with brown eyes (maybe once, now that i think about it) and only a few of them had blue eyes. i always found it odd that i went out with so many green eyed guys. they have all had dark blonde to light/medium brown hair too. nothing really light or really dark, but i think that is a coincidence too.

another thing that normally would happen is when i date these guys- either their brother or best friend (or both) would like me too. though this has nothing to do with them personally or them being alike.

i'm really thinking here... i honestly can't think of anything these guys have in common. personality, interests, intellect, job status, style of dress, etc... all of it is always quite different.

i guess later i will have to break it down or something and try to fish for something that is similar among them. there has to be something you would think?

[Jarodaka]

I agree, Dyno. You need to look deeper. There has to be something! Perhaps you need an objective, third-party observer.

[JaneDead]

that is a good thought. or maybe ishould seperate it by serious relationships and "the other guys" to see if maybe there are similarites there at all. i just don't know who would know enough about the guys to give me that input.

[Onyx]

I beg to differ -- most of the guys who have been in my life have little in common. The good ones were all at least slightly nerdy and the best ones were very nerdy.

Something very strange though -- I dated a lot in high school and college and every single one, without exception even though I met them in different places was

can you guess? . . . .

left handed. I swear I didn't choose lefties on purpose.

The fellow I'm seeing now is right handed. We are still getting to know one another but at present I'd put him at about 90%. Maybe I should have gone with righties all along?

[Jarodaka]

I'm sorry, Onyx, but for the sake of my theory I have to disagree with your observation. Left-handed nerds? I think there's more in common than there you realize. Especially since nerd implies a whole series of personality traits...

Dyno: the short-term relations (one month, two?) and one-offs don't really count! Though there's probably a common thread there, too.

[Black Sunday]

Actually all the girls I've dated really are similar: they're all stupid bitches.

[JaneDead]

no jarod i was not going to include anything like that. but i was trying to exclude mentally any guy that i *just* liked. i really only had a few real relationships ever anyways. so i was trying to really think about what those few people had in common and not think about anyone else i may have liked.

and like black sunday i found out what they have in common as well- they are all stupid bitches. amen my brother, amen.

[Nienna]

All the guys I've dated have been mega geeks for something, but never the same thing. Other than that they're all completely different. That counts appearance, interests, music, scenes, etc. The cool thing is that I usually learn to embrace their geekiness in some form making me a rather well rounded female geek. uhm...

[bav]

Heh....I was thinking about this the other day...I've had 7 "real" relationships...out of those:

4 had names that started with the letter C

5 of them were bisexual

5 were younger than me

4 were left handed

So I guess to answer the question of whether or not young, bisexual left-handed girls who's name start with C are a "perfect match" for me, the answer is.....

GOD NO!!!!!!!!

I hated having to have the monogomy conversation (having to explain that a monogomous relationship meant not sleeping with other people period, not just other guys), the relationships usually went down hill pretty quickly, and would end up in self-destructive co-dependenceness that would take forever for both of us to really see as being unhealthy.

Looking back, I had 2 good relationships. Oddly enough, neither one of them were bisexual, and both of them were pretty stable until the end.

[Black Sunday]

Bav, you dated 5 people who were bisexual?

damn, you people have lives that are much more exciting than mine.

[Jarodaka]

Apparently, I've dated two bisexual people. The first one must've been a lesbian, I swear. So two bi's and a lesbian. Hmm.

[LuluVox]

My mother thinks that every guy I've dated was secretly gay.

Thanks a lot, mom! I swear, it's sooo tempting to just say "Oh no, they weren't gay at all, we used to have sex ALL THE TIME! And trust me, they enjoyed themselves! So, what did you do today? How was work?"

[Shade Everdark]

The majority of women I've dated have, for some reason, been under 5' 3", and have had very dark hair. They also had a tendency to feel the need to be very...forward in dealings with people, perhaps as a compensation for being so petite (most never topped 110 lbs.). Strangely enough, the only one to break this mold (present SOs excluded, of course) was my Japanese girlfriend, who happened to be a very respectable 5'6".

[holliwood66]

Most of the men I've dated were at a crossroads/transition point in their lives. That, or they wanted someone to take care of them *They were ineffectual, and bitter as hell over it*

Most have been above-average in the brains department, with overwheening mothers.

One of my old group of friends never, ever liked who I was dating...

Tho, it has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions that the people doing the hating, were people who wanted to date me at one time or another and were turned down.

Good to not deal with that anymore

[Guest Megalicious]

I dont think I have a USUAL, do to the fact that i have only had two meaningful relationships and well they are like fucking night and day. AND are Nothing alike ... but Im going to try and compare anyway..

1.Both were and are HIGHLY INTELLIGENT! In differnt ways of course ..

2. Both had and have light eyes.

3.Both had and have a Deep love for music and it was and is a big part of their lives.

4.Both had and have a great sense of humor

and thats about it...

in personality OMG ... they could'nt have been more different.

IN LIFESTYLE ... sometimes I question if Im compatable with my present S.O. due to the fact that well I'm more like my ex then him ... on so many different levels ...we come from two completly different worlds and sometime i dont understand him and he doesnt understand me. And that scares me ... rummbling on Il. shut up now lol

[Guest Game of Chance]

sexy, sexy, sexy artistic girl...not necessarily book smart, but definitely creative (writer, painter, musician, etc.) oh yeah...and HOT :grin

I've been in love twice...and those qualities were found in both

[Brenda Starrr]

The usual: Emotionally and physically abusive. Excessively possessive and never liked the way I looked.

Then there's Wayne.....

Kind, loving, willing to fulfill EVERY fantasy that I have, good to my kids, romantic. This despite that he's a *shudder* gamer.