French people jokes

[Homicidalheathen]

Subject: Fw: Breakfast in Paris

Breakfast in Paris...

An American is having

breakfast, in Paris, one

morning (coffee,

croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman,

chewing

bubble-gum,

sits down next to him. The American ignores theFrenchman who,

nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In

France, we

only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a

container,

recycle

it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the

states."

The

Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the

bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth

and

chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast,

then we

put

all

the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle

them,

transform

them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do

you have

sex

in

France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big

smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once

you've used

them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a

container,

recycle

them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to

France."

[Homicidalheathen]

A lion in the zoo was lying in the sun licking its rear end when a visitor turned to the zoo keeper and said, "That's a docile old thing isn't it?"

"No way," said the zoo keeper, "it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a Frenchman into the cage and completely devoured him."

"Hardly seems possible" said the astonished visitor, "but why is it lying there licking its rear?"

"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth."

[Homicidalheathen]

A French and American general were surveying a battlefield. A bullet strikes the American general, grazing his arm. He shouts "Aide! Bring me my red jacket!"

The French general asks "Why did you do that?"

The American general responds "So my men don't see that I'm bleeding, and lose hope."

A second bullet narrowly misses the French general's ear, and he shouts: "Aide! Bring me my brown trousers!"

[Homicidalheathen]

A Frenchman, an American, and a Brit were all busy getting drunk in Saudi Arabia when the cops burst in. They were soon sentenced to death, but through good lawyers, the three men were able to reduce their sentence to life. As luck would have it, it was a Saudi holiday, so the judge said, "Because it's a holiday you will each recieve 20 lashes and be let go.

It is customary to grant one wish before punishment. The Brit thinks and says, "Strap a pillow on my back." They do, but it only holds for 10 lashes.

The Frenchman sees this, and requests two pillows on his back. These only hold for 15 lashes.

The judge turns to the American and says "Because you are from such a respectable country, you get 2 wishes."

The American replies, "I wish to be flogged 100 times, not 20." The judge thinks this is very honerable and asks "And your second?"

The American answers "Strap the Frenchman to my back."

[soothsayer]

:laughing

[Homicidalheathen]

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller

[Homicidalheathen]

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." —Conan O'Brien

[Homicidalheathen]

"American tourists in Paris are reported to being yelled at, spit upon, and attacked by the French. Thank God things are getting back to normal." —Jay Leno

[Homicidalheathen]

"They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus Hamilton

Ha ha ha! Oh lordy.

[DarkVampire]

=)

[Homicidalheathen]

The governor of Colorado is catching hell from French diplomats for what they call "unfortunate and ill-informed" jokes about the French at a Republican Party convention, reports the Denver Post.

In a keynote speech, Gov. Bill Owens cracked a few jokes that didn’t sit well with the frogs.

"You know why they planted those big trees along the boulevard in Paris?” he asked. “So the invading armies could march in the shade."

And, he continued, "You know why the new French navy has glass-bottom boats? So it can see the old French navy."

Nathalie Loiseau of the French Embassy in Washington criticized Owens for what she said was "uselessly practicing French bashing for the purpose of playing politics."

Who says they are useless? It made me laugh. :whistling