I believe I am depressed

[Fierce Critter]

Others seem to think I am, too.

I'm just venting here. Input is welcome, but I'm pretty good at self-analysis, and generally KNOW what needs to happen to "fix" myself. I am just at a point where I can't seem to act on any of that knowledge.

The thing is, I was seriously depressed a majority of the time we were living in North Carolina. I thought that once I got back to Michigan, that would lift entirely and everything would be normal again.

But things haven't improved - much.

In fact, many things have gotten worse. My activity level has almost entirely dropped. I do enough to get by - keep laundry done, do dishes, cook dinner, grocery shop, etc.

But other than that, I'm having a hell of a time getting motivated. It's one reason my activity on DGN has severely sloped off. I either feel like I'm not interested in it or I feel guilty that it's about all I can bring myself to do. I've had to take "hiatuses" from DGN in the past when I've gotten this bad.

Before we moved to NC, things were fantastic. I had my eBay business going full-steam, working at some aspect of it 6 days a week, sometimes 7. I kept a beautifully clean apartment, cooked fantastic meals, made Jon breakfast before he went to work, etc. I was almost NEVER online because I had no TIME for it. It was fantastic.

Once we moved to NC - and still - the house is constantly trashed to the point where I cannot let people in. I cook a LOT more "warm-up" type food than I ever have before. I have let my appearance go to hell. I feel and look terrible. The only time I "fix up" is when you see me at City Club, or if I have to meet someone for something.

I dunno. Maybe it's time to see someone about it. I can't seem to get myself to do things that I, as a pretty smart & self-aware person, know might help. Such as exercise. I went so far as to spend $$ on a Dance Dance Revolution game & game pad with the thought that it would be the type of exercise I could actually get into consistently to help boost my metabolism. But it's sitting here unused.

You know what sounds like a perfect day for me? Wake up at 1-2:00 p.m. Stay in bed & pet cats & watch shows I taped while sleeping. Throw in a DVD and watch it. Feed animals. Scrape some dinner together. Go back to bed & watch TV until 3-4:00 a.m. Go to sleep, repeat.

I'm not quite that bad - yet. My sleep patterns really are that f'ed up. And I try to get at least one thing done each day, whether that's laundry, dishes, pay bills, etc. But I really do wish I could stay in bed and watch a DVD instead. I'm only not because I have a husband and pets to take (bare minimum) care of.

Sigh. A t-shirt I saw describes me perfectly. I'm a super-hero without super powers or motivation. =(

[bean]

Hun, you're depressed. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. I've been there and am there, so I know how it is. Life is tough and sometimes our brains go a little goofy and make things more difficult. I hope things get better for you!

[ManicQueen]

I think finding someone to talk to will help you out a lot. Hell, I've got an appointment with a psychiatrist in a few days for myself. =)

[Lilith]

Well i have been pretty depressed my self lately! I think allot has to do with the weather, and the lack of sun light. As i have said before i have had a counselor tell me to go tanning to absorb the light, i am sure a change to some Light bulbs designed for plants and such in the home would help as well. Our skin/bodies need some of the light and rays the sun give off just like many plants and animals do.

For me as of late i have been forcing my self do things in used to enjoy that are silly, i stopped looking at the horrible mess that invades my kitchen and living room, and stopped focusing on why and what i need to do that is so boring and started doing silly fun things to boost myself or just to make me laugh. They tire store had a huge snow man in front of it and i would wave to it every day and say HI SNOWMAN, and other in the car would look at me and I would be like what snow men have feelings too. the theory for me behind it was when as a teeny bopper we would wave at people (in a good way) for no reason and the funniest shit would happen that made me happy we always had an adventure so i thought why did have to end so i have been waving my bottom off at people and i get everything from the old lady who smiles big to the occasional asshole who flip me off but everything in between make me laugh allot and i amuse my self.

When i have the energy and omph to make a "good" meal i put my all in to it, and some how hearing the voice of the kids and hubby say “That was great or wow we have not had that in a long time” etc... fuel my desire to make another great meal.

I also see if i can recruit friends who don’t care how trashed my house is to help me untrash it, the fun we have while cleaning versus the mundane when alone helps me have a fun boost while getting things done that bring me down, and once those things are done it kinda brings me up to have them accomplished.

I reward my self for jobs well done, if i give my self an incentive even a secret one which seem to give me double the joy since i feel like i am pulling a trick out of my but, seems to help. ( i am not sure how to explain how this works)

My win amp gets loaded with FUN up beat music..... the kind of stuff that reminds me of those fun days long ago, the days where friends and i would just be hanging out and laugh at this or that get up and sing the song and move as they did in the videos.

I practice my moves for CC in my living room, i get goofy with it and have fun with no one watching me dance and being a jack ass.

I get dolled up for no reason; i say F-it and go pamper me. I take a hot bath, enjoy my soak, put on make up and cute cloths, think about the sparkle in some ones eye when they come in the door after work, then i do the laundry etc and hope the timing works that i am doing something mundane and productive while being "cute" when he walks in which seems to set him in a good mood which sets me in an even better one :whistling

As of late i have been tackling household tasks that would make me happy and really no one else, like my entire dresser top was horrid, a complete mess with make up and jewelry and other crap in a huge lumpy mess, i spent a selfish day and half organizing, wiping , dusting, Decorating MY things, my space, and it no only made the getting dolled up part easier, but i look over there see my fairies, my dried flowers, my silly shamrock bear etc.... all neat and tidy and it make me happy that i see my Trinkets and have the area free of extra clutter.

Years ago i did take medication and i would say that i may need it again, but with out insurance i have been forced to find other ways to deal and get over this and the above has helped. (ha i just remembered Insurance should have kicked in yesterday :peanutbutterjellytime )

I also have been trying to focus on the good thing i know which will come up soon, like Tax returns, a few friends are having babies, People i love are growing and learning and that makes me happy.

I don’t have a magic answer for myself i just know the above helps.

Critter,

If I had a million dollars

We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

But we would eat Kraft Dinner

Of course we would, we’d just eat more

And buy really expensive ketchups with it

That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!

Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

=)

[Homicidalheathen]

Well I am kinda glad to read this. I thought moving to NC would help me, maybe not. I thought maybe it was SAD but if you were depressed there too then maybe it is just stress? You seem to have allot of changes going on in your life right now.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Sounds like you are alone too much. The mind is a dangerous place. However, you do have a lot of self-awareness, and simply reaching out may help.

The Seasonal Depression thing I think plays a big part. Go sunning one day. JUST enought to get a little exposure. (I go like once a month to keep my skin issues under control (Blemishes, staff boils, etc...). - <Good for eczema as well>)

Plus it puts a slight pink in the cheeks!

You need to feel good about yourself. Letting yourself go will only make that spiral down even further. Force yourself to put on some eyes, or just even some lipstick. The effort alone can be good. AND boost the esteem a bit!

It can take a while to dig out of a slump. Take it one step at a time!

Being aware of your issue is the best and first step!

[Marblez]

If only you realized how similar we actually are in some ways.

Find something productive yet selfish to better yourself. Mine was the gym. Actually getting out and going to the gym.

Good luck finding what works for you.

[Saephyr]

Indeed. I must say my counselor has saved many a life.

[torn asunder]

all i have to add (and i know it sounds cliche & overly simplified, but i really believe this...)

as you think, so shall you be...

i know that's probably not too helpful for you, but that's exactly how i got past my depression - one day i just realized, "the only way this will ever change is if i decide that i'm going to live a happy, full, fun life. as of that day, (and i've got it written down in a journal - i can look it up if necessary!) ;-) i've not had one day of depressed thoughts/feelings. sure i've had my more mellow days, but not once have i felt the doom & emptiness i used to. remember, it's your world, you can make it whatever you want it to be. in fact, you're the *only* one who can. make the decision... make your life what you want. it can be done, i know because i've done it myself.

and now i'll shut up, because that just sounded worthless and like a bunch of hot air. my apologies... :erm :fear

[Fierce Critter]

I decided to leave a note for Jon to read when he got up this morning. Told him how I'm feeling and how that includes helpless, guilty, confused, etc. He left me a great note in return, and we'll start working on this together today.

He brings up a good point that I already knew I have to follow-up on. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism years ago, but I've never felt like the doctors I've seen were correctly gauging what med I need to be on and what doseage, so I'm not taking anything right now. I need to see an actual endocrinologist to have proper tests done (I've heard that simple bloodwork doesn't always properly mark what's up in this condition).

The meds alone, however, don't act like ephedra and jumpstart your metabolism. They help, but you still have to do things like MOVE. It all works hand-in-hand.

I really appreciate the feedback I'm getting here. I have read it all, re-read some, and will continue to read and re-read. I DO recognize the problem, but have been unwilling to admit to myself that I really probably am depressed. I feel LUDICROUS saying that, considering how seriously bad I was in NC. I really thought simply moving back to Michigan would be all it would take. Again, I know it has helped some - I can say without a hint of false drama that I believe NC eventually would have killed me. The depth of my misery there was bottomless. Back here where I have friends, family, places to go, things to do, I can at least see some potential light there.

Just a matter of finding my way to it.

HH - I seriously, seriously recommend against someone of your vibrance & activity level moving to a place like North Carolina. This is coming from someone who WANTED to move there at one time - as did my husband. We both thought it would be the perfect mix of outdoors (Ocean AND mountains? SCORE!), peaceful living, etc. yadda. It would take a whole 'nother thread to go over what made it an absolutely DREADFUL place to live, and maybe as some venting therapy, I'll start one later. I'm sure people like Onyx will be able to back me up in what I'd describe.

Anyway, off to check the bank account and get some laundry going. Bare minimum.

[Onyx]

Definitely the first order of business is to find a good doctor you can trust and get that thyroid thing treated correctly. It is really entirely possible that is the whole problem. I had a bad case of anemia, didn't know it and suffered through the blackest mood of my life. It was a horrible time, to have that on top of my natural tendency to depression. It is frightening even thinking back to that time.

Reading this made me cry. I am in a place so similar to NC as far as nothing to do, hyper-religious ignorant closed-minded hateful people (sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread, but I do so very much understand what you are saying about NC). I do feel like this place is literally killing me. I don't think I really need meds right now - I just need to move where I can have friends and things to do. Just the few hours I steal away on the weekend aren't enough.

Funny how so many think NC and places like it sound like heaven and when you get there it's so much closer to hell for people like us.

[JaneDead]

good to know that you have jon to support/help you through this. not all spouses are so willing to understand this and help the person they are with.

[also good point on the hypothyroidism, i often wonder if it is part of *my* own problems like this. most days i feel like you do - i'd rather stay in bed and watch tv and just throw some food together for the everyone and then not do much else. :( not that i actually FEEL that i feel "unhappy" i just feel like you described. feel sluggish, unmotivated, overly tired, sleep weird, exhausted after doing just a little bit.. etc. and no idea why... hope you figure it out! and maybe once you do i can use what you find out to help me other days though i feel just like torn described. i just don't *Think* that way and then i don't *feel* that way. but sometimes i wake up and it is just *there* and i don't seem to have a choice.]

i understand how you feel critter, just don't know why. just do what you can to fix it so you feel good again!

[Steven]

I think all of us can relate to this one Critter.

These last few weeks I've been battling depression as well....and that is a strange (and admittedly a little frightening) situation for me, because I'm sort of a chronic "Glass is half full kind of guy". I'm not used to fighting this off, it is strange territory for me.

I'm sure there are many reasons for it, the winter, the lack of sunlight, heavy atmosphere at work (I work for the uncle of the woman reporter taken hostage), too many hours at work, financial stress, too many cigarettes (always make me feel shitty - I have a love/hate relationship with Marlboro) and general exhaustion.

But I also know that the bottom line is that I have to make some immediate changes. I'm on my way out the door to take down a large banner in downtown Detroit. And I was stupid for taking on this extra work, because I'm tired. We need the money but I also need my rest, I aint 21 anymore. So I told Laura this morning that this was it - no more long ass workweeks, which she supports.

I have to get my ass back on the bowflex too.

I've lost about 12 pounds lately just from chainging my diet - but I've platued......and I dont work out because I'm too tired, and I'm too tired because I'm over committed and/or out of balance with my commitments. And I'm out of balance because I've made some bad decisions. But I have to reach higher int the health department....because I'm feeling the effects of not doing it.

I also have to get back into church. Getting over busy has kept me home trying to catch up on rest. For me, church centers me, refuels my tank, and motivates me. When I lesson its priority, it quickly reflects in my life. I simply dont live as well.

Try to keep it simple Critter, and give yourself some room. If the house is overwhelming - commit to (and write down your accomplishments) one room or project at a time. Trying to change everything at once leads to more depression. There was some great advice from other posters in here too...

I think you are a very talented and wise woman. Obviously Jon thinks so too. Glad your doing this thing togethor and that you can communicate back and forth on it. Laura sometimes has to wrestle me back into reality from time to time, as I have a tendency to overstretch myself for long periods of time. We had a family counselor over to the house the other night who's been helping us with some family drama (in laws). At one point this gal asked me "what do you do to reward yourself Steve? What do you give back to yourself?"

And I just sat there with nothing to say. I could not think of anything, it has been that long. No wonder I'm fighting depression. The tank is empty.

God Bless You Critter.

Steven

[Guest Megalicious]

Others seem to think I am, too.

I'm just venting here. Input is welcome, but I'm pretty good at self-analysis, and generally KNOW what needs to happen to "fix" myself. I am just at a point where I can't seem to act on any of that knowledge.

The thing is, I was seriously depressed a majority of the time we were living in North Carolina. I thought that once I got back to Michigan, that would lift entirely and everything would be normal again.

But things haven't improved - much.

In fact, many things have gotten worse. My activity level has almost entirely dropped. I do enough to get by - keep laundry done, do dishes, cook dinner, grocery shop, etc.

But other than that, I'm having a hell of a time getting motivated. It's one reason my activity on DGN has severely sloped off. I either feel like I'm not interested in it or I feel guilty that it's about all I can bring myself to do. I've had to take "hiatuses" from DGN in the past when I've gotten this bad.

Before we moved to NC, things were fantastic. I had my eBay business going full-steam, working at some aspect of it 6 days a week, sometimes 7. I kept a beautifully clean apartment, cooked fantastic meals, made Jon breakfast before he went to work, etc. I was almost NEVER online because I had no TIME for it. It was fantastic.

Once we moved to NC - and still - the house is constantly trashed to the point where I cannot let people in. I cook a LOT more "warm-up" type food than I ever have before. I have let my appearance go to hell. I feel and look terrible. The only time I "fix up" is when you see me at City Club, or if I have to meet someone for something.

I dunno. Maybe it's time to see someone about it. I can't seem to get myself to do things that I, as a pretty smart & self-aware person, know might help. Such as exercise. I went so far as to spend $$ on a Dance Dance Revolution game & game pad with the thought that it would be the type of exercise I could actually get into consistently to help boost my metabolism. But it's sitting here unused.

You know what sounds like a perfect day for me? Wake up at 1-2:00 p.m. Stay in bed & pet cats & watch shows I taped while sleeping. Throw in a DVD and watch it. Feed animals. Scrape some dinner together. Go back to bed & watch TV until 3-4:00 a.m. Go to sleep, repeat.

I'm not quite that bad - yet. My sleep patterns really are that f'ed up. And I try to get at least one thing done each day, whether that's laundry, dishes, pay bills, etc. But I really do wish I could stay in bed and watch a DVD instead. I'm only not because I have a husband and pets to take (bare minimum) care of.

Sigh. A t-shirt I saw describes me perfectly. I'm a super-hero without super powers or motivation.

  =(

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know exactly how you feel. Atleast you can talk to Jon. It seems that the one person I comunicate with, I cant comunicate with enless we are fighting. And with no outlet, I cant drink, cant smoke, cant paint, cant cut, I feel like most of the time Im just lossing my mind FC. I find it hard to even get out of bed let alone go out side. I have no one to talk to here, my family and friends are 2,000 miles away, I have no animals. I really dont have anything. Im just waiting for myself to completly break-down just for the relief of feeling something. anything at all. I probably have an hour of dialouge a day, other then that the day is spend in my head, thinking of all the different ways that "accidents" could happen. I really quiet sick of it. I wouldnt really call this living in any terms ... nor is it peaceful as death. I guess you could say its some fucked up version of limbo.

[Fierce Critter]

I feel for you, Meg.

I myself, however, am not actually sad, and far from suicidal.

Limbo describes me well. I'm just - nothing. No ups, no downs.

[Draco1958]

Meg, I can really empathize with you. Been going thru that for a few years now. If you or FC just need to rant and vent, PM me. I do understand and who knows, we may find a common ground that will allow us to help each other and not know it. Sometimes clarity comes from chaos. And I'm sure I have a spare stuffed animal in storage I can let you have for those days you need to hug on something.

[saechalyn]

Limbo describes me well. I'm just - nothing. No ups, no downs.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have a little saying that the worst thing about depression isn't that there are no answers, but that there are no questions. At least that's how I feel sometimes, when I have no motivation to do anything more than drag myself through the day- nothing is wrong, I'm not sad or angry or upset in any way, I just have no motivation and take no joy in anything.

I think Lillith has some great suggestions. Those are the same kinds of things that lift me up; silly small things to make myself laugh, a hot bath, or just doing something small and selfish that is just for me.

I hope things turn around for you Critter. I'm glad you have Jon and that he is being supportive.

[Fierce Critter]

I've been seeing an advertisement on TV for the Institute of Health's depression study. I called them today, and was transferred to voice mail. I left a message.

At this point, I'm willing to try just about anything. But if this is just a means of pushing heavy meds on people without taking more subtle steps first, I'll probably pass. I don't know that I'm that bad - yet.

[Fierce Critter]

I called them. I have an appointment for next week Wednesday.

It's all talk first. I'll tell them right up front that if this is strictly pushing meds on me without counseling, I'm not interested.

[Steven]

I called them. I have an appointment for next week Wednesday.

It's all talk first. I'll tell them right up front that if this is strictly pushing meds on me without counseling, I'm not interested.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good for you babe, very healthy attitude.

Everybody needs a littel help once in awhile. Aint no shame in that. be good to you.

Steve

[Lilith]

I called them. I have an appointment for next week Wednesday.

It's all talk first. I'll tell them right up front that if this is strictly pushing meds on me without counseling, I'm not interested.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

please let us know how this goes, and if you dont mind if it works well and is not all B.S. could you post a phone # or link.

Thank you =)

[Fierce Critter]

Will do, Lilith.

The more I look at my family history, the more I believe I may definitely be on the "chemical imbalance" area of depression.

I basically have become my mother. And for as long as I can remember - she doesn't cook. She barely cleans. She sits and watches soaps all day long. She goes out - reluctantly. She's incredibly negative, etc.

This has gotten worse after my brother died. And with every sister she's lost.

But in retrospect, she's always been this way.

And I'm resembling her WAAAY too much these days for comfort.

I have another relative on meds & counseling for YEARS - and it helps her tremendously.

I can think of one or two others who could benefit from something - counseling, meds, both, whatever.

I just know I no longer can do anything about this myself. If I don't like this study approach, I'll sell enough eBay monthly to pay the copay for outpatient counseling. I won't just sit here and let it happen "to" me anymore.

[bean]

I hope the study works out for you..just remember to ask a lot of questions about it so you know for sure what you are getting into. If that doesn't work out, it would be well worth it to pay for counseling. Sometimes all we need is for someone who is unbiased to tell our problems to, to just let out everything that we are thinking/feeling. You may not even need medication, but it does seem as though depression runs in your family, so if it was passed on to you, you have no control over that and it's something you can't take care of on your own. I'm not a big fan of medication, but it is sometimes needed, along with therapy. I don't believe in medication without therapy. I hope things improve for you and wish you the best.

[Lilith]

Will do, Lilith.

The more I look at my family history, the more I believe I may definitely be on the "chemical imbalance" area of depression.

I basically have become my mother. And for as long as I can remember - she doesn't cook. She barely cleans. She sits and watches soaps all day long. She goes out - reluctantly. She's incredibly negative, etc.

This has gotten worse after my brother died. And with every sister she's lost.

But in retrospect, she's always been this way.

And I'm resembling her WAAAY too much these days for comfort.

I have another relative on meds & counseling for YEARS - and it helps her tremendously.

I can think of one or two others who could benefit from something - counseling, meds, both, whatever.

I just know I no longer can do anything about this myself. If I don't like this study approach, I'll sell enough eBay monthly to pay the copay for outpatient counseling. I won't just sit here and let it happen "to" me anymore.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

With out insurance (cause our crappy new insurance does not cover this stufff and allot of insurances will only cover a low set # of visits a year) our counselor charges us $30 a visit and our last visit was 2 hours.

:blink :blink :blink

If the study does not work well allot of couselors will work on a slidding scale and adjust rates per your income.

just a tip i recently discovered

[Steven]

I hope the study works out for you..just remember to ask a lot of questions about it so you know for sure what you are getting into.  If that doesn't work out, it would be well worth it to pay for counseling.  Sometimes all we need is for someone who is unbiased to tell our problems to, to just let out everything that we are thinking/feeling.  You may not even need medication, but it does seem as though depression runs in your family, so if it was passed on to you, you have no control over that and it's something you can't take care of on your own.  I'm not a big fan of medication, but it is sometimes needed, along with therapy.  I don't believe in medication without therapy.  I hope things improve for you and wish you the best.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have to respectfully and cautiously disagree with you here in part on this one...but bear in mind that all situations are individual......(I'll try to be concise)

My wife comes from a family of medicated people.

Anxiety/Panic Attack's

Chrones Disease/ulcers

Manic Depression

and - her father had to be institutionalized at Eloise and given shock treatments, etc.

Her sister has it, her nephews have it. All are heavily medicated and are on the constantly roller coastering ride of switching meds when one type no lnger works.

Laura too (many years ago now) had it.

And was medicated. As is understandable.

She have breakdowns and panic attacks constantly where she was sure she was dying, or simply never want to get out of bed because she had shut down. We went thru this for a couple of years. It was very difficult. It grew worse and worse.

After some time she decided that she hated being medicated, hated what it (the meds) did to her, hated the part of herself that she lsot through meds, and HATED living a lifestyle that tagged her as unable to function without chemical assistance.

So we went searching...and searching...and searching......

we did alot fo ditch digging, beleive me, both of us.

We took a multi-phase approach that has worked for over ten years now - no meds, none at all, and no more panic attacks or bouts of depression.

1) Counseling - individually for her (originally) and then as a couple. Increase the quality of your life, increase your intimacy, learn to work as a team to cut out thigns that bring on anxiety and fear or faithlessness. Team Effort. this eventually moved onward to Christian based counseling, because we are christians and wanted a foundational aproach that we both could draw from. To exemplify this - even now, we have been seeing a liscensed Christian Counselor over the last couple of months (the first 6 weeks were free thru our church and the rest is very affordable) to help us deal with some recent family drama that has stirred up things. It has helped tremendously - mostly because thigns are dealt with as oppsed to just storing them up with everything else we have to deal with....

2) Nutrional. We found a medical doctor (an actual MD) that everyone said was a quack - because he treated the body with vitamin and mineral supplimentation and used homeopathic approaches. He did a special bloodtest and hair test on Laura (that regular doctors also call quakery) to look for specific deposits of bad elements in her system (via the modern world) and to look for low levels of neccessary nutrients. His approach was that you cannot just throw a bunch of vitamins at someone and say its good - because most people's system's ahve depeleted their natural abilites to absorb and or synthesize nutrients properly - which in turn creates multiple chemical IMBALENCES in the brain and other organs. Laura had high traces of mercury from old fillings in her teeth. We got rid of all of that and replaced it with porcelein. She had multiple problems absorbing certain minerals her body needed. And she had an overload of estrogen in her liver that needed to be flushed out. He put her on a clean out program to flush out the estrogen and warned me that she would lose her mind for a little while while her liver released all this stored up stuff. And----- she did. But she also got straightened out.

3) Faith based inner reflection. Were Christians, so thats what we used, but we went to work on digging thru our past (both of us) and dealing with our secret haunts, which everybody has. We learned to undo certain things. Forgive certain things, and shut some doors. There are many triggers in our heads just waiting for the right time to start causing havoc. To explore, expose, and understand those triggers deletes much of their power and secrecy - which creates a degree of control, which in turn creates a degree of peace.

Laura and I are not perfect and life is not perfect and we have problems like anyone else. But we also do not rely on pharmecuticals anymore, nor do we buy into the beleif that we are simply "predisposed" and therfore powerless. Predisposition is a fact. Powerlessness.....is a popular (and profitable mind you) trend.