Punk rocker jokes

[soothsayer]

**** I DID NOT WRITE THESE!! ****

1) Q: If a Punk and a Skin are in the back of a car, who's in front? A: A cop.

2) Q: An apartment building in California has Skins living on the first floor, Punks on the second, and Hippies on the third. One day a big fire burns the building to the ground. Who survived? A: The Skins. They were at work.

3) Q: How many Punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 3. 1 to screw it in and 2 to argue about who did it first.

4) Q: How many Punks does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, Punks can't change a thing.

5) Q:How many Straight-Edge kids does it take to drink a case of beer? A: One, if no one's looking.

6) Q:What has 8 arms and kills its girlfriend? A:Squid Vicious.

7) Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road? A: He was stapled to a chicken.

8) Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Five. One to do it and four to write a zine about it.

9) Q: How many Straight Edges does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they don't screw

10) Q: How many Rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 4. One to drop it and 3 to "pick it up!pick it up!pick it up!"

11) Q: How many Skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 10. 1 to screw it in and 9 to watch his back.

12) Q: How many skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, one to do it and one to film it.

13) Q: What do you call a skinhead fish? A: An Oi-ster.

14) Q: How many Punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 20. 1 to screw it in and 19 to call him a sellout.

15) Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they're all to depressed to do it.

16) Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 2 - 1 to screw it in and the other to kick the chair out from under him.

17) Q: How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 10. 1 to change the bulb and 9 on the guest list.

18) Q: How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 5. 1 to change it and 4 to pass out lyrics.

19) Q: What do you call a Punk without a girlfriend? A: Homeless.

20) Q: How many Punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Punks only screw in a puddle of vomit

21) Q: What's a Street Punk's favorite seafood? A: Crust-acean.

22) Q: How do you get a one-armed Punk out of a tree? A: Throw him a beer.

23) Q: How do you get a Punk out of a bathtub? A: Turn on the water.

24) Q: What do you call a Gutter Punk's weather-proofed home? A: A dry dumpster

25) Q: Where do you find all the Gutter Punks after a hard rain? A: In the sewer 'cause they've been washed down a drain.

26) Q: How many Riot Grrrls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. They just have the men do it for them.

27) Q: What do you call a bunch of Skinheads playing classical music? A: An Oi!chestra.

28) Q: Why do anarchists drink only herbal tea? A: Because proper tea is theft.

29) Q: What do you call the President's son if he's a Skinhead? A: The First B"Oi".

30) Q: What's the difference between a hippie and a trampoline? A: You take off your boots before you jump on a trampoline.

31) Q: What do you call a bunch of Skinheads at the bottom of the ocean ? A: A good start.

32) Q: Three drunken Skinheads jump off a roof. One Skin had been drinking Guinness, the second Fosters and the third Skin enjoyed Blatz. Which one hits the ground first? A: Who the hell cares?

33) Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 21. 1 to hold the lightbulb and 20 to drink until the room spins!

34) Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 3. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, one to kick the ladder out and one to laugh.

35) Q: How many punks does it take change a lightbulb?

A: 4. one to stand on a chair to screw it in, one to kick the chair out from him, one to say how punk rock that was, and the 4th to say, "shut the f--k up, mike"

36) Q: How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: one. they're all alone. or.....none. they like to sit in the dark.

or.....one hundred. 1 to put in a new one & drop the old one on the floor, and 99 to slit their wrists on the broken glass.

37) A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather and rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body areriddled with piercings and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart? Didn't you ever

do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah! Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and I f--ked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."

38) Two straight edge guys were out walking home from work one afternoon."S--t," said the first guy, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's underwear off!" "What's the rush?" his mate asked. "The f--king elastic in the legs is killing me," he replied.

39) A punk, A skin, and a mod walk into a bar. The bartender hands them each a beer with a fly in it. The mod turns the beer away. The punk just drinks the beer in spite of the fly, and the skin grabs the fly by the wings and yells " spit it out! spit it out you bastard!"

40) Q: What do you call a punk hitchhiker? A: Stranded.

41) Q: How many goths does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 2, one to do the work and the other to tell her how goth she is for doing it.

42) Q: How do you hide money from a Hippie?

A: Hide it under the soap.

43) Q: How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None– they light candles.

44) Q: How do you get a goth out a tree? A: Cut the rope.

45) Q: How do The Damned drink their Scotch? A: Neat Neat Neat.

46) Q: How many times does a skinhead laugh at a joke? A: Three...once when he hears it, once when it's explained to him, and once when he gets it.

47) Q: How do you wake up a Gutter Punk? A: Open the car door.

48) Q: How do you know when a Gutter Punk has been to your house? A: He's still there.

49) Q:How many Mods does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to change it and 3 to watch out for punks?

50) Q: What's so tragic about four ravers driving off a cliff in a Honda Civic? A: The car seats five

51) A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "either of you know how to starve a punk?" The priest looks at the rabbi, the rabbi looks back. They both shrug. "Hide his food stamps under his work boots!"

52) Q: How many Berkly Riot Girrls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2, one to screw in the light and another to say how much better it was than if a man did it.

53) Q: What kind of soap does a skinhead wash with? A: Oi of Olay!!!!

54) Q: What does a skinhead buy at the grocery store?? A: ChipsAoi!

55) Q: How does a (racist) skinhead tie his shoes? In little Nazis.

56) Q: How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5, One to screw it in and the rest to explain he's not a nazi cos he did it.

57) Q: What's orange and looks good on hippies? Fire.

58) Q: what does the bumper sticker on a skin's car say? A:

"My Boss was an Austrian Painter".

59) Q: Why was the Dead Boy groupie frigid? A: Cause she was below Zero

60) Q: Why did Stiv Bators cross the road? A: Cause he was f--king the chicken. (

61) Q: Why did the punk cross the road? A: Who cares? F--k you!

62) Q: How many goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: What does it matter? We're all gonna die anyway.

63) Q: What does a Vegan Skinhead Eat? A: SOI!.

64) Q: How can you tell a genuine punk band from a bunch of poseurs? A: The poseurs remember to bring their instruments.

65) Punk Definition of a Newbie: Anybody I didn't recognize at my first gig.

66) Punk Definition of True Love - when a punk gets down on his knees, holds your hand, looks you in the eyes, and asks if his band can sleep at your place tonight...

67) Q: What do you call punks who learn how to play their instruments? A: Sell-outs.

68) Q: What's the difference between a white power skin and a computer? A: You only gotta punch information in a computer once.

69) Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None! let them cry in the dark.

70) Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 3. One to screw it in, one to cry about it, and one to write a journal entry

71) Q: What is 300 ft long and has no pubic hair? A: the line outside a blink 182 show

72) Q: What does "emo" stand for? A: Ex-Members Of (

73) Q: What's 20 feet long and has no balls? A: The font row of a Promise Ring show.

74) Q: What's a shame about a bus load of skins going off a cliff? A: An empty seat.

75) A punk and a "normal" guy are walking down the street one day. The punk is in classic form; six inch blue liberty spikes, plaid bondage pants, leather jacket with band names scribbled all over it, etc. The normal guy turns to the punk and asks, "So just exactly what is punk anyway?" The punk emphatically replies, "Man, punk is doing whatever you want, whenever you want to and not giving a s--t what anybody else thinks...you see that

trash can right there?" The punk walks over to a nearby trashcan and kicks it over, spilling garbage all over the sidewalk. "That's punk." The normal guy ponders this as they continue to walk down the sidewalk. The next trash can they come to, the normal guy steps up and gives a kick, sending garbage flying everywhere. He turns to the punk, "So that's punk, huh?" The punk replies, "No, that's trendy."

[Rayne]

*stomps foot*

Why you gotta pick on me? :tear

I'm leaving!!!

[Rayne]

Okay, I'm back.

[Brenda Starrr]

Oh God.....

Would you believe that these are the first punk jokes that I have seen in my entire 40 years of life?

I know. Sad......

[torn asunder]

64) Q: How can you tell a genuine punk band from a bunch of poseurs? A: The poseurs remember to bring their instruments.

:laughing