Update on depression issues

[Fierce Critter]

For those who asked...

In the past week, I've been officially evaluated by both a research institute that tests medications and my former therapist as severely depressed. Unofficially, I took about 4 different depression evaluation questionnaires online, and got the same result every time - severe depression.

I opted out of doing the medication study because it was strictly for testing meds - it's aim was NOT my health & well-being, but to determine the effects of a test medication on depression symptoms. There was no counseling involved, and no regulation of the amount of medication given - if any. I could have ended up under- or over-medicated - or not medicated at all.

So I have gone to see my former therapist. She strongly believes I should try medication, based on family history, my symptoms, the amount of time I've been suffering, etc. She's not a psychiatrist, so I have to follow-up with someone who can write prescriptions.

I have an appointment with an MD for Thursday the 2nd, next week. I asked the receptionist if the doctor I chose will evaluate & write prescriptions for anti-depressants based on information from my therapist, and she said yes. So I'll be re-tested for stuff like thyroid, but will also start on some kind of medication.

Jon has been on Effexxor XR for 4 years for depression-based anxiety. We think it's a good medication to start with, as it's non-addictive and non-sedating. He had severe symptoms and never needed to go above the starter doseage. Hopefully, I'll have as good results so we won't have to play the medication roulette game too much.

In the meantime, we're going to be taking things easy for a while. I'll be staying off DGN for the most part, as I need to re-evaluate what is and isn't good for me. I might update this thread - and this thread only - as a type of sounding board/livejournal for what it's like to go through this. If and when I return fully, which probably won't be until I'm actually on meds, I'll probably handle what I post and respond to very differently than I have in the past.

Same thing with City Club. Jon and I both are going to take an extended break from it. If the mood strikes us and we just have to go, we will. But I think, for a while, we're going to check out some of the "simple pleasures" of home and revisit some of the other clubs I used to go to before I met Jon.

What we do will very much depend on how I adapt to the effects of the medication. When Jon first started on Effexxor, his first week or so left him kinda zoney. Then, almost like a switch going on, everything got better. I'm hoping it's that simple for me. My therapist said it should be.

Consulting with my therapist was enlightening. Amongst other things, I kinda figured out that one of the reasons I probably drink more than I really want to at CC is because of my general inability to feel "enjoyment" right now. Without the giddiness alchohol gives me, I just really feel... nothing. I don't drink at home for the most part, but home, I have my own "addictions" that keep me from being totally catatonic. Including message boards :whistling, Arkanoid, and - unfortunately - shopping.

And ER reruns.

I'm looking forward to taking actual joy in things again. An anally-organized home. Well-groomed pets. Delicious home-cooked meals. Crafts. Music. My eBay "work" and the fruit$ it brings. EVERYTHING. I'm looking forward to being able to think straight, focus, and apply myself. I so miss motivation.

Thankfully, I have the love of a wonderful man - one of the few things I've managed to be able to still feel for the past 4 years of living in this hell of vacant ennui. Without that, I think I might not have made it through this.

Thanks, those who have expressed interest and/or concern about me through this. I really look forward to seeing & speaking with you all when I'm "myself" again. =)

[Guest Megalicious]

Good luck FC. I know you said you would post every now and then in this thread to let us know how your doing ... I have one thing to say YOU BETTER lol :grin

[Brenda Starrr]

=(

Good luck, FC.

[honeymustard02]

I wish you the best of luck and good health.

I like your posts and hopefully when you are back at the top of you game you'll be around :-D If just once in a while.

[bean]

Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

[Head Wreck]

good luck!

i'll see you about

[kellygrrrrrl]

I understand that you need to get things together and re-focus on other things, but your posts will certainly be missed.....

I personally have found enlightenment in YOUR posts.

You write with passion and it is so well written. Your posts/responses in the past have helped me in ways you probably don't even know about....and others I'm sure.

Well, ta-ta for now......hoping that everything goes as smoothly as possible.

[Shade Everdark]

As someone who is going through some of the same motions right now, FC, I hope it works out for you.

[Steven]

For those who asked...

In the past week, I've been officially evaluated by both a research institute that tests medications and my former therapist as severely depressed. Unofficially, I took about 4 different depression evaluation questionnaires online, and got the same result every time - severe depression.

I opted out of doing the medication study because it was strictly for testing meds - it's aim was NOT my health & well-being, but to determine the effects of a test medication on depression symptoms. There was no counseling involved, and no regulation of the amount of medication given - if any. I could have ended up under- or over-medicated - or not medicated at all.

So I have gone to see my former therapist. She strongly believes I should try medication, based on family history, my symptoms, the amount of time I've been suffering, etc. She's not a psychiatrist, so I have to follow-up with someone who can write prescriptions.

I have an appointment with an MD for Thursday the 2nd, next week. I asked the receptionist if the doctor I chose will evaluate & write prescriptions for anti-depressants based on information from my therapist, and she said yes. So I'll be re-tested for stuff like thyroid, but will also start on some kind of medication.

Jon has been on Effexxor XR for 4 years for depression-based anxiety. We think it's a good medication to start with, as it's non-addictive and non-sedating. He had severe symptoms and never needed to go above the starter doseage. Hopefully, I'll have as good results so we won't have to play the medication roulette game too much.

In the meantime, we're going to be taking things easy for a while. I'll be staying off DGN for the most part, as I need to re-evaluate what is and isn't good for me. I might update this thread - and this thread only - as a type of sounding board/livejournal for what it's like to go through this. If and when I return fully, which probably won't be until I'm actually on meds, I'll probably handle what I post and respond to very differently than I have in the past.

Same thing with City Club. Jon and I both are going to take an extended break from it. If the mood strikes us and we just have to go, we will. But I think, for a while, we're going to check out some of the "simple pleasures" of home and revisit some of the other clubs I used to go to before I met Jon.

What we do will very much depend on how I adapt to the effects of the medication. When Jon first started on Effexxor, his first week or so left him kinda zoney. Then, almost like a switch going on, everything got better. I'm hoping it's that simple for me. My therapist said it should be.

Consulting with my therapist was enlightening. Amongst other things, I kinda figured out that one of the reasons I probably drink more than I really want to at CC is because of my general inability to feel "enjoyment" right now. Without the giddiness alchohol gives me, I just really feel... nothing. I don't drink at home for the most part, but home, I have my own "addictions" that keep me from being totally catatonic. Including message boards  :whistling, Arkanoid, and - unfortunately - shopping.

And ER reruns. 

I'm looking forward to taking actual joy in things again. An anally-organized home. Well-groomed pets. Delicious home-cooked meals. Crafts. Music. My eBay "work" and the fruit$ it brings. EVERYTHING. I'm looking forward to being able to think straight, focus, and apply myself. I so miss motivation.

Thankfully, I have the love of a wonderful man - one of the few things I've managed to be able to still feel for the past 4 years of living in this hell of vacant ennui. Without that, I think I might not have made it through this.

Thanks, those who have expressed interest and/or concern about me through this. I really look forward to seeing & speaking with you all when I'm "myself" again.  =)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

God Bless you babe.

Your on my mind.

Steven

[JaneDead]

i will be thinking about you!

[Fierce Critter]

Went to the doctor today. Based on all the consultation I've done before seeing her and her evaluation of my symptoms, she agreed with a diagnosis of severe depression.

I have a prescription for Effexxor XR, starter dose of 37.5 mgs. I'll be filling it and starting it Saturday, so Jon can be with me in case I suffer any adverse side-effects.

Also getting re-checked for thyroid, trying a new allergy medication since my Zyrtec is failing me and treating a mild infection.

Nice to be back on a decent insurance plan. And the doctor I saw was great. Listened to me in detail, starting with very mild forms of treatments rather than going with extreme measures, etc.

Laying off things like DGN and clubs is having a calming effect, too. Been too much of a drama magnet lately and it's good to dissassociate myself from that sort of thing for a while. Most stress I've had in the past couple weeks was finding a good place to get paczki. :grin

Once I've been on the meds for a while, I'll check back in. It's kinda good for me to relate how things are going this way. I've never been good about keeping a journal. This is a good alternative, and maybe it'll help others.

See you in a few days. =)

[soothsayer]

Good luck FC. :clover

[Onyx]

Sounds good! A doctor who will listen and not go overboard on treatments is a great thing to find.

[Fierce Critter]

Saturday, March 4. Took my first Effexor XR (37.5 mg) around 2:00 today.

Thusfar, nothing bad. I doubt I'd see anything very noticeable this quickly anyway, as far as improvement. I've been told that it can take from 2-6 weeks to feel the effects of this kind of medication.

But at least I'm not feeling any of the negative effects Jon did when he first started taking it. That's what I was most concerned about.

Got a follow-up doctor visit in 2 weeks. She may increase the doseage if there's no noticeable improvement. That's pretty standard with this medication - 75 mgs is the general base doseage, with 150 being most prescribed.

I'll check back in if anything changes. I was in a good mood last night so spent some time on DGN in "drama-free" posts for the most part. I think that's going to be standard practice for me in the future.

[Steven]

proud of you.....

[Brenda Starrr]

Way to go, FC.

[pharoh]

Saturday, March 4. Took my first Effexor XR (37.5 mg) around 2:00 today.

Thusfar, nothing bad. I doubt I'd see anything very noticeable this quickly anyway, as far as improvement. I've been told that it can take from 2-6 weeks to feel the effects of this kind of medication.

But at least I'm not feeling any of the negative effects Jon did when he first started taking it. That's what I was most concerned about.

Got a follow-up doctor visit in 2 weeks. She may increase the doseage if there's no noticeable improvement. That's pretty standard with this medication - 75 mgs is the general base doseage, with 150 being most prescribed.

I'll check back in if anything changes. I was in a good mood last night so spent some time on DGN in "drama-free" posts for the most part. I think that's going to be standard practice for me in the future.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I was on effexor for about a year, the only thing you will need to worry about is what I call the zaps.....if you forget a pill for like a day or two, your well feel wierd and your face feels like it's tingly when you move it, and maybee a headache.....at least thats what I felt when I went without, I do suggest when you decide to come off of it that you do the stepdown method, which is you keep lowering the dosage till your off it....I quit it cold turkey and it was a rough couple weeks to say the least.

Also the only side effect I had while I was taking it was cotton mouth, but the zaps is pretty universal when your are sufferring from withdrawl. I still have some websites on it if you want them pm me

[Dollardave]

Try to get on xanax hon it works good it makes me cranky though, but thats cuz I take 210 vicodin a month probably. Lets just say I got an addiction problem but if I didn't take it you wouldn't be seeing my high quality posts.

[Fierce Critter]

Well, what a week it's been.

Thusfar, I'm not seeing any change on the 37.5 mg doseage of Effexxor XR. I follow-up with the doctor later this week, and she'll probably have to bump me up to 75 mgs.

The only change I'm feeling is I'm getting back to better sleeping habits. Getting actually tired & ready to sleep around 1:30 a.m. at the latest, and waking up closer to 11:00 a.m. or earlier. That's been great.

I lost my cousin/godfather to cancer this past Monday. Went to the funeral home Wednesday, and it was really hard. I really loved this guy, and hadn't been able to see him alert before he died. At one point, I just took myself to the bathroom and once it was empty, just let loose with loud, ugly crying.

The funeral was Friday, and it was agony. I'm pretty empathic when it comes to strong, emotional situations like that, and it's very very hard for me to control myself. Had to keep fighting tears so I wouldn't make a spectacle of myself - I get to feeling like I'm drawing attention to myself and it's not fair to the immediate, grieving family. I feel the fool, so I stifle myself as much as possible.

But it was so hard. The Catholic funeral - especially a POLISH Catholic funeral - is an exercise in intense grief. Seeing the body in the casket, seeing the casket closed up, seeing the family (widow & children) look upon their loved one for the very last time as the casket is closed up, then the funeral mass, then the procession to the cemetery, then the rites at the cemetery itself - it's pretty intense.

Add to that this guy was VERY VERY popular. The mass itself was the usual intensity. But add to it the exit procession, which was very uniquely led by an actual bagpiper - OMG - I couldn't take it. I lost it completely.

Then, at the cemetery, there was a contingent of VFW members (Connie served 2 years in Vietnam, where he was exposed to Agent Orange, a possible cause of his cancer), who gave him a 21-gun salute, and played taps, and again the bagpiper, and Polish funeral hymns. It was so hard to take.

And that morning, I had come down with what I thought would be a mild cold. So I wasn't feeling all that great.

The next day, the cold was much worse. I went through an entire box of Puffs Plus tissues. Damn my freakishly large sinus cavities (so discovered on a full-face dental x-ray, the techs had never seen anything like it.)

And Sunday, today, it moved into a different, but equally nasty form, now down into my chest. I've been miserable. Been a very, very long time since I had a cold this bad. And this after a 3-week long chronic allergy attack that had just been ebbing when this cold came on.

No, not a good week at all.

At least Jon has been taking very good care of me.

And I do believe the Singulair is working where Zyrtec has been failing me. It's controlling the allergy attack nasally, the worst of the symptoms I suffer. But one problem - it doesn't work on histamines, so I'm once again reacting negatively to cat scratches & my eyes are suffering, which Zyrtec did control. A dollar-store Benadryl tablet at night is helping with that, as are antihistamine eye drops. So I think at least I can look forward to allergy relief once again.

Back to bed.