The human ego

[Draco1958]

I like your ego, it's real big  :grin

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

On one hand I want to ask who this was meant for but on the other I don't cuz it's probably not me.... :grin

[Brenda Starrr]

i can honestly say i have not noticed people seeming to be 'clique-y' or whatever you wanna call it

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah. Where IS this "clique" that some speak of? There is no clique here. Some people just get along better with others. I get along with everybody. If I have something to say, I say it. I don't run with a pack, unless it's a pack of Marlboro Ultra-Light Menthols. Some people are either a bit sensitive or jealous.

[Shade Everdark]

Since being on DGN, I've experienced the following:

Someone(s) going out of their way to "fuck with me" and "press my buttons" just 'cause they enjoyed the resulting upset it caused me. (I've seen it done to others as well - glaringly obviously.)

Another person later admitting to me that they KNEW this was being done to me on purpose, yet did nothing, even though they were of some influence on the board. This person had been among several I had consulted directly about the conflict WHILE it was occurring, and they outright lied, telling me I was "seeing things that weren't there" - all the while knowing what was going on.

Meeting people in person after moving back to the area who admitted to me they had been advised "not to meet me in person" by person(s) who had never met me before themselves. Thankfully, some people can think for themselves and form their own opinions.

Meeting people who had previously had a negative opinion of me - again, based on the influence of someone else - who found they really enjoyed meeting me & were sorry they'd let someone else form an opinion for them.

People who have chosen not to associate with me due to the fact that I tend to take a "Switzerland" stance, trying to remain non-judgmental and associate with all "types" of people socially - on-board and in-person.

My choosing to keep a conflict private, and the other party going public in an effort to gain support, conveniently leaving out any details that might enable those who would judge to see both sides of the coin (the sort of thing Blackmail describes above).

People lying to others about the actions of another. Directly, blatantly, and in such a way that, again, the subject of the lie has no way to defend themselves.

Between-board cattyness & feuding that is nothing more than infantile Hatfield vs. McCoy BS unbecoming people who consider themselves mature & intelligent.

Racism, bigotry, prejudice, judgment, sexism (towards both women AND men), misogyny, classism, intolerance & other like behavior - FROM PEOPLE WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES SOCIAL OUTCASTS. The hypocrisy is astounding.

People blatantly and purposefully disrespecting others boundaries, whether they be regarding personal relationships, love-lives, marriages, needs, wants or peace of mind.

I could go on.

This sort of stuff hasn't gone on the entire life of this board. It has gotten worse over the years. It disgusts me, and for a long time now, I've felt that I should distance myself from it. What keeps me coming is the little bit of actual pleasant conversation I can weed-out once in a while, whether it be a polite political debate, information about good stores to shop at, support in a time of emotional need.

But in this most recent time I've spent mostly away from DGN, I've found I may not be doing myself any good exposing myself to the sort of things I described above. I'm seriously debating coming back full-speed ever again.

Are there cliques? I dunno. I know there are bands of people who know each other off-board due to shared activities, geographic location, that sort of thing. I know the sorts of things I describe above are often rife within cliques. Perhaps it's inevitable.

I do know one thing. DGN needs to grow up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a DGn kid.

[torn asunder]

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a DGn kid.

:laughing :laughing

[Lilith]

People are people

So why should it be

You and I should get along so awfully

People are people

So why should it be

You and I should get along so awfully

So we’re different colours

And we’re different creeds

And different people

Have different needs

It’s obvious you hate me

Though I’ve done nothing wrong

I’ve never even met you

So what could I have done

I can’t understand

What makes a man

Hate another man

Help me understand

People are people

So why should it be

You and I should get along so awfully

People are people

So why should it be

You and I should get along so awfully

Help me understand

Help me understand

Now you’re punching

And you’re kicking

And you’re shouting at me

And I’m relying on your common decency

So far it hasn’t surfaced

But I’m sure it exists

It just takes a while to travel

From your head to your fist (head to your fists)

I can’t understand what makes a man

Hate another man

Help me understand

People are people

So why should it be

You and I should get along so awfully

People are people

So why should it be

You and I should get along so awfully

I can’t understand

What makes a man

Hate another man

Help me understand

I can’t understand

What makes a man

Hate another man

Help me understand

I can’t understand

What makes a man

Hate another man

I can’t understand (people are people)

What makes a man (why should it be)

Hate another man

Help me understand...

Depeche Mode > People Are People

[Hellion]

:devil People who are Boaster's I also cannot stand.

[Lilith]

what defines boasting? Does it dpend on topic or a tone in the voice?

i never figured out what made one person seem boastful and another not. :erm

[Hellion]

what defines boasting? Does it dpend on topic or a tone in the voice?

i never figured out  what made one person seem boastful and another not. :erm

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:devil It means when a person says he is better than you because he has more things than you,for example:"I make more money at work than you do"I personally cannot stand people like this,Especially when they keep on talking about it.

[Lilith]

:devil It means when a person says he is better than you because he has more things than you,for example:"I make more money at work than you do"I personally cannot stand people like this,Especially when they keep on talking about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

so it's more of a tone or vibe they send out when speaking of any topic, maybe more of what they imply then what is beng said or talked about.

(dont mind me, i am not picking on you or any one i am just trying to answer some of my own questions that i have posed to myself, still trying to figure this whole life thing out, what my role is, correct some flaws with in myself)

[Guest Megalicious]

Being that I am a fan of psychology and more precisely human behavoir I have found it interesting to watch peoples posting habits here on DGN. Over the last few years I have noticed (as others have) there are people here that seem to stick together. Call it clique or whatever label you choose, it is none the less obvious.

I often ask myself how a group of people that show a higher level of intellect could behave in this manner. Is it insecuritiy? Or familararity? Or something as simple as the human ego. I will not mention names but there is more than a fare deal of ego stroking in the threads found here. It just stikes me as odd at times that people seem to need their ego boosted on a almost daily basis.

So I'd like to know what others here think about this subject.

This thread is not directed at anyone person although I realize there will be many here that will hate me for bringing this up.

Again: send your hate mail to my inbox or just ignore me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Great thread Soothy.

I have alot of experience with Ego's. I have seen both the HORRIBLE and the productive sides. And trust me sometimes it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INTELLEGENCE. Some of the stupidest people Ive had the dis-pleasure of knowing think that they are gods gift to the world. Cliques have nothing to do with ego either in my opinon. The ID (I'm sure your familar with the term) doesn't need to feel admired by a so called "clique", they are quite content with themselfs, because of course in their minds they are above, any and all.

But then again its good to have a mild sense of ego. If we didn't you would have no self worth at all ( like some people I have also have the dis-pleasure of knowing) .

People that need their ego's boosted on a daily basis don't have ego's at all. They just are attention whores. On both cases where I've come across an ID example, both people didn't need me (or anyone else for that matter) to justify just how wonderful they were, in their own minds. Any one who need that consent attention, has that clingy, smothering need to hear how great they are all the time doesn't have an ego, they have a need for reasurance. Which is a sickness.

[Guest Megalicious]

:devil People who are Boaster's I also cannot stand.

Necropost. This made me laugh.

[Homicidalheathen]

I second that.

Leggo my ego.

3rd that

I stand alone. Like the wolf. Or something. Wait. Wolves run in packs...

[Shade Everdark]

3rd that

I stand alone. Like the wolf. Or something. Wait. Wolves run in packs...

Like the cougar?

[torn asunder]

Like the cougar?

[asphyxian_doll]

Yeah. Where IS this "clique" that some speak of? There is no clique here. Some people just get along better with others. I get along with everybody. If I have something to say, I say it. I don't run with a pack, unless it's a pack of Marlboro Ultra-Light Menthols. Some people are either a bit sensitive or jealous.

There is a clique, and it takes an outsider to notice.

[asphyxian_doll]

Great thread Soothy.

I have alot of experience with Ego's. I have seen both the HORRIBLE and the productive sides. And trust me sometimes it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INTELLEGENCE. Some of the stupidest people Ive had the dis-pleasure of knowing think that they are gods gift to the world. Cliques have nothing to do with ego either in my opinon. The ID (I'm sure your familar with the term) doesn't need to feel admired by a so called "clique", they are quite content with themselfs, because of course in their minds they are above, any and all.

But then again its good to have a mild sense of ego. If we didn't you would have no self worth at all ( like some people I have also have the dis-pleasure of knowing) .

People that need their ego's boosted on a daily basis don't have ego's at all. They just are attention whores. On both cases where I've come across an ID example, both people didn't need me (or anyone else for that matter) to justify just how wonderful they were, in their own minds. Any one who need that consent attention, has that clingy, smothering need to hear how great they are all the time doesn't have an ego, they have a need for reasurance. Which is a sickness.

couldn't have said it better myself.

with that in all, this board is like any other,

the only difference is the theme, group of people, and moderating job.

I love it here,

but sometimes...the topics and opinions thereof can get really tedious just like any other board.

cliques...they do exist on here, but only to an observer.

I don't mind it,...its just something I'm aware of.

its widely common

that being said,

sooth...familiarity, ego, and insecurity all play equal roles here when applied to the subject at hand.

[SaGa]

cliques exsist, but the lines are under the floor, new people can join but to seek friendship with them is a different thing. its upto the person. just how a relationship is between 2 people can be a clique. you know the type, when there single there fun, but if they ever dated they really dont give a shit about anyone else, just boosting there status as a ego booster

hmm i think some people in relationships (not all just some) do see themselfs higher on the mountain of life.

[asphyxian_doll]

cliques exsist, but the lines are under the floor, new people can join but to seek friendship with them is a different thing. its upto the person. just how a relationship is between 2 people can be a clique. you know the type, when there single there fun, but if they ever dated they really dont give a shit about anyone else, just boosting there status as a ego booster

hmm i think some people in relationships (not all just some) do see themselfs higher on the mountain of life.

Maybe their happy?

I know you said not all just some...but you never know

[SaGa]

Maybe their happy?

I know you said not all just some...but you never know

happy can be a two edged sword. not all happy is based on a good soul.

[Miranda]

When some people on here get together on an often weekly basis you can't help but become friends especially when years go by. When new people join they have the opportunity to go to DGN events and to City Club and make their presence be known if they choose to do so. I haven't seen anyone ever excluded.

By clique maybe you mean people making reference to one another in posts by name and what not, that is just daily life. We are just communicating. Hell, If my good friend(s) were on here, I'd probably be doing the same. Wouldn't you? If she was posting from work and I was online too, I'd definitely joke around. I would always do my best to make others' feel comfortable though.

Even though I don't go to DGN gatherings , I still try to make new people feel welcomed. I've never felt excluded from anything as of yet.

[StormKnight (1)]

I would like to add my $0.02 to the base conversation.

It is human nature to be social, to collect in groups of like interests. I would think that it came from our ancient ancestors who grouped together for like interest (in their case, the like interest of survival.) That nature, carried out to it's modern equivalent, would be for like ideology (music, religion, politics, etc.) It is that attraction to certain like interests carried from aeons ago that is very much ingrained in our being.

That being said, it can be destructive/counterproductive in many respects. There is an "us vs. them" mentality from the same nature that can put us at odds with other groups for various differences. Those differences could be physical vs. ideologies. They have led to vicious and tragic history (race issues of the '60's, the vengeance the US went after Japan in WWII,) and slurs and name-calling on a grand scale (gooks, n*****, slants, the list goes on.)

However, the human being is also capable of rising above nature. To go against millions of years of almost complete social hardwiring to be better than we are. See people as what they are, and respect their beliefs, and try to find the common ground, even if all we have in common is the ability of being sentient. At least, it is a start or foundation to build on. Sometimes we fail; again being human, we can be prone to that. But it is also human that we keep trying.

So each one of us has a chance to rise above our nature. Trick is not to blow it and surrender to our natures.

[Destroit]

When some people on here get together on an often weekly basis you can't help but become friends especially when years go by. When new people join they have the opportunity to go to DGN events and to City Club and make their presence be known if they choose to do so. I haven't seen anyone ever excluded.

By clique maybe you mean people making reference to one another in posts by name and what not, that is just daily life. We are just communicating. Hell, If my good friend(s) were on here, I'd probably be doing the same. Wouldn't you? If she was posting from work and I was online too, I'd definitely joke around. I would always do my best to make others' feel comfortable though.

Even though I don't go to DGN gatherings , I still try to make new people feel welcomed. I've never felt excluded from anything as of yet.

Perfectly sums it up.

It's not a clique when everyone can be apart of it. People who aren't in this "clique" on DGN are either people who don't try to make themselves known by being social and posting or they either must be really THAT unpleasant (with the latter being more rare).

Myself for example. I came on here about a year and half, maybe what...like two years now? I knew NOBODY on here...PERIOD. Not a single soul. After highschool stopped and the Royal Oak Corner disbanded it left me thinking, "well what the fuck do I do for friends now?" I went to Google, literally typed in "Detroit goth" and DGN was the first page that popped up.

In the first year that I was here I made a HUGE amount of friends just by posting a lot. I've been told I'm likeable...even though I don't see how . During which time I sent RANDOM happy/odd/quirky PMs to people like Troy, which pleases Troy to get just random "Hey, how are you?" type PMs. I started talking to all the "main" so-to-speak people and just kept it to being myself. A year later I'm a moderator apparantly due to my likeableness and gung-ho "support DGN at all costs" attitude. That was some record timing, imo, taking only a year to not only become a part of the in-crowd but to land me a mod spot at the same time. Not bad if I do say so myself .

So around these parts, sure I guess there's a "clique" so to speak of people...but it's only because we've tried hard to be social with everyone else instead of just posting once and awhile.

Clubbing at CC also helps about 500 TIMES more than just posting on DGN alone. It's one thing to keep typing on your computer to people on the internet...but it's MUCH more of an impact if you meet those people in the flesh. I hate CC personally, but I go because I <3 DGN night. Go there, spot some faces, and rush up and say hi all drunk like.

An even BIGGER impact on our small society would be to attend the events because then it's pretty much JUST DGNers there and the whole point of them is for us to either meet eachother or hang out.

[Az_]

Being that I am a fan of psychology and more precisely human behavoir I have found it interesting to watch peoples posting habits here on DGN. Over the last few years I have noticed (as others have) there are people here that seem to stick together. Call it clique or whatever label you choose, it is none the less obvious.

I often ask myself how a group of people that show a higher level of intellect could behave in this manner. Is it insecuritiy? Or familararity? Or something as simple as the human ego. I will not mention names but there is more than a fare deal of ego stroking in the threads found here. It just stikes me as odd at times that people seem to need their ego boosted on a almost daily basis.

So I'd like to know what others here think about this subject.

This thread is not directed at anyone person although I realize there will be many here that will hate me for bringing this up.

Again: send your hate mail to my inbox or just ignore me.

It is human nature. Our species is a social species. We gather together in order to survive. Both in the wild and in social circumstances.

The means by which this occurs is via our empathic natures. This is enabled (perhaps) by Mirror Neurons (google them) which internalize the conditions and actions of others. When we observe someone doing or experiencing something our mirror neurons fire and relate the circumstances to our brain in such a way that we experience the actions as if we were doing them or experiencing them ourselves. Thats why when we see someone kicked in the cahones every guy in sight doubles over in pain.

Its not just for empathy though. The primary effect that evolution took from these neurons was the ability to learn and to teach. Because we can internalize what another is doing this enables us to learn far more rapidly than had been previously possible(incidentally humans are not the only species with these neurons).

So we are a social learning species. We empathize with each other and learn from each other. Our parents are (ideally) our primary teachers about our initial sense of the world around us. But as we grow and learn from more and more sources we begin to synthesize our own particular view of the world. And as we do so we do not just learn. Eventually we develop our own fully realized sense of the world via this process.

As we take pride in the things we learn we attempt to share the ideas we learn with those around us, particularly those we feel closest too. But as other people have formed their own views of the world as well they may exhibit resistance to the ideas that conflict with their world views. When we are met with such resistance we feel alienated. If we meet with enough such resistance we begin to feel isolated and cut off. For a social species this is not a comfortable way to go. Some may even begin to doubt their own particular world view and begin to adopt some of the other views instead.

If however we find people willing to listen to our world view and value it we feel encouraged. We feel valued. We feel part of a group. And that is of course a fine feeling for a social species to experience. Thus it is a natural tendency for people to find groups that reflect their particular view on matters. Even if their particular view is discord or rejection of social norms. There are always groupings even in groupings that despise grouping. Its human nature. And barring neurological differences it is to be expected in human beings.

[Rev.Reverence]

Like the cougar?

[Rev.Reverence]

It is human nature. Our species is a social species. We gather together in order to survive. Both in the wild and in social circumstances.

The means by which this occurs is via our empathic natures. This is enabled (perhaps) by Mirror Neurons (google them) which internalize the conditions and actions of others. When we observe someone doing or experiencing something our mirror neurons fire and relate the circumstances to our brain in such a way that we experience the actions as if we were doing them or experiencing them ourselves. Thats why when we see someone kicked in the cahones every guy in sight doubles over in pain.

Its not just for empathy though. The primary effect that evolution took from these neurons was the ability to learn and to teach. Because we can internalize what another is doing this enables us to learn far more rapidly than had been previously possible(incidentally humans are not the only species with these neurons).

So we are a social learning species. We empathize with each other and learn from each other. Our parents are (ideally) our primary teachers about our initial sense of the world around us. But as we grow and learn from more and more sources we begin to synthesize our own particular view of the world. And as we do so we do not just learn. Eventually we develop our own fully realized sense of the world via this process.

As we take pride in the things we learn we attempt to share the ideas we learn with those around us, particularly those we feel closest too. But as other people have formed their own views of the world as well they may exhibit resistance to the ideas that conflict with their world views. When we are met with such resistance we feel alienated. If we meet with enough such resistance we begin to feel isolated and cut off. For a social species this is not a comfortable way to go. Some may even begin to doubt their own particular world view and begin to adopt some of the other views instead.

If however we find people willing to listen to our world view and value it we feel encouraged. We feel valued. We feel part of a group. And that is of course a fine feeling for a social species to experience. Thus it is a natural tendency for people to find groups that reflect their particular view on matters. Even if their particular view is discord or rejection of social norms. There are always groupings even in groupings that despise grouping. Its human nature. And barring neurological differences it is to be expected in human beings.

+1^{(or5 depending on how you count it)}

Let your voice ring out!

Hail ERIS...etc...etc..