Sex

[bean]

I only trust studies that come from psychological journals, not magazines. You see, in my years slaving away towards my psychology degree, I had to write 10 research papers for 10 different psychology classes. In every single class, the professors specifically told us that we were to use psychological journals only and not magazines, and if we used magazines for our references/research, we would get an automatic “F” on our paper. Why? I will quote one of my professors.

“The studies you see in magazines are not completely accurate - they are mostly filled with biased fluff.”

How do you tell the difference between a psychological journal which contains scientific information and a magazine study? Psychological journals contain these big long documents that are mind-numbingly dry, are very technical, and are peppered with statistical data, and contain no advertisements. You will also find “journal” somewhere in the title: Journal of Applied Psychology, Journal of Abnormal Psychology, Journal of Neuropsychology etc. Magazine studies are found in *gasp* magazines, such as Men’s Health, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan, etc. These studies are interesting to read, are not very technical, and contain little to no scientific statistical data. There are also ads, everywhere. Every psychology professor teaches you the rule of thumb: If there are advertisements in it, it’s not a psychological journal and you really shouldn’t trust the study.

Now, you shouldn’t completely discredit what you read in magazines, but you should be very skeptical. When you’re reading these, you have no clue what sort of study was done, how long it lasted, what type of statistics were applied, etc. For all you know, the “study” could have been 3 questions asked to 20 people. Magazines can publish whatever they want. In psychological journals, everything must be included in the article - the type of study that was done, how many people were involved, measuring methods, etc. These articles are carefully scrutinized for errors before ever being published.

[torn asunder]

please answer these questions:

1)  Why did the study I read in mens health indicate that it is mostly unhappy people who engage in "deviant" sex acts?  I will track it down hopefully and post it here.

2)  Why do most of the people on DGN admit that it is unhappiness that leads them to these type of acts?

3)  Why do almost every sexual therapist I've seen talk or spoken to (aside from one that I can remember) advise against some of the things mentioned in this thread?  My uncle is a psychologist's who got his masters from the University of Michigan, hardly a lightweight....when I told him about DGN about a year ago and some of the stories he said "there is obviously a history of abuse of some form in these people's past".    Turns out, it's true.

4)  So how did he know that without knowing most of the people?

Also please do not misquote me anymore.  It's happened enough in this thread.

i have a question of my own, actually...

why do you feel a need to paint this issue with such a broad brush? yes, your statements appear to be true citing the specific criteria you are, but personally, the point i was trying to get across was that, while stereotypes obviously have some truth to them, making blanket statements about any of this seems a bit close-minded. sure, one might fall into the "unhappy" category you put them in, but is it your responsibility to decide that, because a lot of people are unhappy in it, that you should tell them not to/not reccommend they do so? i know a lot of people who are unhappy working a job to pay the bills - that doesn't mean i'm going to tell someone that they shouldn't get a job...

(hope this didn't come across too harsh, i'm just trying to make a point. if it did, let me know, and i'll see if i can reword it a little better) =)

[AstralCrux]

  Usually there is a female in a relationship who wants the man to be exclusive, however she stays with him and tolerates poly behavior rather than lose him altogether.

It seems it's usually the man's suggestion and usually solely benefits him.

I'm just not wired that way myself so I just can't comprehend how a man (or a woman) can be okay with sharing their partner.  If it's someone I'm emotionally close to the idea is heartbreaking to me.  It's really not a morals thing, seems to be just the way I'm wired.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Somehow, not intending to, I ended up in a psudopolyrelationship which truly can't even be defined. He wants to experience more of life, but he and I are so close it seems that we can't break the original bonds. It's against my own morals to cheat, but he on the other hand doesn't feel that he's experienced enough to be nearly ready- if he ever decides to- settle into an exclusive relationship.

On our bad days, we are there for each other. It's a feeling of safety to be with the person who knows you better than anyone else, someone you trust. Honesty, was a problem at one point, but now that we've both grown up some everything is in the open. There is love there, and yes, at times it hurts to not be in a monogamous relationship, but something in me says it might be worth the struggle in the end. However, that remains to be seen.

Yeah, the relationship really benefits him more than myself in the sense that he gets more action, but it's an up an down effect on emotional growth. In my case, I still get alot of the emotional support I want, which at one point was lacking- we worked through that, and really good sex. Could I live without him? Probably, but when you ask if I could imagine living the rest of my life without him- NO.