A Dedication to Mitch Hedberg

[The Rod]

Mitch Hedberg was a great comedian, and many including me were quite saddened at his passing at the age of only 37 just over a year ago. He touched my heart greatly, and will always be remembered. I made this thread as an attempt to "spread the love" and maybe introduce some new people to his comedy. As with any comedian though, some of the jokes are just not done justice unless you hear them spoken out loud, so I recommend you take a listen to him sometime, especially if you haven't heard him before. He was a stoner, a laid-back guy with a big heart that related to his audience on a personal level. We miss you man. RIP Mitch...

Some quotes (I apologize for the mild excess, I just couldn't stop myself):

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying, "We don't have to fix shit."

Man. I went to the doctor the other day. All this guy did was suck blood out of my neck. Never go to see Dr. Acula.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I was in a movie recently. I had a small cameo with Peter Frampton. We had to smoke fake pot in our scene. Do not buy pot on a movie set! But yeah, for this scene I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton. That's a cool story. It's as cool as smokin' real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton. And I done that waaaaaay more.

I use the word "totally" too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. "Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches?" "All-encompassingly."

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, YOU throw this away."

I like acid. Because of acid I now know that butter is way better than margerine. I saw through the bullshit.

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want them to, you know, I'm like, "Hey, wait, come back. Let me hold one of you...feed you a leaf."

I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got a hole-in-one ... but I *did* hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore," but I was too busy mumbling, "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him." I hit a guy in one. What's par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an asshole.

This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!"

I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summertime, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine: with grill marks."

If you drink O'Doul's, you're not drinking. But if you drink 20 O'Doul's in a half hour, you're a fuckin' non-alcoholic. Non-alcoholism is a problem, too; and there are symptoms, like when you fall down, it will always hurt.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

Acid really messes with your mind, man. When I was on acid, I'd see things that looked like beams of light... and I'd hear things that sound an awful lot like car horns...

I have long hair, and see, people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like 'an extreme longing for cake'. People would see a guy with long hair and say "damn, that fucker eats cake, he's on bundt cake". Mothers telling their daughters "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

My girlfriend works at Hooters... in the kitchen.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."

I used to play in a Death Metal band. People either loved us or they hated us... or they just thought we were "okay."

Some songs have a special meaning for a man in regards to a woman, but this can backfire because maybe the song had deeper meaning to begin with, but now it's been cheapened... "We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on givin'." "Remember that song, baby? The night I fucked you in the pet cemetery?"

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I've had the AIDS test four times. And that shit is scary, doesn't matter what you've been doing. So I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore; I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call up my friend Brian and say "Brian, do you know anyone that has AIDS? No? Cool. 'Cause you know me."

I was at a bar once, and no one was talking to me 'cuz I just did a show, and I ran into a guy, and instead of saying "Excuse me" he said, "Move." I thought that was rude so I said, "Go to hell," then I started to run. He caught me, though. He had on a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, a lip ring, two eyebrow piercings, a pair of sunglasses, a pony-tail, and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, man, you got a lot of nerve," and then I said "Hey, man, you have a lot of... cranial accessories." [crowd laughs] You guys are a smart crowd. When I do the dumber crowds, I have to say, "Hey, man, you got a lot of shit on your head!"

[The Rod]

Here's a page with some links to video clips of Mitch... I recommend the Comedy Central Presents clips:

Mitch Hedberg

[Brenda Starrr]

You are one of my new favorite people, Brian.

I loved Mitch!

[The Rod]

:blushing

[Nevaeh]

a couple of years ago, my friend bought me tickets to see him for my bday...

he is/was my favorite comedian...loved his humor. i'm sooo glad i got to see him

[Brenda Starrr]

a couple of years ago, my friend bought me tickets to see him for my bday...

he is/was my favorite comedian...loved his humor. i'm sooo glad i got to see him

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Gads, I'm jealous. We play him on our computer all the time. We have surround sound speakers. That way, we get him from all ends......

May he rest in peace.

[The Rod]

a couple of years ago, my friend bought me tickets to see him for my bday...

he is/was my favorite comedian...loved his humor. i'm sooo glad i got to see him

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I bow to you...

[Slept with ghost]

he was a very funny man

now if you will excuse me i have to take a shower and shave

does anybody have to use the bathroom?

[The Rod]

he was a very funny man

now if you will excuse me i have to take a shower and shave

does anybody have to use the bathroom?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's like some weird question where he reveals the answer first...

I have to shave TOO.

[JaneDead]

some of what he would say was really funny. other things were not as funny but the WAY he said it is what made it funny. he is one of my favorites for sure.

[JaneDead]

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."