Masocistic Personal Adds Here

[phee]

Just thought it would be fun to have people create a "fake" personal add for themselves, based upon the negative things that "X's" (or maybe current partners) have said/are saying about you.

Here is mine:

Amoral, Psycho, overgrown child, looking for meaningful relationship.

I am an unspiritual bad parent, who is prone to yelling at my significant others, and I am very lazy. I refuse to be useful and I have no common sense. I am very clingly and needy, and I refuse to give my lovers any space. I love to talk about movies/film/and TV.... and almost nothing else. I have large communication problems, and refuse to disclose anything about myself. I am also arrogent and believe I am never wrong (which is really cool cuz then the lucky lady doesn't need to think) I will ruin the best years of your life, punish you, and give you passive aggressive guilt trips.

I also have bad hair, and poor eating habits to add to the romance

Interested? :woot:

[gothicmom]

:laughing:

[Jarodaka]

I'm a 'good size' and emotionally unavailable. Drop me a message!

[Brenda Starrr]

Want an amazing blow job? I'm your girl!

I'm 5' 6 3/4" of pure annoying energy. I will want you to take me to dinner and show me a good time. I will want you to hike with me, whether you want to or not. I'm relentless, nagging, cute, and ask way too many questions (which I will expect you to answer). Into roleplaying, but can be a raging, premenstrual bitch. Does that blow job still sound good? Call me.

[Black Sunday]

ver 1.5

[Ginevra]

Direct to you from HIicksville, USA . . . .here's . . . . . . .Ginny! Ginny is frigid, cold, uncaring and is absolutely sure to put a cold spot in your day! She's selfish, a know-it-all, bossy bitch. The world evolves around her which answers the question of why the universe exists. She expects her potential Mr. Right to pay for everything even though she has a job of her own. She has no goals and no directon in life. If this sounds like your idea of a good time, you can contact her at blahblah@insertISPhere.com

[Daevion]

OMG lol!!!

[JaneDead]

lazy, unmotivated, "ain't what she used to be" hefty girl searching for someone to be dependant on.

i won't cook or clean - or at least that is what i have been told.

i seem to like selfish, self centered, immature men who put themselves first and could care less what anyone ever thinks or feels about what they do. so if that is you- you are my man!

if you don't like to communicate your feelings or thoughts and make everything all about you - you are probably my ideal mate! or i have dated you before!

must be TERRIBLE with money.

must be too busy for me.

and not listening or remembering anything i say is an ABSOULTE must.

[phee]

This is going splendedly yahoo!!!!

[Head Wreck]

hyperactive and desperate loon, prone to starting projects but hardly ever finishing, seeks equally emotionaly clingy woman who is patient and loving, puts up with male equivelent of pmt

[DisturbedMania]

Neurotic crazy bitch with unrealistic goals to save the world with a demented twist of perfectionistic qualities. Seeks someone to pay attention from time to time, but always spend all his time talking about himself and his own issues. (That's what ties my exes together) This bitch is good at blowjobs and does occasional cooking and cleaning, but don't hold your breath. You'll never know what she's thinking and nothing ever makes sense when she's around. You may loose everything you thought was real if she leaves you. :ermm: :whistling:

[SpidersMoment]

Slightly educated, lazy-ass redhead looking for a long-distance online romance.

I prefer the man (or woman, not picky) to be completely dominating. You must yell at me about going out and drinking with friends. You must accuse me at every moment of cheating.

I absolutly love it when you go psycho when i try to break up with you.

Looking ugly and having stupid screenames a Plus.

If your interested please email me, then message me on im, then call me all with a 5minute time-frame.

*ugh, im depressed now*

[fallennon]

LMFAO!!!! Okay, here's mine...and I'm actually putting A LOT of thought into this although I now think that Phee might be my soulmate...LOL

DO IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE:

conceited, high strung, needy and dependant hottie is looking for someone who is emotionally unavailable. Promises to lie constantly, cheat, steal, etc. The nookie is fabulous but it's about all the relationship will be good for. Will hook you with great sex and then rip your heart out of your ass. A tornado that you don't know hits you until long after it's gone, leaving you in its wake of destruction saying "what the %&#*?" If interested, be prepared for long boring nights cuddling in front of the TV, being yelled at during times of stress, and nothing ever being good enough to please. As low maitenance as a high maitenance girl could be, I promise to never live up to your expectations and constantly let you down by pretending to be something that I'm not. Ready to give it a go?

[Daevion]

Looking for love? well go no further!!! thats right for a limited time only you can sell your soul to me at half the normal cost to you!!! OMG this offer won't last long!!

Yep, and when I'm finished with you I'll sell you into slavery. If your into BDSM than this is perfect for you. If this offer sounds appealing to you than please contact me at satanslittlebitch@abyss.com

Hurry up now!!! Evil never rests!! So act now!!!! muhahahahahahahahaha

[Fierce Critter]

O.k. Let's base a good part of this on the last words offered to me by the sister I haven't talked to in going on 3 years now, the redneck, much-divorced jerkoffs who work with my husband, and a little self-awareness:

Perfectionist, anal-retentive with genius IQ who suffers from bouts of near catatonic sloth and inability to help self needs you! No really, I NEED YOU! But ONLY YOU! Don't bring friends, family or other useless "hangers-on" into this proprietary relationship, cause baby, NOBODY is to be trusted! Trust ME - I know what I'M talking about! But ONLY trust ME!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!

Likes: talking about outdoor activity but not ever initiating it; cats; talking about taking better financial responsibility but never following through; cats; researching & advising on a myriad of subjects ranging from homeopathic remedies to relationship fixes, but not applying same to self; cats; foot rubs; cuddling; moonlight walks on the beach; did I say cats?

Dislikes: People who assume I don't already know all the answers, and try to offer unsolicited input; people who just won't be controlled; giving foot rubs; sex (unless I'm drunk at a downtown Detroit house party or a place called "City Club" - otherwise, enjoy "mounting the mannequin" you lucky bastard); the expression "pussy-whipped"; any states NOT shaped like a mitten.

If you like what you read, don't bother responding 'cause I'm married and if I catch you even smiling at my husband I'll provide silent and abhorrently gruesome proof that I know where - and when - you, and your entire family sleep. All of you. Everywhere.

[Daevion]

Guess I should of read the whole thread title. I have no idea what "they" say about me, nor do I care. Anyway, I'm getting scared just reading these posts....heh. I know they are supposedly fictional but one can't help but wonder that a few may be closer to the dark truth than anyone would care to admit.

[Hermine]

Needy yet coldhearted, socially inept yet very good at manipulating people, childish and irresponsible yet a drag and a square, she's the bitch who's got it all. A psycho who will take out her frustrations on you and deliberately use words and concepts you don't understand in order to make you feel stupid. A clumsy accident waiting to happen, this girl will always want to do too much--and yet is always sleepy and never wants to do anything.

ISO (Phee, you forgot this part) self-involved prick of either limited intelligence or no ambition. Must be either emotionally unavailable or intolerably clingy. Good looks okay but, if so, you must know it. Good in bed okay but, if so, must be slightly less intelligent than a doorknob. Whatever you do, don't treat me with any kind of respect. Recently divorced or going through a divorce? In the throes of a midlife crisis? Then I'm the girl for you. Mental illness and/or serious drug habit a big plus.

[DisturbedMania]

Hmmmm..... Thinking about this I am going to change my dating habits. I also was talking to one of my sorority sisters who is single, but has a 1 yr old. Now that she's got Brianna she won't take the same amount of crap she would have taken just a few years back. I was thinking about that and dang why should I take crap from anyone anyway. I don't have a kid, but it doesn't mean I should deal with male childishness. Gracias, Phee for creating new thoughts in my head.

[Black Sunday]

Can we reply to these too?

[JaneDead]

i think we should

[fallennon]

I agree, let's reply...who wants to go first?

[phee]

Isn't there anyone out there who will punch me in the face?

[JaneDead]

i will NOT punch anyone in the face

[phee]

Then you are not a girl who would be interested in me.

[JaneDead]

sure i would. i would just get someone else to punch you how is that?