Death of the REAL thing called LOVE...

[Saephyr]

By that I mean it's easy to say "He/she is an asshole" and things like that but I don't need that kind of thing in the way here. I just need to get true hearted opinions. Real Passion.

2 people have a break up about a half year ago... they still both by admission from each, love each other very much. The reasons were very passionate to the actual ending of the whole thing but the person that was holding on due to love was feeling tortured by thier own convictions.

They have had fights, been nice, send cards and tried to talk and be fair and not hurt each other but passion of being in true love will turn reason from a great idea into a farce right. 1 of the 2 sought out 2 professional opinions from 2 different types of professionals, both very respected. It came down to 1 saying the usual "that person has done enough to hurt the other..they should be arrested for the pain they caused' and the other says " ...faith is also patience and if you have it you should try it and see if you can just stay away from each other and hope that time and that persons own affections wil help them decide what to do about it'.

I like both replies I say well whichever you can do... or try to do, maybe you can give it your best and hope that it comes out to being a wonderful thing. Baring in mind though, sometimes miracles don't happen and you should still have faith and patients in love itself..not let it make you bitter, so many folks are nowaday and who needs that?

I truly think that these two have been set aside for each other and there are many good things ahead for them but not unless they can both hold on tight the the other half and really trust them to help it all happen. Not to let it be a drive by love affair and another stab at true loves efforts. MOST people don't even give relationships an honest good hard try anymore. What else can you lose if you've lost it once already? Try it again when things cool off with a little wisdom in your hat this time.

So the grand truth maybe is NOT do you believe in love, true honest love but that it is like anything worth having...you have to try, work, listen, be patient, be kind, pay attention and be sure you have exhausted every option bufore you decide to leave behind what you think could have been or IS the truest love of your entire life and you will never regret what you left behind.. not ever. Not 2 months from now not 20, not even 30 years from now you won't say " Why did I let that go so easily? How could I have blown it away like autumn leaves with all the beauty and passion that it had...why didn't I really try when the opportunity was still there for me?"

I believe it's worth true and honest effort.

It may be painfull, it could be life changing but if it's supposed to be then the little things, the things that should have never been said, the affairs maybe, the flowers that didn't get sent, the unsigned loving greeting card that's still at the store waiting for you to grab it and let the other person know that you messed up someplace and would love another try someday. Do they make the jump or wait a while and see how it feels after the other party has had a true chance to THINK about a life without the other there.

Run and jump right away before it gets lost forever?

Wait and use patience to help you make your point?

Send balloons? Gifts that mean what they mean only to the 2 of you? Write 1 silly thing on a piece of paper once a month and nothing else to let them know you are still hooked on your dream? Just pray? Make yourself stronger and even more wonderful than you already are instead of letting sadness consume you?

What...

[FarrIL]

It may be painful, it may be discouraging.....

'Complicated' relationships may only increase your temperance for that type of situation. It's trying times like this that make the rewards that more rewarding.

[The Rod]

I'd have to say that you (or whoever) should maybe try for it and give it another go. If it's always felt that strong between the two, then I'd say it's worth it. People do change over time and learn from their past mistakes, so the 2nd round could indeed be a whole new experience. Personally I'm going through something similar myself... I'm going to see an ex of mine in a couple weeks, one that I haven't seen in over 3 years. She broke up with me then cuz I just wasn't paying her enough attention, but I certainly came away from that relationship more learned and aware. After all this time we still try to keep in contact with each other, and still tell each other how we miss them and such. I think we're going to give it another try... maybe you should too. And if it doesn't work out then at least you know. Better to regret the things you did than the things you haven't done.

[Miranda]

Only you can decide what you are willing to put forth here. I have always believed that it takes two people to destroy a relationship. If the love was meant to flourish again, it will. You need to communicate honestly no matter how awkward it may feel. Too many people are afraid to bring up problems of the past, and try to sort them out now. You can't just sweep things under a rug as if they never happened. People get hurt, that doesn't necessarily go away... it can eat at you if you let it. I would want you to be happy, if you think this person can honestly provide that, I say give it another chance. Though if deep down you know he won't change, you are just wishing for something that will never come true unfortunately. People rarely change, it takes a lot of effort and self-awareness. I wish you luck.

[Steven]

all relationships are complicated, as all people are.

it takes honor and charactor and humility to build and maintain a good one. Some people have those qualities or are at lest interested in pursuing them, and others dont.

this whole thing about "compatability" to me, is a crock.

if your incompatible - yet that person has true value to you - then learn to become compatible. Find their language, and why they focus on what they do - why certain things matter to them, in other words, get over yourself. If you cannot continue to learn from one another throughout your lifetime then somethign is terribly wrong.

and love.....in and of itself....is not always the mystery we make it out to be, as if it lands on the foreheads of some people and not others, this too is a farce. Love surrounds us all, yet we often fail to tune in. The problem with love is that many abuse it and horde it or manipulate it selfishly without even realizing they are doing this. To actually "love' somone is easy. To love them more than yourself, your position, your agenda, and your pain, is not.

[Miranda]

this whole thing about "compatability" to me, is a crock.

if your incompatible - yet that person has true value to you - then learn to become compatible.  Find their language, and why they focus on what they do - why certain things matter to them, in other words, get over yourself.  If you cannot continue to learn from one another throughout your lifetime then somethign is terribly wrong.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Spot on.

[Guest Megalicious]

this whole thing about "compatability" to me, is a crock.

if your incompatible - yet that person has true value to you - then learn to become compatible.  Find their language, and why they focus on what they do - why certain things matter to them, in other words, get over yourself.  If you cannot continue to learn from one another throughout your lifetime then somethign is terribly wrong.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow Steven, You always have such great advice.

[Msterbeau]

Wow Steven, You always have such great advice.

I want him all to myself... :fear

[Kit Kat P]

i've watched several of my friends go thru this. I honestly think that for some it really isn't meant to be. That was a reason for you two have been together and those reasons were lessons. And some people are almost impossible to walk away from , but if the realtionship isn't healthy than you do have to walk away.

[Steven]

i've watched several of my friends go thru this.  I honestly think that for some it really isn't meant to be.  That was a reason for you two have been together and those reasons were lessons.  And some people are almost impossible to walk away from , but if the realtionship isn't healthy than you do have to walk away.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You make a couple of good points here.

One thing I must stress in my own situation - is that alot of work - I mean years and years of work - went into and continue to go into my marriage. Its not the perfect marriage because it does not exist - it is however, a damn good one.

and thanks Meg for yoru encouragement - but let me tell you babe that I had to learn all of this stuff from lots of mistake making!

Steve

[AstralCrux]

If it really is a case of meant to be, but the couple found each other before they learned the lessons they need to learn about love/relationships. It will be a huge struggle, because at that point in time they were not really ready for what they wanted. *doh* Giving time away from each other should help both people see what they are and aren't missing. But, if they do get back together, take it very slowly otherwise you risk repeating past mistakes and be very open and honest about how you/the other person feels about each new step. Unfortunately, it means reign in the passion and learn to feel the deeper sides of each other.

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

My father had a saying that helped me when I was younger:

"any relationship that doesnt end with a knife or gunplay was a good one. learn from it and move on"

[Steven]

My father had a saying that helped me when I was younger:

"any relationship that doesnt end with a knife or gunplay was a good one.  learn from it and move on"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

deep

[Msterbeau]

deep

Hopefully that doesn't refer to the knife in the back? :blink

[Goth Brooks]

this post doesn't apply to myself at all

[Saephyr]

Ok then thanks for not giving me any opinions Goth B

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

Hopefully that doesn't refer to the knife in the back?  :blink

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

front or back... knives hurt.

[Saephyr]

:blushing

So being the strong female that I am how in hell can I let go of something I love that hasn't even died?

This is why songs are written, books, movies and all kinds of things. To let us NOT make these mistakes. Not screw the chnce of true love up. If he were in love I'd leave him alone. He said he loves ME.

I was to be the one.

It hurt but it also felt so wonderful to know that I had that opportunity.

HAD being the key word and now I'm lost without it.

I was planning to make a life with this man. I want my chance back.

I want HIM back and his laugh, heart, beauty, love, attentiveness, sillyness, logic, wonderful thoughts, and the whole package. Evene his awful habits and silly OCD's that drove me nhuts I miss them so much.

Could romeo & Juliet say that?

Why doesn't anyone believe that there is 1 person for you out there!? Why am I beign told to forget? Why should I forget the best 3 years of life I had! More fun than any marriage. More opportunity to support each other than anyone on the earth?

Every conversation was wonderful. Everey note a heartfelt reminder of his love. All our photos meanings and reminders!

I know if i had that love back I would feel better inside and out. I was getting so strong. I was feeling so oddly happy and could not even think of it being the love of my life.

Now it's gone. :fear

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

Why should I forget the best 3 years of life I had!

I know if i had that love back I would feel better inside and out. I was getting so strong. I was feeling so oddly happy and could not even think of it being the love of my life.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why should you forget it?

Well, from what you have said, that relationship is over and clinging to it is not helping you in the least.

Do you really think that getting him back is going to fix the problems in your life? The reasons for your break up are still there and it probably wont last as long as it did last time... and I would guess that loosing him a second time would be even worse.

[torn asunder]

  I know if i had that love back I would feel better inside and out. I was getting so strong. I was feeling so oddly happy and could not even think of it being the love of my life.

Now it's gone. :fear

as long as you rely on outside things and influences for your happiness, you will never be truly happy, you will be dependant, and subject to the fickle whims of others. happiness has to come from within, for there to be any chance of it lasting.

my opinion... :fear

[Saephyr]

I'm not meaning that I can't be happy without this man. I mean to say that he as far as I am concerned, is supposed to be my mate for life.

I can be in love with him forever literally and never get him back into my life. It's just not MY choice. I don't have any interest in sex with anyone, kissing, having naked fun and prancing around like I used to. I want my man who made me feel the way he did...back. I'm dreaming, imagining, hoping, being a lost cause or whatever but hey... everyone has a fantasy person in thier life why can't mine actually be a person I was once with?

It's not like I'll ever be with him since I'm freaking crippled anyway.

It takes a strong minded man to take on a relationship with someone who can't do things on her own.

Seems to me...women are more willing to date men with handicaps then vice versa. i just don't believe that men can be strong without the other half being just as if not more strong.

Mentally....yeah...I'm all that. Can I handle everyday tasks at home...maybe not but I'm a badass as far as women go. I'm wonderful. Maybe Sleeping Beauty the selfish prince will wake up and see that someday? Maybe not.

I can still admire, love, like, lust, want, dream about, have hopes for this twerp even if he's as dumb as a rock for not snatching me up.

[The_Dark]

i just don't believe that men can be strong without the other half being just as if not more strong.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm going to have to take offense with that statement. Try being a divorved man with children.

[torn asunder]

...

[torn asunder]

i just don't believe that men can be strong without the other half being just as if not more strong.

i, too, have to disagree with this quite strongly...

[creatureofthenyte]

I too must share in the disagreement with that statement, along with Torn and Dark. Being handicapped doesn't, at least in My eyes anyway, make someone less of a person, and it doesn't, in My eyes, make them any less lovable. The stronger of the two people should share his/her strength with the other person, thereby making them stronger.